The Wish-Granting Game

Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. I suppose that can be just as good, if you don't like cheese, true? You've run a maze like a good little rat. But no cheese for you yet. Well, maybe a little.
-10 bacon points.

I wish Santa gave the bad kids mouse traps in their stockings.

 

Granted, but its retroactively effective which gives you about 14,000 mouse traps scattered throughout your house.

I wish everyone elses previous wishes would be granted again.

 

Congrats, all the magical discharge destroys the world.




I wish for a Karaoke Machine. And a Pepsi.

 

Granted. All the karaoke-haters and Coke-lovers club you to death.

I wish Lowell's last wish was granted.

 

I just can't pass up this chance...

Granted, Lowell now has a Fireflower and goes around shooting fireballs at random people, but now a paradox ensues since Lowell granted Lowell's own wish, destroying the known universe. And several unknown ones.

I wish for a dollar.

 

Granted, you now have only one dollar. Have fun making money.

I wish I had more money than I have now.

 

Granted, you now have only one dollar. Have fun making money.

I wish I had more money than I have now.

You now have more money than you do now, which coincidentally 0 dollars, because the context of "have now" refers to the moment in which you typed your wish, and it is very unlikely that you were holding any money at the time. Therefore, you now have a quarter. Find two more and you can buy a soda at participating retailers.

I wish I more money than Bill Gates has in his bank account in my bank account.

 

Your bank account now contains more money than Bill Gates's, but unfortunately your accountant is as good with numbers as you are with grammar. All of it is lost within two months, and you only get to spend $112.56 of it.

I wish people would understand that "noone" isn't a word, and it is, in fact, a person.

 

Granted, although nobody cares enough and it is forgotten.

I wish I had a PS3, and LittleBigPlanet.

 

Granted. You spend all your waking time playing the game, thus failing at school/work and ruining your life. You accidentally kill yourself when you go berserk after your electricity gets turned off.

I wish I could go berserk through the city with no bad consequences on my part.

 

Granted. You can no go berserk in fully technicolor-3D... In a small African city.

I wish I had 3 more wishes.

 

Granted, but only your mother is allowed to use them.

I wish that I didn't have any wishes.

 

Granted. You are banned from this thread.

My mothers three wishes:
- She wishes her husband was alive and well.
- She wishes the three step-children of hers would leave her alone.
- She wishes everyone else gets their wishes.

 

All of those are granted, but she gets cancer from the high concentration of wish-radiation.

I wish I wasn't hungry.

 

You're dead. Well, you got what you wished for.

I wish I could grant anyone's wishes.

 

You can grant anyone's wishes as long as you ho for them.

I wish I had a lightsaber, and that I don't harm myself with it.

 

Granted. Except that it harms everyone else but you. And I mean everyone else.

I wish that the response to this wish is exciting.

 

Aaaaaannd your wish is GRANTED!!

CONGRATULATIONS on earning your self this EXCITING RESPONSE!!​

I wish my computer didn't suck.

 

Granted. Your computer now blows.

I wish for he who chews with open mouth dies.

 

Granted. Now it really sucks. Good luck fixing all the viruses, also, all the radiation from the screen gave you cancer.

I wish to be blind.

Edit: Damn GIR!