The Well - Captain Fabulous

Which do you prefer: Showering or bathing?

Ambient Malice, asking the tough, hard-hitting questions.
Showering because I don't have to wait for the bathtub to fill, or clean it as often. And it's easier to wash my hair.

If you could have sex with one global celebrity, who would it be?
And yes, you can grow a vagina if you wish.

I don't have crushes on any celebrities, as I do not know any of them personally. So I guess the smart answer is the President of the United States.

Do you have any religious beliefs? If so, what are they?
What do you value?
Favorite play/musical?
If you were forced to have sex with another forum member, who would it be?
How tall is this well?

1. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. I've yet to read one peer-reviewed holy scripture.

2. That's a big question, isn't it? I'll just throw stuff out there: honesty, punctuality, my family, spare time, education, answering questions on forums. I don't abide by my own values all the time unfortunately, but I appreciate it when other people do.

3. The Actor's Nightmare of course, since I'm going to be performing it in about seven hours. Even if I wasn't, it's still a very good one-act play. I don't actually go to see a lot of plays, and the ones I do are pretty mediacore.

4. This well is 12 feet tall and 4.5 feet wide. Sounds comfy, doesn't it.

And I'm pretty sure that's all the questions you asked.

1. If you're going through a door and someone's behind you, what's the maximum distance they could be behind you where you'd still hold the door for them?
2. Say you're in love with someone, to the extent that you believe she is your one true soulmate, but, due to circumstances mostly outside of your control, the chances of you being with her are very slim, but not quite zero. Do you think "It's worthwhile to pursue her anyway, despite the slim odds" or "It's not worth pursuing her, I can just settle for someone else" or "It's not worth pursuing her, I just won't have a relationship because nobody else could compare to her" or something else entirely?
3. What is the best way to respond to a loud fart in public? Consider both the situation where you are the farter and the one where someone near you is.
4. Suppose you own a device which you can seal yourself in for any period of time as often as you want, and which continuously activates the pleasure center in your brain. How often and for how long would you use this device? Assume no physical harm other than aging (and possibly death if you age too much - this device doesn't make you immortal) can befall you while you're sealed in this device.
5. How many dead babies does it take to give you a boner?
6. What is your opinion on the relationship between composer and performer in music? To what extent do you approve of performers "interpreting" and taking liberties with what the composer has written?
7. Do you see the pattern in this set of questions?
Also, I love how we're all just blatantly disregarding this:

1. As a door is closing, it's moving away from you, so it takes more effort to open it. I hold the door open if it wouldn't close by the time they got there, unless it's a slow door. Generally, I hold doors open for people for up to three seconds.

2. Try to forget about her and move on, but fail entirely and remain friends until a miracle happens.

3. If it's me, just try to act cool about it and maybe no one will realize it's you. Works best if you can gtfo before the weird stonk hits them. If it's someone else, a raised eyebrow is sufficient, unless it was a real thunderous rip. Then I usually applaud.

4. Sounds better than wasting time playing terrible online games. I thought it might be better than Reddit, but at least on Reddit I learn stuff and have things to share with people. I probably wouldn't use it too much, just when I really needed to wind down. I don't like the idea of being dead to world with no lasting benefits.

5. Four and a half.

6. I think the composer should have the opportunity to have his or her music played exactly how they want it, and the performer can take creative liberties with it after everyone has heard the original. If you want to be a show-off, write your own music. If it's only going to be performed once, then tough cookies Mr. Master Pianist.

7. Um... argyle?

And I never said you couldn't ask about my sex life. I also didn't say I'd answer any and all questions, however, so just ask and see which ones are okay.

1. Say you could extend your lifespan by any amount of years. If you pick zero, you will die at the age of 70. If you chose more than zero, your body would remain that of a healthy 70 year old for as long as you chose. Do you extend your life? If so, for how long?
2. Favorite season?
3. You can add or subtract one feature/problem in the human body and mind. Why do you change?
4. What's a book you would recommend to basically anyone who you get along with?
5. Favorite genre of movie?
6. Is it better to have a long relationship that ends tragically, but is perfect until its end, or a short relationship with few deep emotions at all?
7. If you owned a castle, what would be on your coat of arms? This should say something about you, not just be like "flaming snakes because they're cool."

