Movie script

Oh, hey, great job with that script! Now, I’m going to try my hand at a bit of constructive criticism. You could say that I’m going to play at being an editor I really do like it so far, so don’t take these the wrong way. Also, it is your project – no one else’s.

1. I don’t really like the way the intro is done. The maniacal laughter is very corny – as are the phrases “At last I have it” and “at last, it begins!”. Also, the way it cuts between everything in the intro seems like it would kind-of separate the viewer from the main character. It just seems like it would not be the best way to do it, the movie jerking from one place to another so quickly like that. I know this is how it was done in the game, but a game is different from a movie.
This is going to make me sound like a jerk, but… Here’s how I’d do it: (this is adapted from yours, of course. Also, I really don’t know the format for a script for a movie.)


The screen is black. A digital type of text appears at the top
of the screen, letter by letter, as if typed.
Text: Starting transmission…
After a pause, more text, a few lines below the first.
Text:
Connecting to network...
Logged on.
Executing chat algorithm.
A radio frequency opens, and after a moment, a man is heard. He sounds to be in his
early twenties, if not younger. The transmission is slightly obscured by radio white noise.
Man: Sue? You there? It's me. Kazuma!
Kazuma: I managed to get away somehow, but I've gotten lost... I've found a shelter, but there's nothing here. If you can hear me, please answer! ...Please?

Scene: View of boy’s face. He looks to be in his early teens, with pale and short black
hair. He wears a red hat and some sort of small, green radio device on both ears. The hat
has a white patch across the front with text on it, but the text is in another language. He
is lying on a stone floor, and his eyes are shut. A faint sound like the operation of a computer can be heard.
Cut to a view from the side of his head, silhouetted. A quiet beeping noise, similar to one heard during the startup of a computer is played once. About one second later, cut the same view of the boy’s face again. About three seconds after the beeping noise, he opens his eyes quickly, as if from shock.
Scene: Small dark cave. The walls are grey, with some moss. Water forms a shallow pool
at the bottom of the cavern. Lying on a large rock in the middle of the cave is the boy
from before. He wears a black tank top, with long red pants and black boots. The boy
slowly gets up into a sitting position, rubbing his head. He looks around the cave, not
seeing anything of interest, until he spies a small pistol lying on a cluster of rocks that
protrudes from the water below. The boy crawls over and takes the gun, putting it in a
holster on his belt. All of a sudden, the radio frequency turns back on, taking the boy by
surprise. After a moment, the same man’s voice is heard, and the boy listens intently.
Cut to: Small metal building. The building is completely bare, save a small rack of keys,
an old metal desk and chair, an old computer, and some sort of metal pod. The pod has a
semispherical top, and a four-legged round stand for the bottom. They are attached by
one thick piece of metal in back. Sitting at the desk is Kazuma. He has green hair, and
wears a lab coat. The audience cannot see his face. He speaks into a microphone
attached to the computer. White words light up the blue screen.
Text:
Searching for user "Sue"...
1 user "Sue" found.
Kazuma: Sue! Please respond! They're looking for you... Are you asleep? Your brother
is so lonely...
Cut to: Cave with the boy in it. He still stands, listening to the transmission. It cuts off.
After a moment, the boy looks around again, spying an opening on a ledge a few feet
above his head. The boy gets up, and crawls up onto the ledge.
Cut to: Darkened tunnel. The tunnel is made of the same material as the cave was, and is
just as dark. Water drips from the ceiling in various places. It is very narrow.
Cut to: Hole in the wall, camera sitting on the hole’s right. The boy steps out from the
hole in the wall into the tunnel. He looks left (away), then right, then, finding the right to
be the better, makes his way along it, shuffling around rocks and ledges, bumping his
head once on the low ceiling. As he goes, the tunnel gets slowly brighter, until he reaches a bright light.
Cut to: Outside of the tunnel, opening into a large cavern. The stone here is of a more
brown color. The cavern is strangely lit, brightly at that. The camera faces the hole,
which sits high up on a narrow ledge. The boy crawls out to the ledge and looks out.
Cue the beginning of the theme music.
Cut to: The boy’s view of the cavern.
Cut to: The opening credits and the title of the movie: “Cave Story”.


Do with that whatever you want.


