The Wish-Granting Game

granted, however you fall down it and break your neck.

i wish nukes

 

Spoiler

I wish the byte datatype in Java were unsigned.

Granted. But you go insane trying to figure out the one little bug I put in the program that causes it to launch nuclear missiles whenever you press a key.

Granted. Thank you for using WoC and Sixty's Java Nuke Delivery Service. Enjoy your total obliteration!

I wish I had more money. And a Paypal account.

 

Granted. You hack someone else's Paypal account, but are caught and arrested.

I wish I were more prepared for college.

 

Granted, But! You have everything now - money, babes, fame...

I wish man

 

Not granted.

I really, REALLY wish people would stop making wishes of the form "I wish [noun]". Like, seriously, it's getting old.

 

I can't grant that, but I'll grant it in my case.

I wish Dr. Suess books didn't rhyme.

 

I can't grant that, but I'll grant it in my case.

I wish Dr. Suess books didn't rhyme.

Granted, but they now contain absolutely absurd amounts of Alliteration.

I wish for a gap to Gensokyo.

 

Not granted. What the hell's Gensokyo?

I wish Landon hadn't had mercury.

 

Granted, he's now had uranium instead.

I wish I knew what F.U.N. was.

 

Granted. You are captured by a satanic cult who torture you and, at some point, let slip what F.U.N. is.

I wish for the moon to grow bright and make this endless day endless night.

 

wish not granted, what the hell are you smokin?

i wish i had some whiskey/other alcoholic beverage so i can get drunk for the first time in my life

 

Granted. But you don't have a designated driver and cause all kinds of death and destruction, including your own.

I wish you would fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars, let me see what life is like on Jupiter and Mars.

 

Granted, but Frank Sinatra's zombie sues you.

I wish this school year will be stress-free and I can take it easy.

 

Granted, but the workload isn't actually any lighter; you just choose not to do any of it, so you fail all your classes.

I wish to be loved. Eternally, completely, unconditionally.


EDIT: thx for getting my reference

 

granted, however it's the creepy stalker kind of love 90% of the time. also, gonna get raepd.

i wish suprise buttsex on everyone
</random>

 

Granted, but everyone poops on you after.


I wish I had some delicious food

 

Wish granted, but your stomach becomes like a black hole so you need to eat extreme amounts of food each day (kudos to anyone who gets the reference).

I wish the whole world was under communism.

 

Granted. Giant robotic clones of Stalin, Kim Jung Il, Lenin, Karl Marx, and others now rule the world, and we all have to shit on our lawns to grow our grass. Congratulations, woodenrat.

I wish I could teleport to Canada

 

Granted, but every time you teleport to Canada, everyone in Canada teleports to your house.

I wish for eternal Root Beer.

 

granted, however the endless flow of root beer causes a second Noah's Ark scenario

i wish for pizza