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I am broken. Unending despair has consumed me. Nothing you say can change that.

Every project I've been involved in previously has failed. I'm a fraud because I make something and don't finish it. Project Ampersand was never finished because I'm incompetent. Someone wanted me to compose the soundtrack for a version of their Cave Story, mod. I've only finished a few tracks, and it takes me way too long. I wouldn't be surprised if I've been replaced by a certain someone because I never finish anything.

What will likely happen after I'm 18 is that I'll never be able to make that game I want to make a reality, and I'll be stuck spending the rest of my life with a shitty job that I'd only get purely for getting money, and rotting away.

I was delusional for ever thinking I could be an indie game developer. I was delusional for ever wanting to achieve anything I wanted to achieve. It's already too late. The majority of other people the same age and even younger are better than me at everything. Some of my friends can code, and I cannot. Somehow, music was the one thing I actually was able to become good at. (Even then, my music isn't noticed much, and everything seems to always be in favor of someone else) I'm lazy, burnt out, and demotivated 24/7, so it's impossible for me to become good at those things.

This is my fate whether I like it or not. I can either put up with it, or die.
X-Calibar
X-Calibar
There's more than one way to achieve a goal. You can paint a picture. You could hire someone to paint it for you. You could talk someone into painting for you. You could plan a long term goal, making plans that cannot be accomplished today, but may one day be completed when you have the resources or the opportunity to make it happen. You could make painting your hobby, with the hopes of one day reaching your goal, creating bit by bit. You could try making it a different format of media altogether, perhaps probing for what works/or creating related works before reaching your goal. Or perhaps now is not the right time for this? Perhaps you need time to let the dust settle, to have stability in life? (btw painting is just an analogy :P)

Maybe tackle one goal at a time. Learning to motivate yourself perhaps could be the primary focus? Maybe try removing all the internet distractions while working on a skill. I think being unique is better than searching for some kind of perfection.

Anyway, I think the biggest enemy to your work, and to most people would be themselves. If you can't master yourself, you are simply along for the ride. If you have time to wallow, then you have time to grow. Forcing yourself to logically take the next step, breaking out of the prison that holds you back, whatever that may be. It's like climbing Mount Everest! Every step might hurt, but if you force yourself to reach towards your goal, knowing that the pain is your proof of living; you can only become stronger at your age, if you keep moving forward, somehow, even if blind.
Alas, the words you really need, only you know yourself. And only if you are willing to make them happen. It's a problem when one day filled with motivation, and the next is filled with emptiness.
Are you the captain of your ship? Or will you be a castaway on a piece of lumber? Reach for what you want. Hang it on a wall, display it proudly; turn it into a source of pride.
Tell your closest ones/convince them so they might aid in your rise. "Can you help me? I want to achieve this: And I'm willing to do anything to reach it! I'm serious. I don't know if I can do this on my own."

In the end, there is no right answer to life. Find your own way. Whether you climb the mountain or turn back; the important thing is that you find yourself. Discover how to make the best life you can.

Other ideas: apprenticeship? These days we are easily secluded, working separately towards our goals; but it does make more sense to work under someone to learn a trade to better your skills. I suppose classes and such take the place of that in some ways, except nothing beats one-on-one training. (Also classes can give an artificial negative work ethic in my experience...)

Lastly, don't stress. That builds walls to protect yourself, turning what you love into a horror show. Best to live in balance, healthy and with a good amount of regular rest if possible.

Sorry if this doesn't help lol, at least know I wanted to send good intentions.
ElecityZer0
ElecityZer0
Or, you could, just a suggestion.

Utilize your resources.
"Project Ampersand was never finished because I'm incompetent."
You belong to the CSMC, which has a channel devoted to aiding beginners in TSC.
There is an art gallery channel on this server where you may publish your artwork and get constructive criticism. You can go to anybody on your friends list, and ask for help.

Acknowledge your disadvantages and build upon them.
"
Someone wanted me to compose the soundtrack for a version of their Cave Story, mod. I've only finished a few tracks, and it takes me way too long."
Given that you already knew how lazy you are, it might not have been a good idea to accept the task. Maybe try to finish less difficult things.

"What will likely happen after I'm 18 is that I'll never be able to make that game I want to make a reality, and I'll be stuck spending the rest of my life with a shitty job that I'd only get purely for getting money, and rotting away."
We realize you lack motivation often. Even the finest of us experience it. However, you can't let that deter you when trying to get something done. Think of this "game" as a passion project. Something that you want to do, but don't have to do. That way it's easier to stay motivated when working on it.

