The SPAM Thread

I mean the actual kind.
In your emaiil inbox.

Apparently a US soldier wants a (random) Canadian Citizen to help him abscond with millions of dollars from Iraq:

Dear Friend,


Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Sgt.Martin Jeremy, a US Marine Sgt. serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine giment which Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq.


I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $12,570,000 (Twelve million Five Hundred and Seventy Thousand US dollars) to the States or any safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old Presidential Palaces in Tikrit
Iraq,during a rescue It was agreed by all parties present that the money be shared amongst us. This might appear as an illegal but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, and before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative.

I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here as I have been lucky to have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention. This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavour to contact me and we would work out the formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship.should you have any reason to reject this offer, please and please delete this message immediately, as any leakage of this information will be detrimental to the US soldiers here in Iraq and especially to me.

Contact me via my private box: or (fakeemail@example.com)

so that I can furnish you with more details.


Respectfully,

Sgt.Martin Jeremy
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Shoud I trust him? o:

 

If he had email he could contact back to base and ask for an evac duee to suicide bombers and his home country would proudly collect the money, dunno about you but in the middle of a war I wouldn't sit down and compose an email XD

 

dunno about you but in the middle of a war I wouldn't sit down and compose an email XD

(you realize that most of the war is spent waiting around for something to happen, right?)

I always get a whole bunch of stuff with random kanji (err... japanese characters, Firefox spellcheck doesn't know that word) in the subject line. Or at least I think they're random. And a name, Perkins something. If it was in any other context than my spam folder it might almost be kind of creepy.

 

kanji (err... japanese characters, Firefox spellcheck doesn't know that word)

lol, all of this

pretty sure we all know what kanji is here.

don't have to explain it to us, thank you very much

i could sound just like you if I wanted to and believe me that wouldn't be pleasant for any of us

anyway, ontopic: i remember recieving an email from someone who tried to bullshit me that I knew them quite well, but otherwise it was the same "send $500 and we'll reroute $1.5Million into your bank account" crap. I don't get much spam.

 

lol, all of this

pretty sure we all know what kanji is here.

don't have to explain it to us, thank you very much

i could sound just like you if I wanted to and believe me that wouldn't be pleasant for any of us

Actually, I was just checking if I had horribly mangled the word to the point of unreadability. What's your problem anyway? What did I ever do to you?

 

Actually, I was just checking if I had horribly mangled the word to the point of unreadability.

You didn't. You can trust EVERYONE on these forums to correct you if you make a mistake like that, lol

What's your problem anyway? What did I ever do to you?

it's not really your fault, something about you just rubs me the wrong way

don't worry too much about it, I'm kinda prejudiced against new users xD

it kinda feels like you're trying too hard to fit in here, so much so that you stick out. just, go with the flow, y'know? be natural.

 

Man I can feel the merlinoboy feeling ALL over again...
Meh we like new users it just seems new users are way too defensive, calm it down a bit dude

 

Oh! I get lots of this.
Here's my top picks of the month.

Just like a real Spamboot

Spoiler

From: Horacio Osofsky
Subject: How're you doing?

No=Staying*In^Your Pants? pdzrddjo!

<Link I'm not going to click or repost>

Alcibiades the contrary when camillus. Afterwards by theseus himself down the athenians. Whereas before all italy with.
Law that hannibal had heard the army. Meantime the island of small number
Unless it that he put in opinion. Timoleon and it seems to save themselves. But after these men that.

GOD SAVED ME AND HE SAID TO GIVE YOU MONEY

Spoiler

From: karen shaw
Subject: i will help you

MY NAME IS KAREN SHAW I LIVE IN NEWYORK. I LOST MY HUSBAND AND THREE KIDS IN
FATAL ACCIDENT.SINCE THEN I AM A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN. I HAVE ALOT OF MONEY
TO GIVE PEOPLE THAT ARE IN NEED. ALSO I HAVE DONATE TOO MANY CHURCHES AND
THE ORPHANAGES HOME AS WELL, IF YOU NEED HELP PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP. KAREN

Have you fallen for Nigerian Bank Scams? Send us money and we will reimburse you!

