The Wish-Granting Game

Granted. It's a freaking beast of a pack of gum containing billions of pieces of gum and it crushes you.

I wish we could all just get along.

 

POOF! We are all getting along, but a dispute erupts between whos turn it is to refill the pantry, and a flame war begins.

I wish I had a flamethrower, and the operational end could not be pointed at me.

 

Granted, but it is always pointed at those you care for.

I wish it wasn't so cold up here.

 

Granted. The temperature now never goes below 100 degrees.

I wish my cell phone wasn't a piece of shit.

 

Granted, it is now a wedge of cheese.

I wish this wish was a wish.

 

Screw Dorya, HUZZAH!!

Grant.....is what I would say if that was a wish in the first place.
But considering that your wish was for it to be a wish, then it couldn't have been a wish in the first place, so the wish cannot be granted, because it wasn't a wish to start out with.
Wishfail.

I wish everytime someone included "and you get cancer" in a granted wish, they'd instantly get mauled by Balrog. {Excluding this wish}

 

I'm on to you, Lowell...

Granted, but it does not exclude your wish anyways.

I wish half-dollars were still produced in the States.

 

That wasn't very creative...

Granted, but they're produced in the form of two quarters glued together. {Or occasionally, a dollar torn in half}

Speaking of quarters, I wish for one.

 

Granted, one quarter, half-off.

I wish Toni <(Girl btw) wasn't so retarded.

 

Re: That wasn't very creative...

Granted, shes not so retarted, only retarted.

I wish I didn't lose The Game

 

Granted, but you lose every other game ever.

I wish for a half liter of Czech beer to appear standing in a half liter glass in front of me on my table.

 

Granted. The glass is upside down.

I wish it would locally and exclusively snow anti-hydrogen over the state of Florida for the next 20 minutes.

 

The anti-matter obviously doesn't make it to the ground, since it explodes on contact with the air. The radiation from the reaction is carried all over the United States, including Alaska and Hawaii, but misses Canada, Mexico and all other countries completely.

I wish I had a power level of over nine thousand.

 

Granted. Your power level is over 9000 nPl (nano powerlevels). You have the equivalent power of a 4 year old child after a sugar high.

I wish Ares would let me download more than 100 tracks at once.

 

You can now download over nine thousad tracks at once, and all the bytes clog your tubes. You now need to siphon off internet juice.

I wish for fish.

 

Granted, but the Wingull in your sig eats it.

I wish Wingulls were made of wing and ull.

 

Granted, but the ull weighs them down too much and they become full water-types. No one catches them because they're pretty much useless now, and they give off gamma and beta radiation.

I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.

 

Granted. When you are going home next time, all you can say is I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.

I wish I could complete IWBTG.

 

Granted. After a few insanely long IWBTG sessions, you finally complete the game... on Normal. You are unable to pull it off again on harder difficulty and go insane in result.

I wish I could complete any game as many times as I want.

 

Granted, but you loose all sense of self satisfaction, and eventually self esteem, and you commit suicide.

I wish my cave story story would be turned into a mod.