2. The fisherman should be more surprised that Quote doesn’t know what a Mimiga is. So instead of,
Fisherman: You don’t know what a Mimiga is? We’re Mimiga.
Boy: Oh. Mi…mi…ga.
I’d do

Fisherman: You don’t know what a Mimiga is? You’re kidding, right?
Boy: I really don’t know.
Fisherman: Well, we’re Mimiga. Everyone who lives in this village, I mean.
Boy: Oh. Mi…mi…ga.


3. Toroko takes of, should be Toroko takes off,. You probably knew that, but it’s good to point out typos.

4. The scene in which Curly catches a brief glimpse of Quote and then silently runs away is a very cool scene, and I have no idea why you cut it.

Other than those points, I loved it! Awesome job. Keep up the good work.

 

Thanks!

Yeah, I thought that the laughter was corny. I couldn't think of anything else at the time. But the jerky beginning is there to give a sense of mystery.

The fisherman should be more surprised, now that I think about it.

Yes, please tell me if you see typos! Word doesn't get everything, and I'm grammar imperative.

The only reason I didn't add the curly scene is that King is still right there. If King saw curly, logic would say that he would follow Quote in that direction, and that would kill the whole 'Quote gets beaten by some girl and four kids' scene. I'll find a way to get it in eventually.


Oh, Quote's personality. I'm still questioning it. He starts out confused, that's for sure. But the ending of the storehouse scene is the turning point of him becoming the hero. His personality really has to shine through here, and I don't really have a personality for him yet...


EDIT: Please hold on, my website crashed, and the file I had on there won't open. I have it on MegaUploads, but am trying to get it on the FTP. Evil Bravenet.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XPNR7XNB

 

But the jerky beginning is there to give a sense of mystery.

Sorry to be blunt - the script is great overall - but the jerkiness just gives a sense of inconsistency, confusion and shoddy movie-making. Like it was cut out from the very middle of the movie, instead of the beginning.

My version of the intro is too long, so I shouldn't be too critical.

Downloading the next part now.

EDIT: Oh, wait, that's not the next part. Nevermind.

 

I never got the point of Toroko dying. I know King died 'cause he was a jerk, especially to Sue.

King was actually a good guy, just not to the stranger
but King was just putting the needs of the many over the one.
You just think he is a jerk because of what he did to sue,
but try looking at it in a different way.

Besides, Sue alienated herself from the mimigas and
claimed to hate the island and all who lived in it.

(Insert image of Quote here.)

 

Actually, have the kazuma sequences just as signals
being picked up by Quote (audio) without switching to the building
that Kazuma is in, also make it that anyone that has not played
cave story before will not know where the voice is coming from so that
they don't learn that Quote is a robot til' after Grasstown.

 

I'll try to fix the intro.

You still have to admit, though, King locks Sue in a cage and threatens to rip her limbs off. Not exactly a boy scout, eh?

The Kazuma scenes are in the game as well, and unless you've played the game before, you still wouldn't get it. And Quote has the green radio transceivers on his ears, as long as those are obviously transceivers (which they should be), then most people will believe that that is what is picking up the signal.

 

And the Background music? It'd be really cool to have scorching back played during a boss fight or something.

 

I was actually thinking of using some of the remixes of the game music that are on the internet. That whole remix project thing sounds pretty good. Oh, I was trying to make a few simple edits to the original soundtrack for some bgm using Anvil. Does anyone know where I can find the Cave story soundtrack as Midi's? Or a good free midi converter?

 

I was actually thinking of using some of the remixes of the game music that are on the internet. That whole remix project thing sounds pretty good. Oh, I was trying to make a few simple edits to the original soundtrack for some bgm using Anvil. Does anyone know where I can find the Cave story soundtrack as Midi's? Or a good free midi converter?

There is no converter.

Cuv Stoay MID's buy za Es Pe Sānaitobaitsu.

 

Midis! Wheee!


EDIT: Bravenet's back up. For how long, I don't know. But you can get it here again:

http://homebase-kice.com/Cave%20Story%20Script%20v0.1.pdf

 

Some feedback and criticism

* You DON'T have to use every dialogue as it is in the game. Add stuff where there is room, and delete where there is not. The only dialogues you've added are Quote's and for humour.
* I liked the way you deleted the unnecessary item collection in GT and SZ.
* I'd like you have King GIVE the blade to Quoote rather than have Quote pick it up by himself. It just doesn't feel right for the main character to steal a braveheart's weapon.
* Igor should hit Sue twice at the most before taking off. In those kinda situations it's rescue first and then ask questions for the saviour. I've always found it pretty dumb that we can only wait and watch, but this has scope to put it right, so use it.
* You've got great imagination and camera skill. I hope the release is as good as it sounds. GO ATRAVIR!!!

