When obsession wins over love and you've got yourself an immensely affectionate stalker instead of a girlfriend, you have a yandere on your hands. These are the kind of girls that break into your house while you’re away, hide under your bed while you’re at home, schlick directly under you while you sleep, come out when you’re gone again, schlick again in your bed while licking and humping your pillows, and then proceeding to check your messages to see if you’re involved with another girl. They usually don't have any kind of higher ideal or ethical policy; they sometimes don't even view themselves as people so much as an entity made out of the impulse or desire to be with their man. A yandere is awesome because it’s outwardly impossible to tell that the girl is completely insane; she has just enough presence of mind left over to maintain a convincing façade, and God help everyone around her if she decides to drop it. If you don’t react well, things could get messy, so in the off chance you don’t want to enjoy the fruits of your yandere‘s darker exploits, here’s several things you need to take into account.
1. Remember your objectives:
-Survive.
-Her mental integrity should be kept at a reasonable level and maintained.
-She should still love you unconditionally.
2. Be sure to remind her how much you love her and basically compliment her as you would any women. Be careful about criticism, though, because she’ll probably go a little over the top in attempting to fix this problem, and if she can‘t, she‘ll try to fix your perceptions of this problem instead. When prompted, re-affirm your hatred of those other skanky, dirty whores. Putting down other people is fun anyway, right?
3. When she starts talking nonsense, she is being put under stress. This stress is based on the belief that you are being unfaithful or planning on leaving her. Pacify her with constant, unadulterated attention and sex. Remember that one of the best things about yandere is that they’re completely devoted to you, so why shouldn’t you return at least some of the favor? This entire fiasco can be summed up in a single line: “It’d be great if he was nice and looked only at me. Yes, only at me… He can’t look at any other girls. I’d look only at him, so he should look only at me. It‘s only fair, right?”
4. Contact with the opposite sex in public should be kept to a bare minimum -- the assumption should be that she IS watching. When she’s with you and you talk to other women, she’ll either flaunt you in front of them or discourage prolonged conversation. In either situation you should play along, expressing your undying love for your yandere all the way. In the latter one you should cut off contact as soon as she gives a prompt to do so. Occasionally she’ll become openly hostile to women she finds you speaking with, so diffuse that bomb before it explodes. Female relatives may or may not be accepted by the yandere, though for the sake of her façade she‘ll usually ignore them.
5. The yandere likes to do things for you, so keep her busy doing chores that makes her feel she is strengthening the relationship. This is one of the best parts about the yandere since she’ll spoon feed you if you ask her to and she won’t even see it as strange.
Now that you’ve won the affections of one of these very, very insane women, you surely want to know how this benefits you, right? Well, besides a very, very affectionate partner, there are plenty of ways to have fun using her unique features. For example, pick some girl you know likes you, give her your phone number and ask her to call you. Put yourself in a position in which you are with your yandere and open to being approached by this girl. Then confide in your yandere how this girl won't leave you alone. Count the days until this girl disappears or stops communicating with you entirely. If the yandere decides to kill her “rival” right in front of you, marry her as soon as rationally possible.