@Bionicobot
I don't know much about depression, but it seems like the most important thing for you to do is to talk to someone you know. Someone who you know who doesn't treat you crap. The internet does seem like an alluring place to try and look for help but, obviously, as seen from about half of this thread, we can't really understand you or want to start stupid arguments (seriously, why guys?) since we don't really know you. Which is why you should to talk to someone who you trust and who knows you and how to help you. Or someone who you can explain your situation to, at least.
I'm not sure if this will help, but, when I feel awful, I do something that keeps my mind off of the world around me or something I enjoy a lot and try not to dwell on whatever's bugging me. It seems from your profile post that you've already discovered something like that, and it really does help keep your mind off whatever.
Just try to know that what everyone else is saying is true is simply not true. Or, at least, not true to some extent. I know I'm about half the things on your list. Does that mean I suck? Of course not! It just means I have something to work towards. Besides, you acting like a jerk to people isn't exactly helping what people think. If other people's thoughts are affecting your mood, try to change those thoughts. Be the nicest person you could possibly be. Try to listen to other people's problems. And, seriously, talk to people who don't treat you bad about your depression. Just talking can seriously help (Although, I suppose you did that here).
I hope that anything I said can help.