Badly Drawn Adventure

You wake up in a mushroom courtroom and you are on trial for attempted murder (of the mushroom you almost ate).

 

Hey guys, I know you like the Adventure and would like it to continue, I would like that too, but, well, let's just say that I've had a little too mouch of it in the last few days, so I'm taking a break now. I'm not saying that the Adventure ends here, I just need a day or two off, so that I can get it out of my system, so that I can bring more fresh experience to you later. I'm really sorry, but I promise, the Adventure will continue. Until then, please feel free to post all your ideas. Thank you all

 

I like Wedge's idea.

 

I like

Action! Romance! Hat full of Piss'n'Puke!

 

[Hey guys, BDA is back! Now I just want you to understand this one thing: You asked a Phoenix Wright fan to do a trial. The result is your fault, not mine. This episode will be short, and your skills will determine how long will it take to solve. The names are a bit stupid, just go with it. Anyway, the gameplay in this episode will be similar to that one of PW. Not completely identical, but if you played the games, you'll know what to do. The trial isn't perfect, but there is a way to get out of it. And just for completeness's sake, here's your current inventory: *Bottle*, *Cool Hat*, *Spike*, *Pancake*.]

You were still a little dazed when the mushroom-like creatures led you into the cave that looked suspiciously like a courtroom. The cave was lit, a fact that surprised you a little, but you didn't have much time to think about it.

Episode 2: Turnabout Mushroom

<Judge>
The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. S. C.

<Edy>
The prosecution is ready, Your Honor.

<Uki>
The defense is ready, Your Honor.

<Judge>
Mr. S. C., you're accused of attempted murder of Mr. Kari.

<S.C.>
Murder?!

<Uki>
Uh... Mr. S. C., he says you tried to eat him.

<Judge>
Mr. Edy, your opening statement, please.

<Edy>
Yes, Your Honor. Mr. Kari works as a guard at the Ground Spike monument. On the day of this incident, he was on duty, when suddenly he was attacked by the defendant. The defendant tried to kill and eat Mr. Kari, but furtunately didn't succeed.

<Judge>
I see. And how did Mr. Kari manage to make his escape?

<Edy>
Your Honor, I would like to call Mr. Kari to testify about this matter himself.

<Judge>
Very well, then.

<Edy>
Witness, please state your name and occupation.

<Kari>
Yes sir. I am Ha Kari and I am a guard at the Ground Spike monument.

<Edy>
Thank you. Now testify to the court about the incident.

<Kari>
Right away.


WITNESS ACCOUNT
<Kari>
I was doing my job guarding the Spike. I'm very important, because nobody can even touch the Spike, you know. Anyway, all of a sudden, this guy just walked over, picked me up and tried to eat me. I started screaming, which made him cover his ears, so he dropped me and I ran away.


<Judge>
I see.

<Edy>
This is a picture of the crime scene, drawn by the authorities. The attempted crime happened in the center. On the right, you can see the sign boulder, behind it were these two objects, a *Hard Hat* and a *Pile of broken glass*. On the left is, unfortunately, broken Ground Spike lying on the ground.

<Judge>
What?! Our greatest monument, broken?! Who did this?!

<Edy>
That is still under investigation. But now we should focus on the matter at hand.

<Judge>
Um, yes, that is true.

<Edy>
This case is as clear as day. The defendant is guilty.

<Uki>
Objection! There is no proof thhat the defendant actually did what he is accused of.

<Kari>
What?! He did it! I swear!

<Judge>
Please, calm down, witness. Mr. Edy, the defense has a point. Do you have a proof of the defendant's guilt?

<Edy>
Heh, heh, heh. Mr. Uki, did you really think that I;ve come here unprepared?

<Uki>
What?

<Edy>
The defendant is densely covered by the victim's spores. When the defendant was holding Mr. Kari in his hand, Mr. Kari screamed and emitted a large quantity of spores, which then stuck to the defendant.

<Kari>
Oh yeah, that's right, I did exactly that.

<S.C.>
What?

<Edy>
Oh my, you don't know about spores, do you, Mr. S. C.?

<S.C.>
No...

<Edy>
You see, our kind uses spores to reproduce. Every individual continuously emits them, even though a more complex process is needed for the actual reproduction. This cannot be stopped, because of biological reasons, though the emission can be temporarily increased, either willingly or unwillingly. That's why we can prove that you, Mr. S. C., are guilty!

<S.C.>
(Oh crap, he got me! I have to think of something fast!)​

[Here you go. Do what you can.]

 

1. What does S. C. stand for?
2. All they have for evidence is spores, which the mushrooms often release involuntarily. Anything could have happened to excite Ha Kari, including but not limited to Kari attacking SC, Kari being terrified by someone landing right next to him, or Kari being sexually aroused. Take your pick; it's his word against SC's.

 

<S.C.>
Oh come on now! Those spores don't prove anything! They could've gotten on me at any time! It's just my word against his!

....

....

....

<S.C.>
What?!

<Uki>
I'm sorry, Mr. S. C., but Mr. Kari is a respectable member of our society, and you're, well, just a human.

<S.C.>
You're kidding me, right?

<Edy>
Oh, that's only a minor issue. However! Our analysis proved that the most spores were located on the defendat's hands and around his mouth. When Mr. Kari started screaming, the defendant was holding him in his hands right next to his mouth!

<S.C.>
No!

<Edy>
Yes! This proves that the defendant in fact did attempt to eat Mr. Kari!

<S.C.>
But! But!