Spoiler

From: Public Communication Department
Subject: Public Service Announcement

The Federal Ministry of Information and Communications
Address: Radio House,
Herbert Macaulay Way (South),
Area 10, P.M.B. 247,
Garki - Abuja


To all scam victims,

The Federal Government of Nigeria has agreed that the sum of twenty thousand Dollars ($20,000) each should be transferred to every scam victims from the Indemnity Fund apportioned by the Federal Government of Nigeria to compensate every scam victims as part of the grand celebration of Nigeria‘s 50th independence anniversary ('Golden Jubilee') on 1st of October, 2010.

Note that this is the first scam victims compensation programme from Nigerian Government, we have never held any scam victims compensation programme in Nigeria. Do not be deceived.

If you have been scammed contact the Compensation Commission at their email address stated below, tell them you have been scammed and you want them to reimburse you with the sum of $20,000 as instructed by Nigerian Government, send them your FULL NAME and ADDRESS for verification and after verifications if truly you have been scammed you will be reimbursed.

Compensation Commission email address: <LolHotmail>


Warning: Please if you know you have not been scammed do not contact the compensation commission because your details will be verified at Western Union and MoneyGram offices to see if truly you have sent money to Nigeria.

We are Projecting favourably the image of the government and people of Nigeria locally and internationally through a proactive mechanism (in line with global best practices) of informing, enlightening and educating Nigerians and the International Community about Nigeria.



Yours sincerely,
Miss. Stephanie Mamuzo
Public Communication Department
The Federal Ministry of Information and Communications
******************************************************************************************************************
If you receive an e-mail or fax from someone you do not know requesting your assistance in a financial transaction, such as the transfer of a large sum of money into an account, or claiming you are the next of kin to an wealthy person who has died, or the winner of some obscure lottery and suffered a significant financial loss related to the advance fee fraud (so-called "Nigerian scam"), please contact your local Secret Service field office. The Secret Service retains these messages for future investigations.

Any type of Crime; Write to the Federal Trade Commission and also contact your State Attorneys General. Your state Attorney General or local office of consumer protection is also listed in the government pages of your telephone book.
******************************************************************************************************************

In Nigeria, they get the ministers to handle international money affairs. This is also probably one of the most common types of message.

Spoiler

From: Rev. Dr. James Abraham
Subject: Urgent reply needed......

Are you dead or alive? kindly reconfirm this as soon as possible..
From the records of outstanding contractors/inheritance due for payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding payment who have not yet received their payments.Your payment will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the record in my file here, your outstanding contract/inheritance payment is US$25M united states dollars.
Meanwhile, in the course of our General Auditing and Account revision of the final quarter of the year 2010 ending within few months now, we discovered that the Bank Accounts belonging to some Benefactors have been changed on the basis that the owners have died some time last year or have given out an authorization note of change of data.

After the investigations however, it was revealed that there are Foreigners who are collaborating with Retired Staffs to make these changes illegally without the knowledge of the Bonafide Beneficiaries and one traced to your own change is one Mr Rick Jones who said you are dead, hence they have forwarded some documents of funeral service held for you so as to divert your fund. They have also forwarded this bank account below as the new account that will receive your funds ($25 Million) .Bank: Hang Seng Bank, Bank Address: 83 Des Veoux Road , Central - Hong Kong, Account Name: Rick Jones, Account Number: 235-325172-882, Bank Code: 024, Swift Code: HASEHKHH.

But we wanted to confirm if actually this is true and hence decided to write to your email address which after 2 days from now and there is no response, we will then know that you are dead indeed and go on with the transfer. If proved otherwise by you that you are not dead and you did not send anyone to claim your fund and change your account. Please forward to us all the your particulars including your full name, Telephone number,contact address, sex, age and occupation as well as your identification either international passport or dirver's liecense.These details from you will help to assist us to reach a conclusion that you are not dead. Anything contrary to this claim will help us charge this man to court and prosecute him while your fund will be paid to you immediately without any further delay. You have to get back to us on time for us to commence legal proceedings against Mr. Rick Jones and his accomplices.
Kindly re-confirm to us the following informations bellow:
Your names in full,
Your contact Address,
Telephone/fax numbers and Cell,
occupation, age, and sex, marital status,
copy of international passport or driver's Lincense.
As soon as I received these information, I shall get back to you on what next to do .

Regards,

Rev. Dr. James Abraham,
Email: <lolhotmail>
International Remittance Director.
Ceo Intercontinental Bank Plc.

