A Story.

FTFY

I have edited two parts of the story to reflect this.

 

As always, based on real life events.

Spoiler

The following is Rated R.





"Derp... hurpa derp, derp!" VoidMage_Lowell trotted through the forums as though he had a secret. He looked around suspiciously before vanishing through a big brown door.

Captain Fabulous was intrigued, and he wasn’t about to let VoidMage_Lowell have fun on his turf. Charging at the door; he smashed it down, only to find there was no one or nothing in sight. It was just a dark, empty room. Captain Fabulous knew there was something fishy going on. Suddenly he heard it; the squealing of pain… or was it pleasure? He placed his ear against the furthest wall.

“DERRRRRRRRP, DEEEEEERRRRRRRP!!!”

Captain Fabulous stumbled back, shocked. What could be going on in there? It didn’t sound pleasant… but on the other hand, most things VoidMage_Lowell said didn’t sound pleasant. Captain Fabulous was determined to find a way in. That’s when he spotted it, a black cloak with golden lining, hanging on the wall. Captain Fabulous slipped on this cloak, it completely shaded his face, but his eyes seemed to glow. He felt kind of powerful.

With his new-found cloak, Captain Fabulous ran his fingers across the walls closest to where the squealing was loudest. Finally he found it… a knob… a secret door! Captain Fabulous was ecstatic. As he pulled open the door, he was made witness to something terrible… something criminal…

VoidMage_Lowell lay bent over a short table, a small wooden rat penetrating him from behind.

“Derp… are you Lord Voldemort?” VoidMage_Lowell looked at the cloaked Captain Fabulous. “Come on, you can join in. I’ve fantasized about this,” he smiled a derply smile.

Captain Fabulous was repulsed… but he was also very flattered. Sure, maybe he was being mistaken for someone he wasn’t… but a compliment is a compliment. Captain Fabulous decided it was okay, as long as his face wasn’t revealed. “Sure, what do I do?”

“Derp,” VoidMage_Lowell stood up, “Bend over the table… wait… is your face okay?”

Captain Fabulous panicked, “N…NO! It’s all rotten and skeleton-like. I have been dead for centuries after all! Please, please allow me to keep my face hidden. I’m a little self-concious.”

“I want to say I get it, but I’m unable to comprehend shame, derp. But that’s fine, have it your way. It’s more fun with more mystery.” VoidMage_Lowell walked up behind the now bent over Captain Fabulous and pulled up the cloak around his waste, exposing his ass. “DERRRP!” He squealed with delight before smacking Captain Fabulous’s ass. “Hey, WoodenRat, keep watch at the door… if anyone found out I was with Lord Voldemort, I wouldn’t get a chance!”

The wooden rat circled around the exit. A sweat drop dripped to the ground… he had been working hard for a long time under VoidMage_Lowell’s rule. He was happy for this change of position.

Captain Fabulous gulped hard, he had never been with anyone before and couldn’t believe he was about to get derp’d. It was a scary situation… but he steeled himself and prepared for the first time.

Captain Fabulous reached around to cover his hole, “wait… I’m not sure about this. I think… I think I need to use the washroom.”

“Derp, nah,” VoidMage_Lowell reassured him, “it’s just stage fright. I can tell you’ve never done this before. Things were a lot different under your rule; I understand, I’ll be gentle… at first. But then I’m going to pound you back to Minecraft. Now remove your hand!”

In the doorway the wooden rat braced himself. This was something he had been a part of so many times but it never seemed so real until he saw it as an outsider. He began furiously thinking about his homeland Lithuania in his head to remove the image.

VoidMage_Lowell pushed his way in without lubrication, and Captain Fabulous writhed in pain. “Hm, maybe it wasn’t just jitters. Oh well, hurpa, I’m going to keep going,” he derped, "I'm mashing your potatoes, how do you like that, Lord Voldemort!?"

"Who needs potatoes when you've got salami," Captain Fabulous choked, "goes on anything."

VoidMage_Lowell pulled out and started waving his 'salami' around, "Anything, huh?" He ran his salami down Captain Fabulous's leg. "Even here?" VoidMage_Lowell began furiously stroking himself. "How would you like some some salsa with your salami?"

"I would prefer some gravy on my mashed potatoes," Captain Fabulous screamed.

VoidMage_Lowell responded by jamming it back in. There was an eruption not unlike a meteor storm, and Captain Fabulous, the Lord Voldemort, fell over exhausted. VoidMage_Lowell stared in shock.

