Fetch Quests

Alright there is an 86% chance that this is a bad idea because I haven't slept in 36 hours, but 86% was still an A in high school.

No. Wait. Okay, shit, let me start over.

I am an individual with many rights and privileges, and a lot of free time to exercise them. I don't get out of the house very much, and I would like more reasons to. Therefore, I am embarking on a quest. Hopefully, many quests. Fetch quests. In which I am the hero and you are the NPCs that stand around because they have nothing better to do than make archmages get their family heirloom back from a cagey old goblin.

Alright, remember the 36 hours thing. Bear with me.

• Tell me what you want me to fetch. It has to be something I can bring home, and keep in mind I'm unemployed so I'd rather not buy it.
• I will take a picture of the object or objects when I get home, If you are dead set on making me fetch something I can't take home (dumbass), I'll just take a picture of it wherever it is. That can be a challenge in itself. Like, if it were a child, photographing it would be tricky. Not as bad as bringing it home, but still. Tricky.
• Quests will be done in whatever order I choose and they will take as long as I choose. You've all played RPGs before.
• If you guys could reward me with gold that would be great but I'll take experience points too.

Now, I live in a town with public transportation but I am allowed the use of a car. I don't own it. If your quest is unreasonable it won't get done. If you guys want me to tell you about some of the things in my area, just say so.

I can't wait to figure out what is wrong with this thread in the morning. Goodnight.

 

Bring me a stick

 

Get me a magic wand from a t-rex magician.

 

Bring me some apples

 

A Cupcake. Atop the cupcake, a chess piece: a Queen. The cupcake should be chocolate-topped, but strawberry will do.

Failing that, show me a picture of a teddy bear which has just been removed from your rectum. Pedobear would be preferable, but Pooh Bear or Yogi Bear will do. (Just watch Yogi's hat. It might snag.)

*crickets*

Is... that too much to ask?

 

Fetch me a fuck to give about fucking fetch quests, Captain Fuckulous.

I give high xp. Also, I *might* give you a biatch.

 

Bring me Solo and the Wookie.

______


Also, please bring me an Ice Cream. Flavour is up to you.
* Reward: experience points and ice cream *

 

Fetch me some reading material from the library. The reward will depend on the book selection, so be careful!

 

Alright there is an 86% chance that this is a bad idea because I haven't slept in 36 hours, but 86% was still an A in high school.

What no. That's a B+ you dumb shit. I would have been a straight A student you dick

Failing that, show me a picture of a teddy bear which has just been removed from your rectum.

A giraffe would be like 10x better

Anywhoo. Bring me a photo of you squatting to poop. I need ot to build a bomb to free Kazuma

 

Bring my a head of mine enemy, to drink wine from.

 

Bring me a cup of dirt/sand from the nearest park/playground.

 

Alright there is an 86% chance that this is a bad idea because I haven't slept in 36 hours, but 86% was still an A in high school.

What no. That's a B+.

I was wondering about this, too. Not in quite the same words as Wild Desu, but the jist of it. I even heard about teachers and professors who call a 92% a B+, but that's another matter, I suppose.

Anyway, ontopic. Because it's only proper:

Bring me a shrubbery!

@Malpercio: Got a science project to do?

Spoiler

 

86% was an A, from kindergarten to grade 12. You can speculate on the differences between Canadian (because my school represents all of Canada) and American (same deal) education systems on a different thread.
Well this idea seems to be workable, although maybe less interesting than I imagined. I'll get started on the quests today.

 

Fetch me a tire.
Reward will be a tire.

 

Fetch me a fuck to have about fucking fetch quests, Captain Fuckulous.

FTFY

Bring me the universe.

 

And now give me a reason to give a quarter of a fuck considering that I made that at a time when no fucks are given.

 

86% was an A, from kindergarten to grade 12. You can speculate on the differences between Canadian (because my school represents all of Canada) and American (same deal) education systems on a different thread.

You smell and I can argue wherever I goddamn please

Fetch me a piece of fruit

 

Mixer's apples (edit: and apparently Wild Desu's fruit as well):

Spoiler

The only difficulty with this quest was explaining why I was taking apples into my room.

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Malpercio's park dirt:

Spoiler

There is a playground right at the end of my street, so it was a very short walk there. Unfortunately, the dirt is quite overgrown, and if you look closely you can see ants in there.

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DoubleThink's stick:

Spoiler

I snapped this off the tree in my front yard on the way to the park. I hope it's sufficient, if not, I can get a better stick.

 

go buy some pizza; pineapple and ham.
I won't know if you actually buy it or just order it in.
but please go and buy it because ordering in would be a cop out.

 

CommanderJersey's tire:

Spoiler

This was taken in my backyard, since that's close enough and I'm not bringing it inside. It has a cover because it's stored behind my shed for half the year, as this a winter tire.

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Hiino's Solo and the Wookiee:

Spoiler

I couldn't find the real thing, but I hope this is sufficient.

---

Hiino's ice cream:

Spoiler

I had the urge to take the picture like this. I don't know why. Christ, the bags under my eyes are scary. It is butterscotch swirl, by the way.