1. When do I get to pick? Now? It's impossible to say when a good time to die would be, so I'd just say 90 years because I'm pretty sure all my friends will be dead by then. If I could add on years when I was 70, I'd have a better idea of how long I wanted to stay on this earth. But immortality is a bad, bad idea for so many reasons, even if I keep a healthy body and mind.

2. Spring, before there's shitloads of bugs everywhere and after all the green things have come out. It's not hot out, and I can get away with wearing jeans, and I can still do lots of stuff outside, and spring is just pretty good all around. Summer Lite®.

3. Give people extraordinary memory. The human mind is an extremely complex thing that I grown somewhat accustomed to, and changing our behaviour would throw a lot of philosophies out the window. We should work with what we've got. I said memory because it's one thing that would help make everyone smarter and more educated.

4. It's A Magical World, the last collection of Calvin and Hobbes comics, is technically a book and also one of my favourite things to read. C&H is the best comic I've ever read, and I'd recommend it to anyone.

5. Science fiction I think, maybe comedy. Movie genres don't matter to me as much as, say, music genres. Science fiction with humour (Serenity!) is great.

6. A long one. A short and shallow relationship would hardly matter. You would hardly notice. It would be a tiny blip in your lifeline. There's no point in such an inconsequential endeavour. I can handle a long, loving relationship ending tragically. The two extremes of emotions don't cancel each other out, they uh... I dunno, I was going to say something super corny.

7. But... but flaming snakes are cool ;~;
I dunno, coats of arms always seemed a little silly to me. And I can't think of enough things to symbolically describe myself. What are you, my high-school English teacher? Jeez. How about the Canadian coat of arms, but with less friggin' lions. Put something cool, like lightsabers in there.
I'd make a pretty shitty graphic designer.

1. Do you have a "most embarrassing moment"?

2. If you had wings, what kind would you want? ie feathers vs webbed

3. Your ship crashes onto a deserted island. There is not a single sign of life. Then one day you go to the shore and come across 2 sister mermaids. One of them has a fish tail and a human's upper half, while the other is the opposite with a fish head and human legs. You haven't fapped in ages and have to fulfill your disgusting manly needs. Which one would you have sex with? Also, no 3-somes allowed.

4. Typical question: If you could go back in the past and change one decision you made, what would it be? Also I'd appreciate it if you didn't say "NONE, I HAVE NO REGRETS. HURUGHAGN", despite it being true. I'd like an answer, even if it's really insignificant like "That one time when I went to the restaurant I would have chosen soup instead of salada".

Note how I said "decision". And with that in mind, if you could go back in the past and change the circumstances of a situation, or eliminate something that happened to you or stood in your way, what would it be?

5. If you could put yourself into one of your favorite video games, which would it be?

6. Would you rather be: deaf, blind, armless, legless, or have half of your body covered in disfiguring, severe burns?

1. One time, when I was eleven, my cousins and I were dicking around with a video camera. Our sketches were obviously of the finest quality, and during one of them I stuck the camera down my pants for some reason (was wearing underwear, at least). Then my parents watched the footage.

2. ROCKET WINGS The feathered kind, I'm pretty sure. But uh, how about bad-ass feathers. Somehow. Yeah. The most sensible wings would just be flesh-coloured bat wings, but that would be kinda (extremely gross.

3. ಠ_ಠ You must not be aware of blowjobs.

4. Of course I have regrets, I just have to think of a big, life-changing one.
Yeah the biggest thing I can think of is going to prom. Remember that chick I was friendzoned by in high school? She was my prom date. I don't like dances. We didn't have a lot of fun. I certainly didn't get any action, and I didn't go to any afterparties. I could have been hanging out with my bros that didn't go. The entire affair was horribly awkward for both of us.

5. Immediate dumb answer: The Elder Scrolls. It's a cool game, but living there would suck. Every town is either corrupt or dirty and small, and people are always getting killed. Escape Velocity Nova has another universe that's always fascinated me, but living there is even worse, unless you have the fortune to live on one of the core worlds. I think the world of Pokemon would be the best place to live, if you can ignore how retarded everyone is.

