RTD: Netland II

>run the fuck away
>if we can't get out in time roll to dodge explosion

 

>Help Mr. Broken Leg outta there

 

Explosive: run the fuck away

Explosive: 1 (oh nooooesss)

25...

The party runs out of the corridor.

15...

You're in the enterance chamber.

5...
4..
3..
2..
1..
*A SPLODE*

Roll to A Splode: 2 2 6 4 2

Jake tears like hell out of the cavern, with Cyn close behind him. The rest of the party isn't quite so fast. You are thrown to the ground by the shockwave of the blast.

Jake and Cyn hear the WOOSHing noise of an approaching vehicle, a large rectangular four wheeled contraption with the TOAST Industries logo on the side. It stops in front of the party and a big hatch in the back flips open. Colnel Peterson jumps out.

"Good job. Looks like you got scratched up a bit. Half a minute in a healbooth ought to fix you right up."

Everyone gets into the vehicle. There's only one seat, but there are twelve pods mounted on the walls that you can strap into. Everyone gets in and the Colnel drives the vehicle back to the camp at about a hundred and fifty miles per hour.

At the camp you are lead to a small elevator-sized red booth. A sign on the inside reads "TOAST Industries Emergency Medical Station". The injured party members walk (or in Cheese's case are carried) into the booth. A metal door silently appears in front of the enterance, and all your injuries close up and heal in a few seconds. The metal door disappears as silently as it appears.

"I suppose you're going to want us to transport you to the next entity. You can take one of those Ultravans. We'll program the onboard computer to guide you to it."

Statuses:

QuoteXCurly:
RPG: 15 HE 15 I
?Copper Bracelets?
2 22mm pistols, 12 mags (6 bullets each).

Explosive:
SCOWTER, C4+Detonator

JakeXanth:
Shotgun: 43

Cyn:
45. Mag: 25

WedgeOfCheese:
Assault Rifle: 80 KN 5 HE (-2 unfamilarty bonus)
TI Femto-EAGLE

___
Vote on the next setting! I don't have any ideas at the moment, I should have planned ahead a bit...

 

Vote on the next setting! I don't have any ideas at the moment, I should have planned ahead a bit...

>Board Ultravan
>Navigate to SNOW WORLD

 

>Navigate to SNOW WORLD

...
Where exactly?

 

...
Where exactly?

Suspicious activity detected in the mountains and valleys of the frigid north. We go find out what's going on over there.
Etc.

 

every appearance i can think of feels too Deus Ex Machina-y right now

 

every appearance i can think of feels too Deus Ex Machina-y right now

Oh... right...

Well, actually that doesn't matter at all because it would be a Deus Ex Machina in-story as well. The GodAIs, remember?

 

>get malpercio from a chest
>ask for a weapon and some (6) white parkas as payment for killing that thing
and also the porn

 

Explosive: ask for a weapon and some (6) white parkas as payment for killing that thing

Explosive: 6

"Well, if you want TOAST guns you're going to have to become a TOAST employee and get your implants. You can follow us back to the base and get signed up. You'll have to run through a quick test course to determine your security level. The last bunch of folks who were working for the AIs got through in about ten minutes. They built a starship down there too, one of the finest flying contraptions I've ever seen."

Suddenly, a person appears. He/she introduces itself as Malperico.

Statuses:

QuoteXCurly:
RPG: 15 HE 15 I
?Copper Bracelets?
2 22mm pistols, 12 mags (6 bullets each).

Explosive:
SCOWTER, C4+Detonator

JakeXanth:
Shotgun: 43

Cyn:
45. Mag: 25

WedgeOfCheese:
Assault Rifle: 80 KN 5 HE (-2 unfamilarty bonus)
TI Femto-EAGLE

___
Become employees of TOAST Industries? It'll take a few turns to get accepted, but you'll have access to some pretty big guns and unique technology.

 

>double accept

 

Suddenly, a person appears. He/she introduces itself as Malperico.

now how about i introduce myself as Malpercio.
also i'm a SPARTAN. but, my MJOLNIR armor looks more like a cross between the Master Chief's and Samus's Gravity Suit. I didn't manage to bring a gun with me, wherever i came from.
> join group and triple accept

 

>Check out my quads.
>Accept.

 

>Check out my quads.

Your whats?

EDIT:

Also, the Team Fortess 2 Wiki responds to the Konami Code. Awesome.