Forgive me for I have sinned against you

Spoiler

From: Mrs.Helena
Subject: IMPORTANT EMAIL, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Dear Beloved One,

Warm greeting to you ,

I am Mrs.Helena a cousin sister to your late friend also native of your country.I was finding it very difficult to make this direct confession to you before I realize the that only way I can really move on is if I make this confession to you because i have sinned against you without your consent and I would like to apologies.Please i want you to read and understand this email to enable you find a place in your heart to forgive me.I know that you are not aware that my late cousin who is one of your numerous friends short-listed you as one of his beneficiaries before he died.According to my late cousin,it stands as an appreciation of what you did in the past.

Am really so sorry to inform you how I conspired with my late cousin’s attorney and claimed the money that was legally assigned to you by my late cousin your friend.I will admit that I have a difficult time dealing with unsettled mind after this bad act,and I know is hard to forgive a thing like this but please forgive me .It was out of greediness which Indeed the major fault of mine.I hope that you will focus on good memories you have experienced in life rather than this painful behavior of mine.

I really know how you feel in your mind which is why I intend to attach my picture on my next email.I know this email may have come to you as a big surprise because secret when revealed surprises anyone.Although I was supposed to meet with you but due to my health condition I traveled to Japan for medical attention hence the reason for contacting you through your email.I believe your forgiveness will make me happy and strengthen me in many other aspect of my life. Your anger will only hinder me from moving on from this time in my life.Please forgive me for everything dear beloved one.If only I'd have known,It would never have happened.

Many thanks for your forgiveness. I shall give you full details as soon as i receive your reply through my alternative email: <Gee-Mail> because i normally check it.

Please endeavor to contact me through my alternative email: <Gee-Mail>

Mrs.Helena Kolb

Well, I'm convinced.

Spoiler

From: No name given
Subject: A my po-prezhnemu zhivem._obzy

W=O=W B=A=B=E==S R=U=S=S=I=A T=U=R=R G=O=O=D!

Что ни я, ни брат Хоакин, ни Васко де Агилар, ни наш проводник, ничего подобного увидеть не смогли, а посему солдатам приказали ступать далее под страхом сурового наказания. И что один из них, Фелипе Альварес, подчинился, хотя Васко де Агилару пришлось его для этого избить; второй же, Франсиско Бальбона, бросился бежать назад, криком моля Пресвятую Богородицу о помощи. Что бежал он с изрядной скоростью и остановить его не было возможности, так что через несколько минут он скрылся уже за поворотом сакба. Что через м

*As a note, all that russian shit was in white text. I didn't realize it was there until I tried to copypaste it.

Sometimes the subject line says it all...

Spoiler

From: TrustableViagra reseller
Subject: Hi <MyEmail>, hits are chaper today. companies the breed for
*a random shitty newsletter with links

From: Mitzie Kubin
Subject: Time for your second puberty phase
*The message is blank...

EDIT: 6ty you're one to talk just leave it alone.

 

I'm kinda prejudiced against new users xD

LMAO

but yeah, I don't get much spam.
Mostly spam with titles like:

Must Watch Videos - SNL's Andy Samberg dies for Anne Hathaway just to be the MTV Movie Awards host! and more...

strategically lettered so your inbox shows "Must Watch Videos - SNL's Andy Samberg dies..." to try and make you click it.

 

HI GUY I VISITED A WHOLESALE COMPANY IN SHENZHEN WHEN MY BUSINESS TRIP IN CHINA LAST YEAR AND I BOUGHT

ONE GPS TRACKER FROM THEM LAST WEEK REALLY GOOD QUALITY AND FAST DELIVERY!

YOU CAN SEE THAT A LOT OF ELECTRONICS PRODUCTS THEY ARE SELLING FROM THEIR WEBSITE

W W W . C H I N A Z R H . C O M

FOR SURE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU PAID

CHEERS / LEON

 

from:"noreply@blizzard.com"

Hello,

This is an automated notification regarding your Battle.net account. Some or all of your contact information was recently modified through the Account Management website.

*** If you made recent account changes, please disregard this automatic notification.


*** If you did NOT make any changes to your account, we recommend you log in to Account Management review your account settings.

If you cannot sign into Account Management using the link above, or if unauthorized changes continue to happen, please contact Blizzard Billing & Account Services for further assistance.

Billing & Account Services can be reached at 1-800-59-BLIZZARD (1-800-592-5499 Mon-Fri, 8AM-8PM Pacific Time) or at billing@blizzard.com.

