The Wish-Granting Game

We now live in a six-dimensional universe. However, quantum mechanics cease to function when it's missing 5 dimensions, so the very fabric of reality as we know it unravels.

I wish I knew how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

 

Granted, you spend millions of dollars and the rest of your life attempting to figure it out. It's 401.

I wish it were March 30th already.

 

Granted. It's March 30th 2009.

I wish I didn't strain my arm

 

what arm?

I wish for my handwriting to be beautifully rugged

 

Granted; your writing is now totally illegible, but at least it looks nice.

I wish for a Tesla death ray

 

Tesla comes back from the dead and makes you a death ray, since electricity is obviously not a ray. Unfortunately, the radiation bouncing off your targets gives you cancer. Tesla then demands exorbitant payment in euros, threatening you with a giant coil and a lawsuit.

I wish Nikola Tesla would die, so that Sick Bastard can die of cancer in peace.

 

*eyeroll*

Lukybory? :]

I dun gets.
And why was my post quoted?

Tesla comes back from the dead and makes you a death ray, since electricity is obviously not a ray. Unfortunately, the radiation bouncing off your targets gives you cancer. Tesla then demands exorbitant payment in euros, threatening you with a giant coil and a lawsuit.

I wish Nikola Tesla would die, so that Sick Bastard can die of cancer in peace.

Granted. Nikola Tesla, a person created as a result of this wish, dies. His years of hard work and sacrifice in the field of cancer research go down the drain as a random fire destroys all records of his work. Sick Bastard dies shortly after.

I wish Captain Fabulous realized it's Nikolai Tesla.

(I should know - My nephew is named Nikolai.)

 

Your cousin dies of cancer.

I wish you could spell.

 

Tehkäämme rakkautta, kapteeni.

Haluavat myöntää. Valitettavasti se on vain Google-käännetty suomeksi.

Toivon enemmän ihmisiä tiesin puhui suomea.

(Ja haluan Ieva olisi Pois vitun nurmikkoa.)

 

Re: Tehkäämme rakkautta, kapteeni.

Wish granted, you now live in Finland.

Bork de bork bork bork.

 

Veesh granteed. Bork bork bork. Bork bork, eend du spork. Buut deen een ork tuuk yur spork.

I wish Ryuuoutan and whyme would admit they are the same person.

 

They combine to form Whinetron, and the rest of the internet becomes an hero because of it.
I wish you and whyme would admit you're the same person.

 

Wish cannot be granted (A fatal exception has occured at 0xDEADBEEF)
0x0A55FA91
0x0D13FA91
0x00000000

Magical feedback causes Captain Fabulous and Whinetron to merge into a quivering mass of self-hating furry racist goo.

I wish I didn't have to clean that up.

 

...self-hating furry racist goo.

I AM NOT EMO.

Anyway, your dick becomes a sentient creature and is forced to do the cleaning up. Unfortunately, it is still attached to your body and you share a nervous system.

I wish this picture made sense.

 

Granted. You are now a Rob Zombie fangirl.

I wish I had a 12-inch pianist.

 

Granted. I am magically shrunk to the height of 12 inches, and somehow retain my piano playing abilities, and I follow you around playing music to describe all the events of your life. Unfortunately for you, the way I shrunk to a height of 12 inches was by temporarily acquiring a severe case of anticancer (a condition in which the body's cells start uncontrollably merging, thereby taking up less space). And due to the Law of Conservation of Cancer, you get a severe case of cancer to compensate for my anticancer. You die of the cancer.

I wish I really could play a piano that's over 6 times as large (with respect to me) as it should be.

 

Granted. You aquired the skills to do so. However, you may only play pianos contructed of carcinogenic redwood with asbestos chords and a colony of rabid wombants (wombat ants) living inside. The wombants fly into a murderous rage whenever a key is pressed and lunge out at you, bringing with them a cloud of asbestos and redwood shavings. You promptly die of asbestosis and lung cancer.

I wish all cancer caused by previous wishes, directly or indirectly, would spontaneously occupy the body of Ballos.

 

Granted. That explains why he suddenly morphs into a giant head.

I wish the standard abbreviation for the word "condominium" were one letter longer than it currently is.

 

Granted, it's "condor." Very confusing.

I wish that fucking condor from Super Mario 64 would die.

 

Granted, Paper Mario no longer exists.

I wish everything was the same as it is now.