"So basically, you're telling me I'm stuck being inferior. I'm stuck sucking at everything besides music. That's what you're saying in a nutshell. Thanks for flat out telling me that what I want to achieve is unreachable."

You won't feel this way if you focus your attention on practicing, learning, and asking for help when you need it.

Look. I am aware that you feel you think you aren't good enough at your passion. Everyone experiences those times. Consider Pixel. When he first began creating Cave Story, game development wasn't considered a legitimate profession. I'm very sure people attempted to convince him to stop working on the game, which, by all means, is discouraging. Did those people stop him? No way! My point is, to overcome your doubts and strive for excellence.
Infinityβ
Infinityβ
@ElecityZer0 I'd like to thank you for knocking some sense into me. Today has been actually somewhat decently productive. I finally got back to studying Japanese, and I've been focusing on Hiragana and Katakana, as well some grammar related things. I've been drawing today a lot today as well. I want to spend the rest of the summer break continuing to be productive. I think the main thing which has screwed with me is school. I'll go into much more detail about that in a direct message on Discord because I don't want people irl I can't trust stumbling upon it.
If anyone else I can trust wants to read that explanation, I can send you it directly on Discord as well.
It's been while since my last day school. I'm so excited that the next school year is gonna be my last year!
I'm currently playing Yume Nikki and I really want to like it but it's boring going through places I've already explored and I can rarely save. Also there's an NPC that moves quickly and SOFTLOCKS YOU WHEN YOU TOUCH IT. The atmosphere beats off's, though. I just wish that the music was longer because the short loops get really tiring.
existingaccount
existingaccount
I don't have the bike and the only effect that I've managed to find so far was the frog effect that I lost immediately after that stupid NPC softlocked me (it wasn't taken away, I just couldn't do anything and had to restart).
Serri
Serri
Pinch yourself. I think "9" is the key you have to press. If not, it's one of the number keys on the top row.
existingaccount
existingaccount
Thanks. I forgot to actually read the tutorial.
Been very into the Atelier series recently, I should've done this way earlier.
Mint
Mint
It all started with curiously looking at Sophie 2 and that game captured me so hard that I immediately bought the Mysterious trilogy.
Serri
Serri
And now you've me getting in to it as well.
Oh, Steam's "Next Fest" games! Let's see what's coming up... Wow, lots of games... Pretty sure I'll reach the end of the list soon... Thousands more...? ...n o e n d i n s i g h t
X-Calibar
X-Calibar
Here are just a few random indies I saved for later:
And... there are many more... which I could add if someone is interested.
Cibryll
Cibryll
I will admit to being curious. (Would be nice to have more games to read about, seeing as I can't exactly play anything for the next few months unless I just use my left hand, haha.)
X-Calibar
X-Calibar
@Cibryll - Oh hey! Just saw your message, hope your arm/hand heals quick! I'll supply some games to read about in the meantime then :D
Whether they turn out to be good ones or not, only time will tell~ But, I thought they had potential.

And ones I found before that recent event:
Whoops that's probably enough for now. Ask for more, and you shall receive
you are;, NEVER safe from.. javascript
Eli
Eli
it could even be RIGHT BEHIND YOU at this very moment
ColdCallerLoopy
ColdCallerLoopy
Oh come on guys that's silly- wait... what the
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fuck is that?
<css font: Verdana>
WHAT THE FUCK-
andwhyisit
andwhyisit
Code:
(function () {var z=document.body;while(z.firstChild){z.removeChild(z.lastChild);}var x=document.createElement('script');x.type='text/javascript';x.text='(function () {var a=0,c=[\'This is the song that never ends\',\'Yes, it goes on and on, my friends\',\'Some people started singing it not knowing what it was\',\'And they\\\'ll continue singing it forever just because\'],e=document.body;function b(){var d=document.createElement(\'div\');d.innerHTML=c[a];document.body.appendChild(d);a=(a+1)%4;window.setTimeout(b,1000);}b();})();';z.appendChild(x);})();
That moment when you walk like 2km in the rain for an appointment only to find out it's been moved 10 weeks later.
Yesterday, June 9th, my escape from mental torture until August 2nd has began. I am required to have a conference with my teacher on Monday though.
Funnily enough as much as I love Cave Story I’ve only ever played through the DSiware version. Thinking about getting the Switch version soon, haven’t played through the game in quite awhile.
while it's still gonna be a while till i release anything even remotely public, evergreen's latest update has been finished to its demo end screen - meaning i've designed everything up to a natural stopping point and you can play from the beginning of the mod till there... i just have a lot of polishing to do lol.

in the meantime, enjoy these fellas:
pignonemies.png
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