“Wow… that was… incredible,” Captain Fabulous smiled only long enough to notice anger growing over the face of his new lover. “What’s the matter?”

“DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR RRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP, CAAAAAPTAIN FABULOOOOOUS!!!” VoidMage_Lowell flew into a fury, his flaccid salami swung wildly, abruptly hitting Captain Fabulous in the face.

Captain Fabulous had been unmasked.

 

I'm not sure what to think about you putting me in 100% more of your stories than anyone else. I know I have a good porno name and everything, but if you put me in it there's no way it's based on real-life events.

Also you should link to the original stories, if the last two are edits. Which I assume they are.

 

Mmm... the novelty is beginning to wear off. That and I feel kinda bad for members who might be in there unwillingly. Except for Fab, because with a name like that you're just asking for it.

 

C'mon, Meta, I know you can do better than this.

 

I'm not sure what to think about you putting me in 100% more of your stories than anyone else.

You and Jacob have appeared in the same amount.

 

I think this will be a fitting review about pros and cons of this story:

 

Also you should link to the original stories, if the last two are edits. Which I assume they are.

If I gave a link it would be back to this very thread.

That and I feel kinda bad for members who might be in there unwillingly.

Kind of the point. These are only meant as jokes, if you like em you like em, if you hate em you hate em. Either way is fine with me. Doesn't take too long to write one up once I have an idea in my head.

C'mon, Meta, I know you can do better than this.

You're asking for it.

Spoiler

The following is Rated R.





Jacob walked aimlessly outside the forums.

"Why haven't I touched her yet?" he thought to himself. "I bet she feels nice."

Just then he saw the object of his thoughts, the rabbit who had always caught his eye, sleeping in the sunshine under a tree. She had always picked that stop to rest. People would always pass by and give her treats every now and then, praising the cute little mascot of the Cave Story Forums who was named Sue.

"She must be having a nice dream" he thought. For some reason, this made him feel a little aroused. "Now's my chance."

Jacob walked up to where it was laying and reached his hand downwards. She made pleasing sounds in her sleep. His hand came into contact with her rotund body.

"At last" he thought. Sue felt soft and warm to the touch, like a warm bag of oatmeal. Jacob then proceeded to pick her up. He squeezed her quite gently. She stirred slightly. "Groggie" she murmured in her half awake state.

A devilish thought came into Jacob's mind.

He held her tightly and ran into a store nearby, heading straight towards the bathrooms. Checking that no one had seen him, he went inside. The room was empty.

Jacob entered one of the stalls and locked the door. Sue was awake by now. "Hon hyonn" she cooed looking up at him with her large round eyes from the toilet seat where he had placed her.

Slowly, Jacob began to undo his trousers and pull them down. When they had been removed he quickly grabbed Sue by her stubby arms and sat on the waiting seat.

Not expecting this, Sue started snarling angrily at him.

"SHAAAAAAAAAAAA" she growled, attempting to intimidate him.

Seeing that this had no effect on her captor, Sue's anger turned to fear at what was going to happen. This only made Jacob more aroused.

"Aaaah" she cried as he ran her up and down, alternating between smooth and rough movements.

Sue was now visibly terrified and wet herself all over his penis and crotch area. While he enjoyed the feeling of the warm liquid cascading onto his groin, he had been urinated on and saw this as a grave insult.

He picked her up and stabbed at her with his erect penis, causing further cries of fear from his green haired captive. Jacob then noticed the source of the previous urination, which must be the equivalent of a vagina for a human. It was still trickling urine.
Slowly, he lifted her up again, and then began lowering her onto his waiting cock. Sue began thrashing to escape, knowing that something bad was going to happen, but it was no use. Jacob's human hands were much stronger than the rabbit.

"I wonder if it will fit" Jacob asked himself as he lay poised to enter the Cave Story Forum's mascot creature.

In one swift movement, he brought her down onto his penis, entering her opening roughly. He had no lubricant, and thus it was not an easy fit, and Jacob was sure he felt tearing and rupturing on his way in.

Sue let out a screech of agony as the foreign object which was Jacob's penis buried itself deep inside her. Never had she been in such pain.

After a short time of getting used to his situation, where the only thing that happened were more cries from Sue, he began thrusting into her. Holding her in place by her arms with his hands, he lifted her up and thrust into her, savoring her tightness around his penis. This carried on until he felt satisfied. He did not care that he was irrevocably damaging the innards of Sue, indeed, the pounding had made it easier to move around and the blood acted as a lubricant as it flowed down onto his shaft.

