The Wish-Granting Game

I wish for bacon.

You now have bacon. Good luck eating it though; it's as hard as a rock.

(It's nice to know I'm so loved.)

I wish I was accepted by the Mirai Gamer forums.

 

Granted. There's a hazing process you must go through to be accepted here. It involves, among other things, staying on the forums for 24 hours straight, talking in memes IRL for a week, and sucking Kageryushin's cock.

I wish to win The Game.

 

Granted. Congratulations on creating a TIME PARADOX and have fun in stone age.

I wish to be able to see the future.

 

I wish to be able to see the future.

You can now see the future, but you can no longer see the present. This renders you blind and people believe hallucinations are to blame. You are sent to a mental institution where you commit suicide by drowning yourself in the toilet.

I wish for PELLZ.

 

You overdose on PELLZ and get molested by Bill and a Boomer, all at the same time. Also, Left 4 Dead 2 comes out.

I wish I were wearing underwear.

 

So do I.

I wish this post obeyed the rules of the thread.

 

If I were a moderator I'd grant your wish. For now I'll just report it (and say it's racist spam).

I wish someone would beat up the Large Hadron Supercollider.

 

Granted.
The Real Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks it, causing it to become the Large Hardon Collider. A global search for the two largest hardons begins.

I wish I was in England.

 

POOF! You are now residing in a British jail. I mean, gaol.
I wish I wasn't in Canada.

 

Bam!
You now live in Haiti.

I wish Captain Fabulous would come back to IRC.

 

I wish Captain Fabulous would come back to IRC.

Poof!
Captain Fabulous comes back to the IRC and your Internet connection will break up for ever.

 

...
I wish SP had made a wish.

 

He did, but you need a gold or higher forum account to see it.

VIEWING DENIED

UPGRADE TO A GOLD ACCOUNT TO VIEW POST

Okay, but you're stuck in that salmon suit after you're done.



I wish I could get to see the ending of terracon.

 

You do, but this causes your eyes to burn up.

I wish for a tree.

 

A small tree grows... out of your nose. Have fun with a horribly disfigured face and almost all of your senses damaged.

I wish I got a GOLD account for free.

 

Granted. Unfortunately, you can't figure out how to make your posts visible to non-GOLD members so there are very few people on the forums who can read your posts, effectively alienating you.

I wish the person sitting two seats two my right would stop watching distracting videos involving cats freaking the fuck out.

 

I wish the person sitting two seats two my right would stop watching distracting videos involving cats freaking the fuck out.

He/She stops with it, but is now watching Goatse, 2Girls1Cup, 1Guy1Cup, the Pain series etc.

I wish I can work faster on Sturmfaust II.

 

Poof! You are now working faster. However, your speed causes you to make many mistakes, many of them impossible to fix.

I wish for immunity to cancer.

 

Cancer? No...

Granted.
But then you catch an extremely rare {and unheard of} case of the common cold, and suffering from things such as your flesh rotting off your arm or all your teeth falling out.
You die shortly after, but not before you lose three limbs, an eyeball, your nose, and half an ear.

I wish for a Fireflower.

EDIT:
Too slow, Giric.

 

Wish granted. You have super herpes, which effectively destroys all cancers (and you)

I wish for less cheese. And more cheese. But then less bacon.

[edit] Damnit void D: No fair