6. UGUU~

 

Do you think that authorial intent is important?
Why not?

Would you rather be Achilles, Odysseus or Diomedes? (or I guess Paris/Aeneas/Hector) if you pick Diomedes or Aeneas, do it again without picking them, but note you chose them first.
What about Hermaphroditus or Priapus?

Do you think that fate is a fundamentally disturbing idea?
Are you afraid of losing your mind?

Talk about any existential crises you may have had.
If you were to be a tragic hero, in what way would you like to die (or otherwise be tragic)?

1. After doing some googling to find out what it is, I don't see how it could be considered unimportant. If you write a book, you are trying to say something more than just the words written there.

2. Did any of these people not die tragically? If no, then Hermaphroditus because his name sounds the most fun.

3. Yes I do, and I don't believe in it. Things are they way they happened, that's that.

4. Yes. I don't find the idea of getting high appealing, because it means losing control. I don't like losing control.

5. I definitely exist and there's not much I can do about that. Might as well make the most of it. Seems pretty simple, I don't think it's a crisis.

6. That would depend entirely upon the nature of my heroism and I'm kinda too hungry to think all that up, so maybe I'll get back to you later.

 

1. Can I have a long one please?

2. Why must these infernal blocks tease?

3. What's the point of it all when you're building a wall and in front of your eyes it disappears?

4. The markets are free, so much money for me, tell me why should I care for peace and love?

5. Now that Putin's put the boot in, who gets in our way?

6. What should my next user title and location be?

 

1. Fuck you.

2. Fuck you.

3. Fuck you.

4. Fuck you.

5. Fuck you.

6. F*** you (because this is a family-friendly forum)

P.S. I love you

 

Well, at least your answer to number 1 was correct, and I sort of took your advice on number 6. Just one more question and then I'm done for now.


What's the full directory path of your porn stash on your computer (don't pretend you don't have one)?

 

ಠ_ಠ
I really hope you're aware of the word hermaphrodites inspired.
If so, what are you doing for dinner tonight(1.)?

2. What color is your lightsaber?
3. Fine then, favorite genre of music?
4. Have you ever casually mentioned something about yourself that everyone found really weird? If so, tell me in excruciating detail?
5. How many more must die for our cause?

 

I am going to clarify some of my questions.

1) Authorial intent is sorta what it sounds like - what the author meant to convey with their work. However, whatever personal meaning we find in a story does not necessarily coincide with what the author meant to happen - everybody's interpretation is colored by their own experiences, so while I think that Mean is about her ex, my mom thinks it's about her abusive father. Does it really matter what Taylor intended here, or is the meaning we create more important? (Another example: Is Delillo being optimistic or cynical in White Noise? Should we care?)

2) Actually three questions (!). Firstly, which of the greeks would you rather be. Secondly, which of the trojans. Lastly, if you were cursed with either the curse hermaphroditus got or the one priapus got which would it be? Quick recap:

Spoiler

- Achilles died painfully after a short but glorious (by his standards) life.
- Odysseus didn't die in the trojan war, but did take ten years coming home. On the way, all of his dearest friends were killed for being dumbasses and he was kept prisoner by two attractive ladies on two separate occasions. Once he got home, he had to pretend to be a beggar in so he wasn't killed, and then he had to murder all of his Ithaca's finest men with the help of his son who he hasn't seen his entire life. THEN he had to go walk into the mainland with an oar for a few years until he found a people who never had seen the sea, at which point he taught them about sailing, appeased Poseidon's wrath, and died happily.
- Diomedes was the second best fighter (after Achilles) and second cleverest person (after Odysseus) in the Greek Armies. I can't think of why you wouldn't choose him, so he's removed from this question.

