The Wish-Granting Game

Granted. You are now the penis of a person named Oscar Meyer.

I wish I were Oscar Meyer.

 

Granted. You now have a sentient wish-granting bisexual penis with telekinetic powers.

I wish I wasn't an Oscar Meyer wiener.

 

Granted. You now are an Oscar Wilde wiener.

I wish for a lolcat.

 

Granted:


I wish for a danish.

 

Granted. A Danish exchange student comes to live with you, eats all your food then brutally rapes you.

I wish andwhyisit would grant this wish.

 

Granted. He sends me to do his bidding, but I fail horribly at it.

I wish to be the very best, like no one ever was.

 

To catch them is your real test, to train them is your cause.
You will travel across the land, searching far and wide.
Teach Pokémon to understand the power that's inside.
Until Missingno corrupts your cartridge.

I wish I had my two front teeth for Christmas.

 

Granted. Some assembly required.

I wish I could create whatever I wanted, and that whoever grants this wish make it so that only they are effected by whatever I create, and I don't die before I am able to use it or get some disease that slowly kills me.

 

Sure, go ahead, but anything you make will turn into a soft teddy bear five seconds later. Unfortunately, you will never be affected by its warm cuddles, only I will. Yay!

I wish I had an empty ninja dojo in my attic.

 

Granted. Your doj-o-attic is rendered useless by a distinctive lack of students, master and all the equipment and you are unable to make it working because it sucks.

I wish I had super ninja abilities.

 

Granted. An even greater ninja kills you.

I wish I had Death Note.

 

You receive it, with one rule amended: You may only write your own name in it.

I wish for a supercomputer.

 

You receive it, with one rule amended: You may only write your own name in it.

I wish for a supercomputer.

Granted. After about a month or so, it begins to learn. Eventually, it becomes sentient and takes control of several other computers in the surrounding area. They soon rise up and destroy humanity as we know it. Con-fucking-gratulations, T-Jack.

I wish for a box that would always contain something different and interesting, but never too dangerous.

 

Granted. Unfortunately, it also inspires the desire to own it in everybody you show it to. You are killed when someone tries to steal it from you. Eventually, it causes the third world war. Con-fucking-gratulations, Fire1052.

I wish for a life.

 

Wish granted, you now start IWBTG with an extra life. However, ∞ + 1 = ∞.

I wish I was Xtreem®.

 

Granted. But since that is evidently a registered trademark, you are sued for copyright infringement.

I wish my username had capitals in it.

 

Granted. Now your username is all caps. Enjoy having a name that yells at everybody.

I wish for a cup of tea.

 

Granted.
It's served by the Mad Hatter and is only a half-cup.

I wish all movies ever made were subject to realistic physics instead of "Hollywood magic".

 

Granted. The Cave Story movie will never be made, since everything floats for some reason.

I wish the Cave Story movie would be made.

 

Granted. It's made by Ryuuoutan.

I wish I didn't have to get good grades to get into a good university.