 

PURELY EXPOSITORY TURN: 4000 POINTS

The Colonel drives you back to the local TOAST base in the Ultravan.
He waves his hand at some sort of thing on a wall, and a robot with some sort of antigravity propulsion system shows up.

"This is a TIRE, TOAST Industries... something or other. It'll help you through the signup process." He wanders off.

The TIRE leads you to a row of booths similar to the medical booth.

"If you will please just step in here, you will receive your basic implants."

In the back of the booth there is a pod similar to the one in the Ultravan. You climb in and are secured. The door appears and the booth grows perfectly dark. You hear whirring and clunking noises. You see sparks for a second, then the pod releases you and the door opens.

You notice that there is now a translucent black square in the upper right corner of your vision.

Text appears in the square.

TOAST INDUSTRIES IMPLANT BASE V14
REGISTRATION COMPLETE: CLEARANCE LEVEL 0

"Good. You may now select up to three optional extension implants. The booth will give you the list over your implant if you look at it."


MODULES INSTALLED:
BASE

MODULES CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FOR LEVEL 0:

FLIGHT 0
AUTOMEDICAL 0
TELEKINESIS 0
AIM 0
REMOTE CAMERA 0

 

>FLIGHT 0
>AUTOMEDICAL 0
>REMOTE CAMERA 0

 

> AUTOMEDICAL 0
> FLIGHT 0
> AIM 0

 

> TELEKINESIS 0
> FLIGHT 0
> AIM 0

 

"Good", the TIRE says. "Now we can move on to the main testing facilities. Follow, please."

He leads you to a semitransparent black platform lying on the ground with some sort of beacon in the middle. "This is the... TOAST Industries Transit System. It's based on a contraption called the ScHil Internal Transport System. It's very very fast. Stay about a foot away from the platform."
Suddenly, a large square metal plate flies directly above the platform and then instantly changes direction downward with no apparent intertia. It stops about half a foot above the platform and slowly sinks to the ground. You notice that there are seats welded to the top of the plate and some electronics in the middle.
"Get into a seat, quickly. The transport system only stops for about twenty seconds."
Everyone boards the TI transport system. It suddenly lurches ten feet into the air and begins flying around at an incredible speed, again changing direction without inertia. It appears to remove intertia from its passengers as well, otherwise your head would have come off as soon as it changed direction. The wind is opressive.

After making a few more stops, weaving around and under bridges and other architecture without slowing down at all, the TIRE indicates that this is your stop.

"This is the elevator to the testing facility. The computer will handle everything from here."

You board the elevator. The doors shut and the elevator decends for a few minutes. The muzak is opressive.

The elevator eventually opens onto a large concrete chamber. The wall behind you is bathed in green light. Down the hallway there is an enormous ledge, about fifty meters up. Above it you can see a wall bathed in red light.

A soft, feminine voice speaks. The speech synthesis is clear, but very unrealistic. "Welcome to the TOAST Industries general hiring examination. The objective of each test is to get to the opposite end of the room."
"To the left of you is a TOAST Industries standard technology dispenser and building materials. To the right is a TOAST Industries healing booth. The technology dispenser can be used to replicate most TOAST Industries tools and products."
There is a pause, and the voice suddenly sounds much more natural, and takes on an annoyed tone.
"And no, there will not be any cake at the end of the testing. You are not the first to come up with that joke."
The voice returns to its unnatural monotone.
"Begin testing now."

Statuses:

QuoteXCurly:
RPG: 15 HE 15 I
?Copper Bracelets?
2 22mm pistols, 12 mags (6 bullets each).
Implants:
[YET TO BE CHOSEN]

Explosive:
SCOWTER, C4+Detonator
Implants:
AUTOMEDICAL 0
FLIGHT 0
AIM 0

JakeXanth:
Shotgun: 43
Implants:
AIM 0
AUTOMEDICAL 0
FLIGHT 0

Cyn:
45. Mag: 25
Implants:
FLIGHT 0
AUTOMEDICAL 0
REMOTE CAMERA 0

WedgeOfCheese:
Assault Rifle: 80 KN 5 HE (-2 unfamilarty bonus)
TI Femto-EAGLE
[YET TO BE CHOSEN]

Malpercio:
Implants:
TELEKINESIS 0
FLIGHT 0
AIM 0

 

>TELEKINESIS 0
>AUTOMEDICAL 0
>FLIGHT 0