Mike73 said:
I tried to make a more dramatic version of it, but to me that didn't seem to come through until near the end.
I actually was going to have it sound almost opera-like, but some of the notes wouldn't fit, and ended up with that instead.
No I mean it sounds like you're going out of key a lot at some places. Not wrong as in it isn't exactly like the original, but wrong as in you've got clashing notes (unintentional disonance, which isn't good necessarily).
It's mainly because you're trying to use harmonic chords (the 3 notes for each note), but you're not staying in key since you're just setting them at standard intervals instead of fitting them in key.
Basically you're violating some of the rules of music theory, which in turn makes it sound off. Also could you post a link for the file?
[EDIT]: Heck even the main notes sound wrong, since I'm sure that the song of healing goes like "B A F B A F B A E D E".