You're all freaking pussies.
I laughed when I stole the Polar Star from the Gunsmith Hermit while he was taking a peaceful nap, mostly because I imagined the various reactions he would possibly have upon awakening.
I laughed when the badass, tough-looking King was thrown aside so easily by the miniscule, ugly little imp we all know as Toroko.
I laughed at Balrog and how pitiful he was. Misery seemed okay though, albeit somewhat stupid herself.
I laughed when I first saw Sue and watched the overconfident little wench get the shit kicked out of her by Igor.
I thought Cthulhu was a pretty cool guy. If there's a group of them, I wanna join.
I laughed when I kicked Igors ass so easily.
I was repulsed by Sue's idiotic claims that she could accomplish anything at all by herself and her blatant refusal to thank or praise me for saving her. Needless to say, I am not a fan of Sue, and would have enjoyed her dying in the place of any other character throughout the game. This includes The Doctor. Oh, by the way, Sue has been confirmed to be of age ten, just so you know, Shi.
I laughed when the ungrateful little... scoundrel that was Sue was apprehended by King and rightfully imprisoned. Unfortunately, Sue and her brother were my only ticket off that hellhole of an island, so I guessed I would just have to go along with the story from there.
I laughed at what a worthless moron Santa was.
I laughed when I [edit]ed Chaco.
I laughed when Balrog raped that outdated piece of trash robot.
I laughed when I proceeded to rape Balrog. AGAIN.
I laughed when said robot woke up from aforementioned Balrog rape and was stricken with an awful bout of amnesia and proceeded to become a pretty cool party ape.
I laughed at Balfrog, an entity who is ridiculous in itself.
I laughed at Kazuma’s supremely ugly face. I figured that it must run in the family…
I laughed at the scene where Kazuma and Booster [edit]ed with that jet machine they ultimately crashed.
I was disappointed at how Sue was able to get out. I wanted to prove that she was useless without my assistance.
I was pissed at how everyone wanted me to do all the work, but I went to Sand Zone regardless.
I laughed when I immolated Curly.
I went “Oh, shit” when Omega exploded.
I didn’t particularly care about finding the puppies or helping Jenka.
I laughed my ass off when Balrog beat the shit out of Jenka and slaughtered all but one of her puppies.
I laughed my ass off when the villains showcased that they could in fact be badass, force feeding Toroko and killing King.
I laughed when I killed Frenzied Toroko. How useless.
I didn’t cry manly tears when King died, though I respected how he gave me his sword and everything.
I laughed while I was exterminating the Gaudi. They’re still better than any of the stupid Mimiga, though. They were pretty cool, actually…
I started feeling some semblance of affection for Curly when I retrieved the Medicine.
I enjoyed the challenging battle against Monster X. I might have WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY’d at the end in triumph….
I laughed when Booster died. I thought the Booster 0.8 was an okay parting gift. Didn’t care if he came back, though.
I laughed when I kicked Balrog’s worthless ass for the third time. Then Curly turned the most reoccurring of the quirky miniboss squad into an ally. And what a pathetic ally he was.
I went “OH SHIT” when I saw that Curly could indeed actually fight.
I went “OH HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT” when I first fought The Core.
I was quite displeased with how Curly “died,” so I restarted the game, desperately looking for a way to save Curly, since a large number of things occurred that I could have avoided. As a matter of fact, I did not look up a guide for the game. Why? One didn’t exist yet. I decided not to get the Machinegun this go around in an attempt to see if this affected Curly’s fate. I also neglected to check up on Booster when he fell by accident. Finally, I search every room I’m in thoroughly to check for items. I was eventually able to find the Cord, and…
I laughed when I was able to successfully bring Curly with me. The rest of the process of saving her just naturally fell into place from there.
I laughed when I was able to obliterate the puny flounder known as Ironhead.
I laughed when I was able to obtain the Spur and thus began slaughtering monsters left and right.
I was repulsed by Kazuma’s cowardice, though I guess it was only because he was smart enough to realize that he was completely worthless in the first place.
I laughed when I was able to obtain the Nemesis and therefore continued my merciless genocide of all the Island’s creatures.
I laughed when I defeated Ma Pignon, and at Ma Pignon's scenes in general, that snarky bastard.
I cheered when I received the “Iron Bond.”
I was daunted by the Final Cave for a short while, but was eventually able to smash through it.
I went “[edit] YEAH” during the epic “final battle.”
I went “[edit] YEAH” again, this time even louder, when I discovered Hell, and, by extension, Curly. I was daunted for quite a while, but I was eventually able to make it to Ballos.
I laughed maniacally when I finally annihilated Ballos.