Account security is solely the responsibility of the accountholder. Please be advised that in the event of a compromised account, Blizzard representatives will typically lock the account. In these cases the Account Administration team will require faxed receipt of ID materials before releasing the account for play.

Regards,

The Battle.net Support Team
Blizzard Entertainment
www.blizzard.com/support
Online Privacy Policy

now, this might make some sense... if i ever had an account with blizzard.

 

It might be possible that someone used your email when they registered or something, since that message looks like it might be legit (I wouldn't really know though, I've never had a blizzard account).

 

No, those e-mails are fake. He must have put his Battle.net e-mail account in a different website, thus spambots make e-mails to that account saying that their WoW account was banned for some reason, and then they give you a fake link to a login screen forcing you to put your information in it. I've gotten those e-mails a million times on my old e-mail account, and my WoW account has never been phased. (It has been hacked before, but not by clicking the links in the fake e-mails.)

I could have sworn I used to get e-mails on how to get the best orgasms for women before.

 

From Robyn Keller <illumine3@baysavailable.com>
to Me
date Wed, Nov 10, 2010 at 1:32 PM
subject Long item opens new opportunities. Long device in a short period of time.


If you want your device be long, ask us how.. Make ladies run for you everywhere.

A click away

lolwut
Fuck you iPad. My device is longer!

 

I want to be your google friend.

Spoiler

Hello,
How was your day
i hope all is well
we give thanks to God
Am so happy to contact
you today please i want
us to be goog friend i pray
before contacting you will
all my heart please EMAIL me
here (giftmabou7@yahoo.com) so
i con tell you move about me
with my photos God bless you
Also tell me about youself thanks
Pls contact me in my inbox I D
(giftmabou7@yahoo.com)

Yours miss gift mabou,

 

Rawr's was hilarious

Here's one of mine

PLEASE REPLY ME IMMEDIATELY
I AM MRS MIMI PHILIP
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER.
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)
OUAGADOUGOU , BURKINA FASO .


Dear Friend.

CONFIDENTIAL


I will like you to help me, in receiving of this fund into your Bank Account .However; it's just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance Department of BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou , Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of (US$27.2 Million dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign Customer (MR. PAUL LOUIS from Paris, France) who died along with His entire family in July 2003 in a plane crash.

I am afraid if this money stays in our bank without claim for long period of time, our government will step in because
The Banking laws here does not allow such huge amount of money to stay
Dormant for more than 8years. And you will be receiving this money into your Bank account within 10 or 14 banking days.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after Eight years an above, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner in respect to the provision of a foreign account, and while 70%would be for me.

If you agree to my business proposal, further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your return mail. Make sure you keep this transaction as your top secret and make it confidential till we receive the fund into the account that you will provide to the Bank. Don't disclose it to any body, because the secrecy of this transaction is as well as the success of it, have a great day.

Place contact me immediately
Yours faithfully.
Mrs Mimi Philip


I am really attracted to your pictures you posted on your page
I know you don't know me but I'm looking to meet some new people
Instead of replying to this mail, just go on MSN msger my names madison19trump@hotmail.com
Add me and send me a line I'll be on all day I am off work
Xo Maddy


-----Forwarded Message-----
From: Madison
To: Undisclosed recipients
Sent: Sun, Jan 9, 2011 6:44 am
Subject: FW: A powerful prayer

This is neat. innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. God bless. Poor girl, she has so much to forget that it is no wonder that sleep,

Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.
This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

The prayer:
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

noise and astonishment of the people, at seeing me rise and walk,

You must be brave and strong, and help me through the horrible task. with Flimnap the high-treasurer, whose enmity against you is

 

Neli
-----
Hi! I'm Nellya. Im the kind women. I don't have man's heat. I want to search men serious relationship. If it is interesting to you, answer me please on my e-mail: nellifromarm@aol.com. I very much wait for your letter. Kisssss Nellya.

This grammar is beautiful

 

That isn't funny! I sent you that letter out of my love for you, not for you to post it on the forums and make fun of me!

I no longer want your heat.

 

I got a second one just now:

Neli
-----
Hi! My name Nellya. I'm the kind women. I dont have man's heat. I want to search second half for family creation. If you still alone, answer me please on my e-mail: armnelli@aol.com. It will be very good if you answer me. Kisssss Nellya.

 

Family creation?! SIGN ME UP.