The Wish-Granting Game

I wish Firefly didn't get cancelled until at least season three.

-Poof*

It wasn't cancelled until season 5, the first new
episode you watched made you prone to seizures, so you could never play video games or watch TV ever again.

I wish I could move at Godspeed if I wanted too.

 

I'm going to assume Godspeed is at least the speed of light, which is obviously a bad idea, so I will protect you from being ripped apart and from igniting the atmosphere. However, there's no way you could see while going that fast, so you crash into the first thing in front of you. Also, God gets pretty pissed off that you're stealing his thunder, and he gives you cancer.

I wish I had a fully finished, functioning and legal copy of Cave Story for the Wii.

 

Wished granted, but that was like 10 years from now.

I wished to be raped until I fall into a coma.

 

You are raped by a walrus until you fall into a coma, which you snap out of five seconds later. Now you have walrus-herpes, and he didn't even call you the next day.

I wish I had rocket boots.

 

granted, but they have no fuel and gas is too expensive.

I wish Kage was stripped of all his medals, trophies, power, followers, and respect if he ever had any.

 

Gardebiter finishes figuratively fellating Kageryushin and bans him for breaking the rules several billion times. Gardebiter now has nothing to live for, and becomes an hero. Without an administrator, Mirai Gamer becomes a pit of chaos and despair. All the people whyme likes to annoy leave. She's stuck with a forum full of idiots.

I wish I wouldn't get banned for this post.

 

Wish granted. I didn't get banned for the post you reported so you should be fine.

I wish fore a longer rape induced coma

 

Wish granted. I didn't get banned for the post you reported so you should be fine.

I wish fore a longer rape induced coma

Granted?

A group of monkeys raped you unconcious, and you woke up 3 full moons later half dead and covered in monkey piss. You also got cancer. Don't ask me how.

I wish that my school was solidified into a block of ice, enclosing the entire building, it's parking lot, and that the ice would only melt in the spring.

 

Granted, but winter is almost over.

I wish for another temporary servant job.

 

You are now temporarily employed at Wal-Mart, congrats.

I wish I knew whether or not it's a trap.

 

Granted.
But you can't decide what you like more.

I wish for Maedchen in Uniformen.

 

You get a copy that was stolen from the house of a drug lord, and he sends his thugs to beat you up and take the movie back. You then mysteriously get cancer.

I wish everyone could communicate telepathically.

 

Wish granted, but the human race is too stupid to know how.

I wish to.... have a group of people do... things to me

 

Granted.
They hug you.

I wish for vengance.

 

Granted.


I wish I hadn't corrupted the last wish...

 

Granted. Magical interferance negates it and causes you massive mana burn.

I wish whyme would stop being so butthurt over relationships that never happened.

 

Granted, whyme now does not have a butt. I transferred it to you. You've got two now.

I wish you'd stop being so butthurt over relationships that did happen but no one cares about.

 

Granted.
Both my asses have been transfered to MetaSerraphim.

I wish China would invade Russia.

 

They have... just not on a large scale. But I suppose that's what you meant, so China invades Russia, the US decides not to get involved, the UN's peacekeeping troops fail, and China's rising economy makes massive industrial output of war supplies possible. China nearly makes it to the Volga before Russia nukes them, starting the long-feared nuclear apocalypse.
Canada gets colder from nuclear winter and finds a new trading partner.

I wish all poverty in the world was alleviated.

 

Granted.
All wealth evaporates making everyone the same level of poverty.

I wish Florida would get hit by a hurricane.