 

Wehew! I have a fan!

The direct quotes from the game are there because I copied and pasted most from the tutorial, although I did go back and play through the game for more detail. I intended to go back and paraphrase most of it, but I procrastinate.

I've also decided to not post another version until it's finished and registered. Although that won't be long, at the moment Quote is wondering what the big floaty thing with blue eyes is... and why it's looking at him like that.

 

Mr. Little should join the fight with the nemesis
rather than giving it to quote, because he would
not give away the blade, a last gift from a dying
Mimiga.

Quote should get the Spur and make it both single
fire, and charged fire.

In the sequel I reckon a combination of spur and
bubbler, called Lightshow, should be made. Think of
it as a Polar Star shot for every bubble burst.

 

My question is how the heck does Mr. Little hold the nemesis?? It'd squish him!

If I'm going to add any good weapon, it will probably be the spur. I need to go back and add the hermit gunsmith.

Bubbler+Spur=...? Bur. Or Spubbler.
Make a cool weapon in the game, but not really in a movie. I can't remember if I even added the bubbler. I don't think I did.

EDIT: I love Anvil. Got the MIDI of Mimiga Village and made this in thirty seconds.
Village of Hope

 

My question is how the heck does Mr. Little hold the nemesis?? It'd squish him!

If I'm going to add any good weapon, it will probably be the spur. I need to go back and add the hermit gunsmith.

Bubbler+Spur=...? Bur. Or Spubbler.
Make a cool weapon in the game, but not really in a movie. I can't remember if I even added the bubbler. I don't think I did.

EDIT: I love Anvil. Got the MIDI of Mimiga Village and made this in thirty seconds.
Village of Hope

The nemesis is probably a small weapon for the amount of power it
holds, but will still be a little big for Mr. Little, but with his size he should
be able to carry heavier items as a ratio to his weight then us ours. Have
you ever seen how much an ant can carry, make Little 15-20cm high and
the Nemesis slightly smaller than the Polar Star.

You must have it that Quote finds the Bubbler in Chaco's fireplace.

Lightshow is still a better name than Spubbler, 'cause its everywhere
at once.

 

The nemesis is the Goddess' weapon for experts or something from its description, I'm sure it has some kind of magical properties, probably fits to the size of the user. But, then again you do give the little man the Blade to trade... Hmm.
I'd say the Littles are full of tricks...!

 

You should also show how and why Sue is allowed out of her cage. It just seems weird if she's out of the cage just after King threatens to kill her.

 

You should also show how and why Sue is allowed out of her cage. It just seems weird if she's out of the cage just after King threatens to kill her.

I think this was because, that it makes no sense not to let her out of the cage, because the doctor is wanting mimigas to test the red flowers, on them. So he problary want to test it on Toroko. (That's what he did anyway)

 

I think this was because, that it makes no sense not to let her out of the cage, because the doctor is wanting mimigas to test the red flowers, on them. So he problary want to test it on Toroko. (That's what he did anyway)

I wasn't talking about the effect on the story, which it is irrelevant to. It does take the player about two or three seconds to realize that things have calmed down. But in the script, most of the item collection in Grasstown has been cut. The way the script goes, she's let out alarmingly soon.

 

I'll probably add the bubbler in, I'm just too lazy right now.

As for the nemesis, no way. Blade stays, it's a moral thing. That and I need the lvl3 thing for the finishing move with the doctor. The littles were kind of pointless story wise, so even if they're in the movie, it will be a small part.

Lightshow? Probably not. It'd require giving up the spur. And the spur rocks.

As for Sue getting out of her cage, I don't think it was as much of time as it was that she explains the what the doctor's plans are to King and Jack, who realize the spectrum of the whole thing and let her out. Because up until then, they had no real concept of who the Doctor really was. That's kind of hard to explain though in the movie. Maybe I can make that scene longer, and go back a bit to show the start of the conversation.

EDIT: And do you really want Quote to go get the jellyfish juice five times? Honestly? That's a lot of repetition. And it'd kick the movie length up fifteen minutes, and it will probably already be bordering 2 1/2 hours.