<Judge>
Order! Mr. S. C., if you don't calm down immediately, I will have you restrained.

<S.C.>
(Oh crap! I have to think of a way to prove that the spores got on me in a different way, and fast!)​

Spoiler

There you go, Cap. I didn't think about this, but, well, it makes sense.

1. What does S. C. stand for?

I'm not gonna tell you just yet.

 

It's called color of right. Mr. S. C. did intentionally try to eat Mr. Kari, but he did not know that the mushroom was intelligent and therefore was not attempting murder. He knew what he was doing but didn't know it was illegal, so it's not murder.
I hope this trial is in Canada because I studied Canadian law and if it gets much more complicated that's what I'm going to be using.

 

I can imagine what would happen if you said that to a courtroom full of intelligent mushrooms. Aside from that, we in Czech republic say that "Ignorance is no excuse" (or something like that).
Do you have a lot of intelligent mushrooms in Canada? Just kidding, this trial will only need logic. Bizzare, twisted logic, but still logic.

 

WELL IN CANADA IT'S A LAW. The Canadian law system is based on the British law system. And guess what? The British kind of took over half the world.
And Mr. SC didn't know the mushroom was intelligent when he tried to eat it. That was obvious. I thought the smiley face was just a pattern. But if you don't want to have a serious trial then we won't.
Stand up and yell "OBJECTION", throw your pancake at Edy, then draw your spike. What are they gonna do? They're tiny mushrooms.

 

Stand up and yell "OBJECTION", throw your pancake at Edy, then draw your spike. What are they gonna do? They're tiny mushrooms.

Quit daydreaming you moron! One of these things knocked you out cold, and there's, like, million of them in the audience!​

Spoiler

WELL IN CANADA IT'S A LAW. The Canadian law system is based on the British law system. And guess what? The British kind of took over half the world.
And Mr. SC didn't know the mushroom was intelligent when he tried to eat it. That was obvious. I thought the smiley face was just a pattern. But if you don't want to have a serious trial then we won't.

Well, I based this on the system I know best, which is "Use hard evidence (i.e. all the crap you found or stole) to blow holes in the opposition's claims". You know, even if I knew everything about law, I couldn't do this according to a real life law system, because, well, there are people from all over the world here.
About your argument, yeah, it's good, but 1) Saying "Eating intelligent mushrooms is fine as long as I don't know they're intelligent" in front of masses of intelligent mushrooms is asking for being killed, and 2) you cannot prove that you didn't know it.
And yeah, I did not state that I don't want a serious trial.

 

Well shit, man, it's kinda hard to find cold, hard evidence refuting something that you did.

Saying "Eating intelligent mushrooms is fine as long as I don't know they're intelligent" in front of masses of intelligent mushrooms is asking for being killed

How? NOW YOU KNOW THEY'RE INTELLIGENT. NOW YOU WONT EAT ANY. A GOOD JUDGE WOULD KNOW THAT. So point that out.

 

Ignorantia juris non excusat.
I've read somewhere that mushrooms can't survive in a basic (ie. acid-base) soil.
Sooo...
Piss on them (as urine is *slightly* basic...)?
Failing that, try attaching the spike to the Piss 'n' Puke hat, put it on and charge them like a bull?
Failing that, grab several handfuls of dirt and throw them everywhere, and escape while the mushrooms are blinded?

 

1. Urine can be acidic or alkaline. Let's hope SC's pee is a base.
2. We no longer have the piss 'n puke hat.
3. That's one of the most ridiculous ideas I've ever heard. You could probably escape whether they were blinded or not. How fast you think they can run?
How about you ask your lawyer what the sentence would probably be for attempted murder?

 

Wouldn't it be attempted fungicide?
xD

 

I'm railroading too much, aren't I?

Well shit, man, it's kinda hard to find cold, hard evidence refuting something that you did.

Yeah, man, I thought of that myself. I was a bit afraid to do this, but then I thought "Eh, my players are smart, they can win the trial easily." If you don't mind hints, it's about proving that the evidence doesn't prove anything. I know that you can say that easily and presenting clues can look a bit redundant, but I promise that it'll make sense...

How? NOW YOU KNOW THEY'RE INTELLIGENT. NOW YOU WONT EAT ANY. A GOOD JUDGE WOULD KNOW THAT. So point that out.

Well, this is less about the judge and more about the crowd. It's just as if humans tried an aline, who would say "Eating humans is fine as long as you know that humans are intelligent". Sure, the judge might rule him innocent, but the crowd would still demand his head.

EDIT: Dammit! Don't post when I'm typing a response!

 

How fast you think they can run?

They can run so fast, they can fill a lawsuit and start a trial within 2 days.

 

aline

What's that?

 

What's that?

A typo. It means "extraterrestrial".

 

Well obviously we can't win the trial my way because that would require us to think up an entire law system for the mushrooms. We'll do it your Phoenix Wright way.
Tell them you weren't intending to eat the mushroom and instead were simply holding it up to your face to examine it. Since you didn't know it was a sentient being, you didn't try talking to it first.

I still don't think it's fair to be imprisoned for a crime you weren't aware that you were committing. In CANADA, you must prove actus reus, the guilty deed, and mens rea, a guilty mind. SC didn't have intent to kill a sentient being so he is not being tried for murder, he's being tried for manslaughter. He also didn't know he was breaking any laws. Ever played Halo? The entire Covenant is trying to exterminate humanity for defiling some ancient holy artifacts that the humans aren't aware of. SOUNDS FAIR DOESN'T IT?