- Paris caused the Trojan war because when the three crazies (Hera, Aphrodite, Athena) appealed to him to see who was most attractive, he chose Aphrodite (she offered him the love of the most beautiful woman in the world. Hera offered $$ and Athena promised to make him a good fighter). Because of him, his city is razed, his brother, his dad, and pretty much everyone he knows is killed, and he has to see his mom's breast (she showed it to hector to make him not fight Achilles. Didn't work and she also died). PS there's no way he could have avoided this. PPS: On the plus side, he does get to fuck the most beautiful woman who ever lived.
- Hector was beloved of all the Trojans and some of the greeks, but then he killed Achilles's gay lover so Achilles chased him around troy 15 times until he tired out, and then cut his tendons, secured him to a chariot, road around troy until he died, and then pissed on his remains.
- Aeneas lives and his descendants go on to found Rome. You aren't allowed to pick him.

- Hermaphroditus was cursed to have breasts after he spited a nymph.
- Priapus was cursed to always have his massive penis be painfully erect.

Think about the real world when you pick your curse. Not that I really need to tell you that.

5) By existential crisis I meant every freaking out about death, the meaning of life, or whatnot. The only one I ever had was when I realized that in a universe in which everything behaves according to certain laws (eg physics), free will is impossible. BLAHH.

And that's it for clarifications!
Can't think of other questions now. Good luck in yo' play.

EDIT:
Talk, in detail, about a crush you have had.
What are your defining strangenesses? That is, something which few or no other people have in common with you (that you know).
For example: I eat starburst wrappers because I can't be bothered to throw them away.

 

I am so tired that I can only answer one easy question. C:\Users\Fab\Old Folder (as opposed to New Folder, because I obviously had one already. On the shared computer though, it was C:\Users\Fabulous\Documents\data\smp\bin\ponr\d003\Old Folder. Yes I just typed that out on my phone from memory. Everything past Documents is fake and surrounded by decoy folders. All hidden of course, but I couldn't be assed to encrypt anything. Ponr stands for "point of no return" and is a rather coincidental acronym.

 

Hate to say this, Fab, but l33t hax0rs like me check inside the Users folder straight away, then run a * wildcard search. You should place the special media content inside a 7 zip archive. (Less likely to show up on search.) This won't stop people like me undeleting unpacked data fairly easily, but it's better than nothing.

*Disclaimer: I do not have a porn folder. For realz.

Another question: If you had to share your house for a week with either Justin Bieber or Chuck Norris, whom would you prefer?

 

in a universe in which everything behaves according to certain laws (eg physics), free will is impossible.

*cough cough Heisenberg uncertainty principle*


edit @ AmbientMalice:

l33t hax0rs like me use the super advanced technique of asking a person on the internet where their porn folder is, and having them answer, since it's the internet and nobody cares

 

Hm. Well I guess the uncertainty principle does mean that determinism is a stupid POV, but does it imply that we're free agents?

 

stayontopic.jpg

what's your earliest memory?

 

ಠ_ಠ
I really hope you're aware of the word hermaphrodites inspired.
If so, what are you doing for dinner tonight(1.)?
2. What color is your lightsaber?
3. Fine then, favorite genre of music?
4. Have you ever casually mentioned something about yourself that everyone found really weird? If so, tell me in excruciating detail?
5. How many more must die for our cause?

Yes I am aware, and unless he died in a terrible vagina-related tragedy, he(it?) sounds like fun
1. Going to the cast party of the play I was in last night. The cast and crew kind of become your best friends over the course of rehearsal, so I never pass up a chance to party with them.

2. Purple, because a) awesome colour, b) uncommon colour, and c) Samuel L. Motherfuckingjackson.

3. I like all music except country and rap.
No, sorry, that was a joke. Sort of. Because I don't like country and rap, but my tastes are a little more specific than that. I'm pretty sure my favourite genre is chiptune, with everything from Atari to PxTone. It makes me angry when people call their electronic-sounding song chiptune if it's not, because chiptune means working within limits. The NES only had four channels of sound, and there are some pretty amazing NES songs.

