The Wish-Granting Game

The Krakken, or Kraken?

Huzzah! The Krakken appears, but in Japan.
Sushi prices plummet as supply spikes.

I wish for a rock.

 

Dwayne Johnson appears on your doorstep, and he's come for your teeth.
All of them.

I wish for you to count to exactly three

 

Granted. I have done so. Unfortunately, I counted to exactly three, but as follows:

1 1.5213 1.7634 2.51 6 6 9 1 2 56 3

I wish I knew how to count.

 

Granted, you now know only how to count in base 2.

I wish to find my true love.

 

Wish granted. It's a hobo named Mr. Stubble.

I wish for a calculator.

 

Granted. I am a human calculator, and unlike normal calculators, I demand frequent blood sacrifices in order to keep doing your calculations.

I wish for you to do frequent blood sacrifices.

 

Okay. I will give you my own blood every day at midnight, just hold on while I get AIDS.

I wish for a Christmas miracle.

 

Granted. I get laid by Megan Fox while you watch on Christmas.

I wish I could cure cancer.

 

You eliminate all cancer from the world by destroying all organic matter, except yourself. You're left to starve alone.

I wish there was non-organic food.

 

There is, it's called your mom.

I wish for your mom.

 

Wish granted. But my mom is 63.

I wish pokemon were real

 

Capturing Pokémon and stuffing them inside tiny, airtight balls is considered animal abuse and is illegal in every developed country. Not to mention that most of them can kill you.

I wish they would stop making Pokémon games.

 

Granted.
Nintendo goes bankrupt.

I wish I had 299 loyal warriors who will do my bidding without question, whatever it might be that I bid.

 

Tch. My time serving you is over.

 

Wish granted, they are 299 of the fiercest and most loyal cod ever to swim the sea.

I wish I knew how babby is formed.

 

Granted.
However, your question gets removed from Yahoo Answers due to spam.

I wish it was friday.

 

It is now Friday. It will always be Friday. You must fall in love to break the cycle.

I wish someone would get the reference I just made.

 

It is now Friday. It will always be Friday. You must fall in love to break the cycle.

I wish someone would get the reference I just made.

Granted. It's you!

Granted.
This could have been the wish to stop the invading China forces.
God job fucking up earth.

Umm.. okay..
grant=fail.

Rewording:
I wish that the wish represented by this sentence that you are reading at this very moment will not be granted in any way or form.

 

Granted. You have been aborted from time. You have never been, so your wish has never been made or granted. Enjoy your non-existence.

I wish I was born ten years earlier.

 

Granted.
You are now born 10 years earlier.
10 years before Hitler kills you.

I wish Hitler would communitcate with us.