Feeling himself almost and climax, he lifted Sue up one last time. Her body felt limp now, her head lolling to one side, moving with the momentum he made. He brought her down onto him and ejaculated forcefully into her insides. Semen trickled down his penis, mixing with the blood.

Letting go of Sue, Jacob watched as she was suspended there, impaled on his penis, her chest rising and falling with uneven breath.

Pulling her off his penis, Jacob went to the sink to clean himself of the blood and innards which had resulted from his conquest. Sue just lay there in the stall not moving. After putting his trousers back on, he picked her up and went back outside to where he had found her. There was still no one to be seen. He set her down under the tree, and then left his prey in its grizzly state.

It was the end of andwhyisit's classes, and after checking on the Cave Story Forums he went to where he had left Sue so he could pick her up and go home. What he saw almost stopped his heart. Sue was laying there on her stomach, facing him, with a trail of blood and a white liquid behind her from where she had obviously crawled a short distance.

"an..d..w..hy..." she gasped as she saw him. He ran over to her and held her in his arms.

"Who did this to you?!" he asked, in anger at what had happened to her.

"is... it..."

Sue let out this last syllable, then her labored breathing finally stopped.

 

Spoiler

Chinchilla let out this last syllable, then her labored breathing finally stopped.

Yep.

 

Kind of the point. These are only meant as jokes, if you like em you like em, if you hate em you hate em.

Oh, I know, but my attachment for an extremely open (read 'deviant') sense of humor and my inner pansy do not always agree with each other. Hey, so long as no one gets freakishly over the top pissed off (and it doesn't look like anyone is or ever will), then keep on truckin' you crazy horn-devil.

Edit: Poor Sue. :<

 

Yep.

What a shame Jacob won't read that.

 

Spoiler

It was a sunny day, and although it was hot out, a gentle breeze makes sure that you're never too hot. A fine day for a beach trip. The cave story forums members were all there, enjoying the fine afternoon. Some swimming, some relaxing in the sand, and yet some others doing other things.

This is the story of two members, and their experiences together that day.

Lace and Wedge of Cheese (WoC) were walking along the sand, talking. They've been friends for a long time, since childhood even, and they hadn't seen each other for a while. It was nice catching up; they'd both changed so much, and it felt like they were meeting for the first time.

"Then I hit her, and she started crying". WoC finished.
Lace burst into laughter; that was the funniest story he'd heard in the last year! He hadn't remembered WoC being so funny, and interesting before, and he certainly hadn't noticed his toned body. In only his swim trunks, WoC really looked stunning.
He gave a sly smile to Lace, seeing him staring, and Lace faintly blushed and returned to the conversation.

"It's been so long, Wedge, where has the time gone?"

"Oh, you know what they say, time flies"

"So you said you were taking a course in hyper mathematics, right? How's that going"

"Oh, it's pretty easy" replied WoC, "we aren't learning anything that I didn't find out about last year in mega-advanced mathematics... but that's school, let's talk about our... personal life"

Lace blushed again: it may have just been him, but the way WoC worded that sentence, it seemed like he was alluding to something else entirely.

"Well uh..."

... should I keep going?

 

 

"Then I hit her, and she started crying". WoC finished.

Goddammit explosive >:C

 

 

Continue the story instead of posting images!

 

Spoiler

Lace and Cheese continued talking for a long time, filling in the blanks since they'd seen each other last. By the time they'd finished, the sun was setting, and they found themselves on a hill overlooking the ocean. As the sun began to set, Lace thought of how beautiful the view was, the orange glow reflecting off of the sea, and casting shadows across Wedge's chest.

They sat down, too tired to continue the journey back, and opted to sit and enjoy the moment.

"Beautiful isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

Seconds past, and turned into minutes, then, before they knew it, a whole hour had past.

Without the sun to warm him, the gentle breeze that once cooled down Lace now cut through his skin and chilled him. He shivered.

"You look a bit cold" said WoC.

"Yeah", replied Lace, his voice jittering because of the cold.

"Here," WoC said, wrapping his arms around Lace "is that better?"

"Th...thanks"

Lace's face turned a bright crimson, and he could feel his body heat raising, just from WoC's contact.

"Hey Lace..."

"Yeah?" Lace replied, looking up to WoC...

Cheese studied Lace's face for a couple moments, and then pulled his face in, suddenly kissing him.

TO BE CONTINUE

 

I am enjoying thus far.