4. "It's like whether you fold or crumple toilet paper."
"Whether what?"
"You know, to wipe with. Some people fold it nicely and some people just crumple it up."
"Who the hell would just crumple it into a ball?"
"Wh—me?"
Everyone present: "Why wouldn't you just fold it, you barbarian!?!?"
Four-year-olds are fucking weird.
another joke

5. Four and a half.

I am going to clarify some of my questions.
1) Authorial intent is sorta what it sounds like - what the author meant to convey with their work. However, whatever personal meaning we find in a story does not necessarily coincide with what the author meant to happen - everybody's interpretation is colored by their own experiences, so while I think that Mean is about her ex, my mom thinks it's about her abusive father. Does it really matter what Taylor intended here, or is the meaning we create more important? (Another example: Is Delillo being optimistic or cynical in White Noise? Should we care?)
2) Actually three questions (!). Firstly, which of the greeks would you rather be. Secondly, which of the trojans. Lastly, if you were cursed with either the curse hermaphroditus got or the one priapus got which would it be? Quick recap:

Spoiler

- Achilles died painfully after a short but glorious (by his standards) life.
- Odysseus didn't die in the trojan war, but did take ten years coming home. On the way, all of his dearest friends were killed for being dumbasses and he was kept prisoner by two attractive ladies on two separate occasions. Once he got home, he had to pretend to be a beggar in so he wasn't killed, and then he had to murder all of his Ithaca's finest men with the help of his son who he hasn't seen his entire life. THEN he had to go walk into the mainland with an oar for a few years until he found a people who never had seen the sea, at which point he taught them about sailing, appeased Poseidon's wrath, and died happily.
- Diomedes was the second best fighter (after Achilles) and second cleverest person (after Odysseus) in the Greek Armies. I can't think of why you wouldn't choose him, so he's removed from this question.
- Paris caused the Trojan war because when the three crazies (Hera, Aphrodite, Athena) appealed to him to see who was most attractive, he chose Aphrodite (she offered him the love of the most beautiful woman in the world. Hera offered $$ and Athena promised to make him a good fighter). Because of him, his city is razed, his brother, his dad, and pretty much everyone he knows is killed, and he has to see his mom's breast (she showed it to hector to make him not fight Achilles. Didn't work and she also died). PS there's no way he could have avoided this. PPS: On the plus side, he does get to fuck the most beautiful woman who ever lived.
- Hector was beloved of all the Trojans and some of the greeks, but then he killed Achilles's gay lover so Achilles chased him around troy 15 times until he tired out, and then cut his tendons, secured him to a chariot, road around troy until he died, and then pissed on his remains.
- Aeneas lives and his descendants go on to found Rome. You aren't allowed to pick him.
- Hermaphroditus was cursed to have breasts after he spited a nymph.
- Priapus was cursed to always have his massive penis be painfully erect.
Think about the real world when you pick your curse. Not that I really need to tell you that.

5) By existential crisis I meant every freaking out about death, the meaning of life, or whatnot. The only one I ever had was when I realized that in a universe in which everything behaves according to certain laws (eg physics), free will is impossible. BLAHH.
And that's it for clarifications!
Can't think of other questions now. Good luck in yo' play.
EDIT:
Talk, in detail, about a crush you have had.
What are your defining strangenesses? That is, something which few or no other people have in common with you (that you know).
For example: I eat starburst wrappers because I can't be bothered to throw them away.

1. I think it's a good exercise of the mind to interpret what the author wanted to say. It may help you understand the story better. However, the author's experiences are not your own, and if you find yourself relating to something in the book the author didn't mean, that's fine. It's a personal meaning, and it shouldn't be disregarded just to write what your English teacher wants you to write. Of course, English teachers are always saying that no interpretation of the book is wrong, but perhaps some are more equal than others.

2. The Greek choice is pretty easy, Odysseus, because he had a sweet adventure, got to murder a bunch of people (I assume that if I'm Odysseus, this would be fun? Maybe I play too many video games), and become bros with Poseidon, the broest of the three bros. As for which Trojan, Hector, because he only got fucked over by one person, for a short period of time, as opposed to living a long and fruitful life of being completely fucked over. And which curse do I pick? Are you kidding? Does having breasts even count as a curse?

5. I will die before I accomplish everything I want to do. Makes me sad, and you'd think it would motivate me to do more stuff, but nope.

