The Wish-Granting Game

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Feb 6, 2010 at 2:15 AM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
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It is said that every forum has this thread, so I'm creating it here. Let's get down to the business: The object of this game is to be a Jackass Genie, i.e. to grant anyone's wishes in the worst possible way. They wish for a pile of gold, you make it fall from the sky and crush them. They ask for a hot girlfriend, you give them one on fire. The only limit is your creativity.

The rules are simple: You will grant the wish of the poster above (or below, if you're stupid enough to use that setting) you in the way I just described, and then make a wish of your own. Being an elaborate asshole is encouraged in both wish-granting and wish-making.

Okay? I'll start: I wish to be the strongest man in the world.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:19 AM
Senior Member
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Ok, but your testicle will be as large as an elephant


I wish for Power!
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:39 AM
Level 73 Procrastinator
"Life begins and ends with Nu."
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I'm going to be bad at the wishing part...

diph.php

There's your Power.

I wish for....more wishes?
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:42 AM
Vanished.
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Re: I'm going to be bad at the wishing part...

Your wish has been granted.
You can now state wishes every 700 years.
See you then.

I wish to not to be an Jackass Genie, but I wan't to be an Jackass Genie who is Jackass and a Genie while being not a Genie and/or/maybe a Genie Jackass.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 3:50 AM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
Location: Arcane Sanctuary
Posts: 1472
Age: 32
Your wish has been granted.
You suffer from multiple personality disorder, and as a result, you spend the rest of your life locked up in an asylum, lobotomized and being subject to daily shock therapy.

I wish for a billion dollars to be stored in my bank account.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 3:54 AM
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Your wish was granted.
But the cops also had a wish.
You end up in jail for bank robbery.


I wish that Cthulhu would rise.
I'a Dagon! I'a Hydra! Cthulhu F'htagn!
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 3:56 PM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
Location: Arcane Sanctuary
Posts: 1472
Age: 32
Your wish has been granted.
Congratulations! You have caused the end of the world. Pity you didn't live long enough to enjoy your triumph.

I wish to be famous.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 4:20 PM
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You whish has beed granted.
You are public enemy No. 1
Good luck.

I wish to be invisible.

[GOGOGOGO!]
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 4:26 PM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
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You're making this too easy...

Your wish has been granted.
Your body no longer reflects light, including your retinae, so you spend the rest of your life in a world where you can see nothing and nothing can see you. Oh, and both your arms are gone.

Hmm... Big wishes only cause me troubles, so I gotta wish for something small. I wish for a cheese sandwich.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 4:55 PM
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Re: You're making this too easy...

You wish has been granted.
You get an cheese sandwich that reached it'S best-before date 5 years ago.


I wish that the sun shines.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 5:28 PM
Been here way too long...
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Re: You're making this too easy...

YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!
The sun now shines poison needles instead of photons, though.

I wish I knew how to roller skate.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 5:46 PM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
Location: Arcane Sanctuary
Posts: 1472
Age: 32
Your wish has been granted.
You now know how to roller skate. However, there are no roller skates in the world, so your ability is completely useless.

I wish there were no holes in the ozone layer.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 6:08 PM
Vanished.
Bobomb says: "I need a hug!"
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Your wish has been granted.
No ozone layer, no holes.

I wish there would be more people on this forum.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 7:10 PM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
Location: Arcane Sanctuary
Posts: 1472
Age: 32
Your wish has been- You know what, fuck that line.
The forum has gotten many new members. Spam, off-topic and flamewars soon flood the entire forum and it becomes the second asshole of the Internet.

I wish to know what to wish for.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 7:23 PM
Level 73 Procrastinator
"Life begins and ends with Nu."
Join Date: Apr 6, 2009
Location: Forgotten Tower
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I'm hungry.

There, you now possess the knowledge of how to properly wish for your most deep desire, and even how to keep it so a jackass genie can't screw it up in some way or another.
Too bad you're out of wishes.

I wish for a Chocolate Cake.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 8:11 PM
Vanished.
Bobomb says: "I need a hug!"
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[I won't do what you expect me to do, you whore D:< ]
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Enjoy your Chocolate Cake.
But don't be surprised by it's special ingrident:
Wax.

I wish that I could lick my own asshole.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 8:20 PM
graters gonna grate
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Alright, but don't come crying to me when you start compulsively licking your asshole in public.

I wish I were God.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 9:01 PM
This Troper
"Man, if only I had an apple..."
Join Date: Jun 19, 2008
Location: Arcane Sanctuary
Posts: 1472
Age: 32
You become the God of Hangovers. Enjoy your immortality suffering from eternal headache and vomiting. (Bonus points to whoever spots the reference.)

I wish I was the ruler of the world.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 9:28 PM
Cold Agony of Resolute Vacuum
"Heavy swords for sale. Suitable for most RPG Protagonists. Apply now!"
Join Date: Jan 1, 2008
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Poof! You rule the world. Unfortunately, you didn't say which, so you rule a backwater shithole populated by scum. And it rains concentrated nitric acid.

I wish I could grant my own wishes.
 
Feb 6, 2010 at 10:06 PM
Been here way too long...
"Life begins and ends with Nu."
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You can now grant your own wishes, as long as they are "I wish I had more nails in my anus."

I wish an angel would show me that my town needs me, so that I don't kill myself.
 
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