Cavernous Storybook: Have I officially written the most insane CS crackfic since Doukutsu Days?

In short, this story is basically a more serious Doukutsu Days with an actual plot

this story is just supposed to be a really fun and crazy little diversion

What.
Anyways, there wasn't really much story aside from

Spoiler

The Mimigas(King,Jack,Toroko and Mahin, and later Arthur as Jack's right eyeball for no reason at all) going to Balcony to kill the Doctor or something, after being backstabbed(not just literal, he stabbed one mimiga though) by Mahin who summons a giant robot to kill Jack, who summons a robot too while the story is full of random memes ending a bit fucked up.
Also, why the fuck did Quote fucking join the fucking Doctor because he has no fucking amnesia like 'the others'(not known who though) and so still has is fucking unknown powers?

EDIT:

Hell, the actual sex scene with Chako in Cave Story was more disturbing than the one here.

There isn't any, there's mostly a reference to it.

 

Guys, I need to address that Xander is a troll fic writer. People like him intentionally write their stuff to be outright insane, poorly done or just plain offensive to get a reaction out of the reader. I mean really, could you take a story seriously when Jack gets revenge on DeviantART, or when the Cave Story universe meets I.M. Meen and re-enacts Conker's Bad Fur Day?

The Mimigas(King,Jack,Toroko and Mahin, and later Arthur as Jack's right eyeball for no reason at all) going to Balcony to kill the Doctor or something, after being backstabbed(not just literal, he stabbed one mimiga though) by Mahin who summons a giant robot to kill Jack, who summons a robot too while the story is full of random memes ending a bit fucked up.
Also, why the fuck did Quote fucking join the fucking Doctor because he has no fucking amnesia like 'the others'(not known who though) and so still has is fucking unknown powers?

You see, this is kind of what I've been talking about all this time; you have to have a good knowledge of the source material to understand some of these jokes, which is a huge part of why the writing here is a lot smarter than it seems. In the Sand Zone, when you go to Curly's house, she tells you that both you and her used to be members of the killer robot army. Judging by that, I'd say that the whole amnesia thing at least caused Quote to forget what his old purpose was. Not sure how, but it did.

The plot isn't very strong on its own, but when you actually connect it with the game like how it's intended to be, it becomes pretty interesting.

For instance, can you imagine Jack having to deal with Arthur being lodged into his skull and just rambling nonstop about random things every single day? Thank God that this story isn't actually canon. He would be like "well, yeah, of course I remember who Arthur is, because I have to deal with him being stuck in my goddamned eye socket every single frickin' day, 24/7!"

And yes, the joke at the Quote part was mainly just the irony of him going down in one hit and then later going on to fucking kill Ballos. In fact, most of the humor in this story is basically just dramatic irony, like Mahin somehow being an even bigger (and smarter) douche than a guy who wears a stereotypically Russian cube hat with giant green plastic nerd goggles and a turtleneck jacket as his daily outfit, for instance.

Anyway, comedy just generally doesn't have much of a plot. It's kind of an unavoidable staple of the genre. And yeah, the point of this story is to have the most simple yet effective plotline possible.

 

alright genuine question to anyone reading this
do any of us even give a shit about cave story fanfics
because I don't and I don't feel like anyone else here does

 

In the Sand Zone, when you go to Curly's house, she tells you that both you and her used to be members of the killer robot army.

As far as I know, she doesn't say that, she only says she thought that Quote was one of the killer robots, and later, she says that he and she were sent to kill the holder of the Demon Crown at that time.

and then later going on to fucking kill Ballos

Are you saying this is a fan-prequel of cave story? Because if you are, then you are wrong.
How can the game continue when Tokyo has been decimated by the huge mech battle and Mahin's multiplied-in-power wind breakers, Quote falling in the 'piss-water' in First Cave which he would normally survive, judging from the fact that he has the Booster(not even gonna question how the fuck he even got there by falling of a random fucking tower), the Doctor being killed(I think), King being backstabbed, Toroko seemingly vanished to nowhere, Mahin being cloned to 2000 or so units and having stretchy arms, Jack most likely the most hated being in Tokyo for cloning Mahin while still having Arthur in his right eye, and Chaco being arrested for raping Jack?

Sorry for the long list there guys.

 

I don't really

Plus where's even the link

Edit: Ninja'd, replied to nameless

 

Plus where's even the link

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11556528/1/Cavernous-Storybook
Sorry for the Ninja'ing, was typing that monster of a list.

 

As far as I know, she doesn't say that, she only says she thought that Quote was one of the killer robots, and later, she says that he and she were sent to kill the holder of the Demon Crown at that time.


Are you saying this is a fan-prequel of cave story? Because if you are, then you are wrong.
How can the game continue when Tokyo has been decimated by the huge mech battle and Mahin's multiplied-in-power wind breakers, Quote falling in the 'piss-water' in First Cave which he would normally survive, judging from the fact that he has the Booster(not even gonna question how the fuck he even got there by falling of a random fucking tower), the Doctor being killed(I think), King being backstabbed, Toroko seemingly vanished to nowhere, Mahin being cloned to 2000 or so units and having stretchy arms, Jack most likely the most hated being in Tokyo for cloning Mahin while still having Arthur in his right eye, and Chaco being arrested for raping Jack?

Sorry for the long list there guys.