BONUS ROUND
1. I uh, already did once, but I guess I can pick another one.
Alright so, there's a girl I met in eighth grade, which is the first grade of high school because I didn't go to a middle school. Let's call this girl Courtney, because her name is Courtney. There was no "love at first sight" bullshit, that's only for horndogs who get what they want in the end. But I guess one day I decided she was a 10 and proceeded to fall madly in love with her be 13 years old. I don't mean a conscious decision, I mean my attraction started rather suddenly and for no reason I can remember.
I made the mistake of telling the dillhole that sat beside me that I liked her, and he, being a dillhole, walked over to her and tried to get her number for me. That obviously failed and I wanted to kick him in the balls, but he sat back down before I could. Courtney's locker was right next to mine, so at the end of the day, all I said was "So that dillhole really said—" and she cut me off with "Yes," and walked home.
I had an enormous crush on her for all f high school, and just seeing her face would make my heart beat faster. Adorable. I hated it. This is shameless hyperbole, but it was psychological torture. There's no way I could ever ask her out or even get t know her, because she hung out with the popular kids, and I got nervous just talking to her. Having a crush on two girls at once is stupid and awful and I wouldn't recommend it.
I endured this until March of my last year of school, when I decided I had to get this over with and just ask Courtney out. I assumed it would bring me peace of mind. It took me about two weeks to work up the courage, and when I did, I was more nervous than I have ever been, to this day. The conversation wasn't too much of a trainwreck, but her answer basically boiled down to this:
"Maybe. If I have the time."
So if I wasn't still completely infatuated with this woman, I would have never talked to her again. She didn't even have the decency to say "no." But I asked her again (I was less nervous that time) and she still wouldn't say "no." Logic completely failed me when it came to Courtney, so I still couldn't stop how I felt. I just decided to give up and live with it again. I mean, she's a nice person, but come on, "maybe"?
When I graduated high school, I thought I was done and could forget about her. It felt nice. Then, the next September, seeing her face at university brought back all the same hope and despair back. I still got sweaty and my blood pressure rose when I was around her. I never talked to her much, though, and eventually, finally, stopped giving a shit about her stupid face.

2. I don't think I'm that unique, but I have a strong phobia of bugs. Flying ones especially, and I absolutely can't tolerate spiders, but I have no problem with ants. I even let them crawl on me sometimes. If it were some nasty beetle, or spiders, instead of ants, I would freak the fuck out and hide in my room all day after that, but ants are just fine. Of course, they're still pests and I will murder the shit out of them, but they don't scare me.

Hate to say this, Fab, but l33t hax0rs like me check inside the Users folder straight away, then run a * wildcard search. You should place the special media content inside a 7 zip archive. (Less likely to show up on search.) This won't stop people like me undeleting unpacked data fairly easily, but it's better than nothing.
*Disclaimer: I do not have a porn folder. For realz.
Another question: If you had to share your house for a week with either Justin Bieber or Chuck Norris, whom would you prefer?

Yeah my parents wouldn't be able to understand half the words you just said.

And how is Chuck Norris annoying? He seems like an interesting and cool guy. I think a better question is, "Would you rather spend a week with a Justin Bieber fan or someone who thinks Chuck Norris is funny," to which I would reply a Chuck Norris fan, because I would be able to beat on him. It's not nice to beat on little girls.

what's your earliest memory?

Pooping on the potty and being all "aw fuck yeah, look where I just pooped, like a BOSS" and then I got ice cream.


EDIT: This is the last time I'll have access to the forums before my 72 hours are up, so I declare my time in the well over. Wild Desu is up next, and I guess for consistency's sake, she'll start at 9:30 eastern time. Anyone who wants to can still ask me questions, but do it with a PM or on IRC.

 

Thank you for your dedication, Captain Fabulous! *Salutes*

 

thanks for wasting so much time on us fab

 

fab this was the perfect first well thread i seriously could not have asked for anything better except a few of the questions were pretty shitty AMBIENT MALICE
thanks bro

 

Closing this thread since Fabulous has now escaped The Well.

Preventative action against necrobumping!