The Wish-Granting Game

Granted, but nobody notices anything.


I wish the n and the o on my keyboard worked.

 

Granted, but all other keys stopped working instead except p, r, and Enter, luckily for you


I wish I could marry that girl, like, now.

 

Granted. The wedding costs over nine million dollars. You and your wife are kicked out onto the street. Also, you got cancer.


I wish I had pyrokinesis, and were immune to fire and heat.

 

Granted. Everything and everyone else in the world has pyrokinesis and is immune to fire and heat too. But they master thermodynamics and you don't, so they kill you by melting metals and feeding you with them, which in long term leads to you getting cancer.


I wish everyone were me, and that we shared the same thoughts, and that we couldn't have sexual contact with one another, and that we could still reproduce by other means, and that each of our offsprings were me, and that nobody could get cancer.

 

Granted, the world ends.


I wish I could make more than one wish at once.

 

Granted. All the wishes convey the same meaning.


I wish the next poster can wish in my place.

 

Granted. I wish for a car.

Granted, it runs you over.


I wish for an automobile.

 

Granted. It's parked on the Empire State Building's roof. And you get the parking tickets.

I wish you stopped giving cancer to everyone. No, really. It's not funny anymore. You suck.

But seriously now, I wish Abraham Lincoln came back to life, as a normal healthy undecomposed human being, with his mind in the state it was in when he was the President of the USA, in such a way that he is not stuck in his grave or anywhere else and that people knew it was him and accepted him back.

 

Granted. I will now give cancer only to certain users.

Granted. Lincoln's reelected as president, resuming his halted secret plans- to rule the world. With the OVER 9000 billion times past overused meme hydrogen bombs and cancer, he dominated the whole universe, and reenabled slavery, and enslaved everyone.


I Wish I Were The Moon

 

POOF! you are now a flash game that doesn't fit on my screen!

I wish I had a bigger laptop.
I wish my laptop was bigger.
I wish my laptop was twice its current size.

 

Granted. You get a laptop the size of a car. It needs a car battery to be powered.
...
Oh, why haven't you said so. Granted, your current laptop is now the size of a car.
...
Oh, come on, make up your mind already! Granted, your laptop is now the size of two cars and needs a small power plant to run.

I wish I had a spaceship.

 

Wish granted. It doesn't function in space.


I wish I could get to play Space Rangers 2 like... now. Stupid disc has corrupted content or something.

 

You can play it like right now, IF you pay one million dollars.

I wish my spaceship could fly in space and it held at least ten years worth of breathable air for one person.

 

I wish I could get to play Space Rangers 2 like... now. Stupid disc has corrupted content or something.

Granted. It freezes every two seconds but it still plays from start to finish.

EDIT:

I wish my spaceship could fly in space and it held at least ten years worth of breathable air for one person.

Granted. You run out of rocket fuel during the first five minutes and drift in space for over ten years.

I wish that every human being is born with the mental processing ability to learn the basics behind a language in under a week without any loss to the mental processing ability behind other brain functions, nor any other side effects (that includes cancer btw) or anything outside of the scope of this wish.

 

Okay, but they can only learn Hungarian and no other language.

I wish my previous wish hadn't been ignored.

 

Granted. But your next wish WILL be ignored >


I wish time could be frozen and shredded and flavoured, and would taste better than anything from Snowflakes

.

 

Granted. Your invention of edible time becomes popular throughout the world, ultimately causing all the time in the universe being eaten by the Earth's population. Good job sending our world into a timeless void of eternal suspended animation.

I wish for this wish to be ignored.

 

ParaParaParaParadox'd

Granted. But your next wish WILL be ignored >


I wish time could be frozen and shredded and flavoured, and would taste better than anything from Snowflakes

Spoiler

.

Okay, take your time!


I wish for this wish and the wish above and any wishes that apply to the wish above to be ignored.

 

I wish it was PANCAKE DAY!

 

Granted. This is the day when we celebrate pancakes. Every pancake is deemed holy today. Yeah, eating it means trouble.

I wish for a pack of bubblegum.