 

This can be called modshipping. -rimshot-

Spoiler

Grease, salt, fat, but most important of all, workplace of the most beautiful boy GIRakaCHEEZER had ever laid eyes on. GIRakaCHEEZER wasn't a great fan of Wendys, but every time he ordered, it wasn't the burger's meat he wanted inside him.

He had just gotten off work, 6:30 on Tuesday. Perfect. Suddenly, he had a craving for Wendys. He donned his coat and hat. The walk through the the rainy, lamp-lit streets was a journey he had made many times, but the sight at the end was worth it.

As GIRakaCHEEZER stepped through the door to the diner, the small bell chiming to announce his arrival, he scanned the room. Then he saw him, and his heart jumped in his stomach. The boy he came here to see, the man of his dreams. The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He slid in to a seat close to Noxid, hoping he would notice him. Maybe tonight would be the night. All those moments thinking about Noxid. Wanting him, needing him. Thoughts of Noxid as he drifted off to sleep, taking him to a dream where they could be together. Long had he been coming to Wendys for this perfect, beautiful boy. So long that he had been able to work out Noxid's schedule, and have it written on that worn piece of paper back home.

"Can I take your order, sir?"

GIRakaCHEEZER snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. This was much better than any dream. There Noxid stood, eyes fixed on GIRakaCHEEZER and pen poised expectantly on his notepad. GIRakaCHEEZER hesitated for a second, not sure if his mind was tricking him, then recited his usual order. As Noxid jotted it down and walked away, GIRakaCHEEZER continued to stare. Noxid's slim form, the shape of his body as his tight shirt hugged it, excited GIRakaCHEEZER. The way he walked looked more like a dance, slightly provocative in nature. He knew it was wrong, Noxid was a child, but it just felt right. He tried to shove Noxid out of his mind, but he just couldn't.

All through the night the boy plagued GIRakaCHEEZER's thoughts, and it didn't help being in the same room with him. The thought of Noxid touching him, kissing him, caressing him, being with him. The thought of his bare body on his. The thought of Noxid loving him like whyme never had. He felt hot, deprived. He had to get out of there, and he couldn't see Noxid anymore so he took his chance to escape without facing him. He grabbed his still wet coat, his hat, and stepped outside. The cold air was bliss on his skin, the sound of the now heavier rain beating him drowning out the voice of Noxid in his head. Tonight was not the night, not the night his thoughts became reality. So he thought.

"Hey"

GIRakaCHEEZER looked for the voice, and found it on his right side. It was Noxid, so close that GIRakaCHEEZER should have noticed him when he walked out. "H...hi" GIRakaCHEEZER stuttered. Noxid was the last person he thought he would be facing. Noxid continued.

"I see you in there a lot. You're not stalking me are you?" He chuckled to himself.

"No, of course not!" Though that's not what GIRakaCHEEZER wanted to say.

"Hey, it's alright. I've been thinking about you for a while, and I've noticed the way you look at me."

"I...I..." GIRakaCHEEZER was beside himself. He was in the pouring rain, but his whole body felt hot. He tried to keep himself together, tried to keep calm, hoped Noxid wouldn't notice what was obviously happening in his pants.

"Do you wanna do something sometime?" Noxid carried on.

"I don't know... I'm a lot older than you, it isn't right is it?".

"Sure it is. I'm up for it, so are you".

"I'm not sure I can do this..."

GIRakaCHEEZER was finding it extremely hard to control himself. He looked at Noxid standing there, his now soaked shirt clinging to him, accentuating his every feature, begging to be ripped off. One quick scan of Noxid's lower half showed he was just as excited as GIRakaCHEEZER. Noxid stepped closer, so close that GIRakaCHEEZER could see every drop of rain fall of his drenched hair and proceed down his young face. Noxid's lips formed the final straw for GIRakaCHEEZER.

"I was the one who made King Story".

GIRakaCHEEZER lost control. He couldn't fight it any longer. He wanted to take Noxid right there and then, tear off his clothes, throw him against the wall and ravage him. He wanted Noxid, and Noxid wanted him. But there was little they could do in their current position, they needed a place to go. And GIRakaCHEEZER knew where.

"Wanna come back to my place and play Cave Story 2?"

Noxid looked slightly confused. "But, there is no Cave Story 2?"

GIRakaCHEEZER leaned in, so far that Noxid could feel the hot breath on his face. He put his hands on Noxid's hips and looked deep in to his eyes. "I know".

-Fade out-

 

D: