I hate Gen Z so damn much. They do so much shit that utterly concerns and confuses me. This world feels like it's falling apart My life feels like it's steadily falling apart.
I hate being a part of Gen Z. I wish I was born at least a decade earlier, or back when things weren't nearly as depressing. If I were born a decade earlier, I would've been able to participate in the Cave Story community/fandom during its prime, I would've been able to experience things I wish I was able to experience. And to be honest, I feel a strange connection with the late 90's to early 2010's. Almost as if I belonged. Almost as if I lived a previous life during then, but I lost that life, and now I'm stuck in this life, as part of Gen Z, where there's a pandemic that has practically become an endemic on steroids, and other things I won't mention. It could explain why I get this feeling of nostalgia, and de ja vu for many things that are pre-2013 with some exceptions from 2013 - 2016. Of course, I don't actually believe any of that. Who do you think I am, Chris Chan?
But, feelings of nostalgia, and de ja vu for many things that are pre-2013 with some exceptions from 2013 - 2016 is something I actually do experience.
I'm kind of panicking right now.
There's this mod that I want to make for the modfest going on right now, but the person making the sprites has been having issues with his internet.
I know I said I was going to become better at drawing, and I have been practicing a bit. But I only have three days left to finish this mod, so I need someone who is actually good at drawing for this. It's either this mod is finished before May 3rd, or it'll never be finished.
I apologize for the post from yesterday.
I wasn't thinking straight, and something happened that caused me to become extremely upset.
I will be honest though, I'm sick of being in projects that become abandoned or cancelled.
After a while of thinking, I think it would be best if I put Project Ampersand on an indefinite hold.
I'm doing this because my current conditions make it difficult for progress to be made.
I'm not very good with TSC. I'm only passable at making maps. I have to rely on someone else to edit the source code. I have to rely on other people to create artwork/sprites because I can't draw, and the artists are never able to finish anything for the mod. And the only thing I'm actually really good at is music.
For so long, I really didn't want to put Project Ampersand on hold because I wanted people to have hope for it, and I didn't want it to end up like other abandoned/cancelled mods. Now I've realized that I should, given the conditions I stated.
While Project Ampersand is on hold, I will participate in modfests more often, and use the mods I make during those modfests as practice.
I will try to practice drawing, as well as maybe learning how to use a game engine like Unity or Godot or something. I'll also put more time into learning Japanese, but I don't know if that's really on topic.
I've been procrastinating for so long, and I have only three years left until I'm an adult. I need to become more skilled at these things, so I can be successful in doing the things I want to do, and to quell the pain of this mid life crisis.
Along side that, starting today, I will no longer be known as Extra Life. Starting today, I will now be known as...
Imagine making a Cave Story mod, but you can't make sprites without them looking like complete shit, having a sprite artist that's too busy to make sprites for your mod most of the time, then try to ask a discord server with some people who are also good at sprites if anyone can cover for the other one, only to be fucking ignored.
My birthday is later this month, and it'll be three years until I'm an adult.
I feel like I'm having an existential crisis.
I still suck at most things, and the only thing I'm good at is music, more specifically chiptune.
I'm going to have to force myself to get off my ass in order to have even a slight chance of being successful when I'm an adult.
But it's not like it's gonna change the fact that I'll probably be even more miserable by then because I'll have to deal with taxes, having a job that I most definitely won't enjoy just so I can get money , bills, not being homeless, and many other things that will leave me with little to no time to do anything I want to do.
It's only going to get worse from here on out, so I'll need to try to get better at shit with the little time I have left.