Well, you just have to kind of use your imagination and assume that Quote survived the fall into that stagnant pond in the First Cave where the game begins, since the game evidently has no falling damage whatsoever except for when you fall off of the Outer Wall or Balcony. And perhaps that Chako somehow bought her way out of jail (the Mimiga prison system would be a lot less tight than the human one for sure). It should also be worth mentioning that Quote dropped the Booster (Version 0.8 to be exact) and lent it to the protagonists before jumping off the tower.

And last but not least, as fucked up as it is, we can assume that Japan's government forced all of the Mahins to leave, or more likely just killed all of them to stop them from eating any more food. Not only that, but what in the hell does Japan itself (which the citizens would obviously just naturally rebuild the damage to over time) have to do with the sky-island setting of Cave Story? And why would everyone be focused on Jack's pathetic role in the game, regardless of how infamous he is?

Most importantly, note this: The main universal rule here is that none of the main characters in this story actually die for real, not even the Doctor after being mauled with a baseball bat. They just get knocked out temporarily and then wake up later. If you actually take your time and read the ending, Toroko is rescued from her kidnapping, and King recovers from his wounds. Trust me, all of the main characters survived. The only true deaths you'll see here are those of the Shovel Brigade members and obviously some of Tokyo's nameless random citizens.

alright genuine question to anyone reading this
do any of us even give a shit about cave story fanfics
because I don't and I don't feel like anyone else here does

Normally I wouldn't give a fuck about any genre of fanfiction, but this one actually does something unique and interesting for a change.

 

Normally I wouldn't give a fuck about any genre of fanfiction

But weren't you making romance fanfics like a month or so ago?

 

But weren't you making romance fanfics like a month or so ago?

Meh, I've found over time that when it comes to this universe, loosely implied homosexual undertones are far more amusing than the actual homosexual pairings themselves. For instance, that one scene in Cave Story where Kazuma mentions how "well-built" Quote is, and that one scene in this story where Jack blushes like a girl and kisses King right on the lips from sheer brotherly love, complete with cliched romantic dialogue (flamboyant much?).

The point I'm trying to make here is that, as far as we know, neither of those two characters are actually gay in these respective works...which is kind of difficult to believe if you ask me XD

 

God, your fanfic's just god-awful. I tried recording myself reading it for you guys to hear it, I really did. But I couldn't keep going.
Xandermartin98, I'm now considering you a borderline pedophile due to your description of Toroko. Some of your sentences need some more context in it, like "no one wore a black tank top, a red cap, and red jeans like Quote did," which may imply that everybody except him wore them all wrong. Misery sounded like a total dumbass with the whole cheese making iPad thing.
I actually felt like throwing up reading this fanfic.

 

Some of your sentences need some more context in it, like "no one wore a black tank top, a red cap, and red jeans like Quote did," which may imply that everybody except him wore them all wrong.

This is just a figure of speech for describing Quote's appearance in a lighthearted, non-monotonous way. It's not to be taken literally.

Anyway, this fic is bad. Like, at the very least, extremely shitty fics like My Immortal are hilarious to read.
But the only redeeming quality of this one was the correct grammar. There wasn't a single sentence in there that did not induce some sort of second-hand embarrassment. It was painful to read and I had to give up after the third chapter or so.

I am not even recommending it ironically.



EDIT : I guess I kinda called it

 

I don't see how him knowing (or not knowing) that the text in his avatar means "just as planned" has anything to do with his fanfics being terrible.

If you browse Doukutsu Uploader, and probably some other places on the internet, you may come across inappropriate images of the characters from Cave Story. The majority of these (to my knowledge) are drawn by Japanese people, and the reasons they draw them are complex and relate to Japanese culture. I don't think Xander understands this. I was implying that Xander might be somewhat influenced by these images in writing his stories, and that what he is doing is essentially disrespectful to Pixel, because Pixel is Japanese and created Cave Story and its characters. Xander's fanfics aren't even particularly well written, so I find it disappointing that he continues to write them without any noticeable improvement.

If someone wants to write disturbing stories, I would suggest they write horror stories, and post them on https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep. It is a well established community and you are likely to receive good feedback and possibly even appreciation for your work.

Hell, the actual sex scene with Chako in Cave Story was more disturbing than the one here.

So if you had sex with someone, you'd steal their lipstick? Maybe Chako gave you the lipstick after you got out of bed, and then went to bed, did you think of that?

 

drawn by Japanese people, and the reasons they draw them are complex and relate to Japanese culture.

I can assure anyone with doubts that this is 100%, undoubtedly true and anyone who disagrees has no idea how the complex nature of japanese culture works

 

I can assure anyone with doubts that this is 100%, undoubtedly true and anyone who disagrees has no idea how the complex nature of japanese culture works

It was a generalization actually. The pervasiveness and style of such things is more influenced by Japanese culture than the act of creating them.

 

That was uh
That was sarcasm in case anyone couldn't tell
It doesn't really have as much to do with Japanese culture as it does 'horny dudes who want to draw lewd shit' which, in case you didn't notice exist in pretty much every culture around the world

 

sup

 

Holy shit i skimmed this and i didnt even get an IDEA of how bad it is good god

 

the thread or the story?

 

the thread or the story?

both of them

 

So if you had sex with someone, you'd steal their lipstick? Maybe Chako gave you the lipstick after you got out of bed, and then went to bed, did you think of that?

Well, for the most part, no one else who knew what sex was ever did, and basically everyone knows what sex is. Chako's appearance doesn't exactly help matters either o_O

PS: I apologize for not understanding what the art of portraying characters in a remotely subtle fashion is (aside from maybe King at times).