Lonebot : I just woke up in a cave with no idea who I am or how I got here. FML. I can’t use my GPS. I have no idea how I’m getting w-fi, either.web
Lonebot : Man, it’s dark in here. And wet. And there’s bats. And KGJHO;SEQQQQQQQQ
Lonebot : Sorry about that last one. There’s these giant… beanbags things that like to jump at me. Friggin crazy little critters. I think they bite.
Lonebot : Oh yeah and there’s god damn spikes everywhere WTF???
Lonebot : I found some guy’s home. He’s living in this cave. Gross. He’s asleep right now, and I don’t really wanna wake him up. He’s dirty and smelly
Lonebot : Um… it’s not considered stealing if the person PROBABLY would have given it to you, right? Because I found this gun in his home.
Lonebot : It’s a really nice gun, and I think I should take it in case he decides he doesn’t like me. I need to defend myself, anyway.
Lonebot : You know, against the ferocious bats and terrifying… beanbag… things. Anyhow, off I go! There must be some way out of this cave.
Lonebot : HOLY JESUS TITS! I went to go open a door and it FREAKING BLINKED AT ME. WHAT THE HELL. IT’S GOT A GIANT EYE! WHAT IS THIS PLACE?
Lonebot : Yeah, there’s a door in this cave. I see light on the other side, but no moving air. AUGH beanbag critter jumped at me. They’re everywhere!
Lonebot : Using a gun is a lot easier than I thought. It’s like I was made for it or something. Anyway, I showed that door who’s boss.
Lonebot : Oh my god I destroyed the door and fell like 300 feet and I’m in some kinda underground village and there’s rabbit monsters everywhere help!
Lonebot : Okay so one of the rabbit-monsters, King, is looking for another one, Toroko. Maybe he’s going to molest her, I don’t know. This is madness.
Lonebot : Well, this is a quaint little rock village. Lots of houses but no one’s around. King said something about only 7 rabbit-monsters here.
Lonebot : King doesn’t seem to have a problem with me being around. Maybe I’ll just crash here until I can figure out where the hell I’m under.
Lonebot : They farm flowers here, apparently. Blue, yellow and white (specific!), but not red. Red ones are poisonous it seems.
Lonebot : All three varieties of non-lethal flowers taste horrible. I nearly gagged. Friggin rabbit-monsters, or Memagas, or whatever.
Lonebot : Oh it’s “Mimigas”. Anyway, I wonder where that Toroko rabbit-girl went off to? Heh, rabbits, King actually looks like a dog.
Lonebot : I’m touring around this village. “Mimiga Village”. Original. Some guy, Arthur, has this big-ass house but he’s dead. Such a waste.
Lonebot : And the door is locked so I can’t even loot his stuff
On a side note, still no trace of that Toroko. King seems agitated.
Lonebot : Jack, second-in-command to King, says I can’t go in the graveyard because of mushrooms (ohnoes?), so I can’t even loot Arthur’s grave. Damn.
Lonebot : Hey I found a map! It’s a whole map SYSTEM! Now I can find my way out of here! I wonder why it was lying in a high alcove in the rocks?
Lonebot : This is the shittiest map system ever. It just gives me an outline of the cave I’m currently in.
Lonebot : I met a Mimiga rabbit named Mahin and he’s stuffing his face full of dried flowers. Oh god I can hardly stand to watch him.
Lonebot : Oh yeah, most of the Mimigas seem to be talking about this Sue girl who’s locked herself up in Arthur’s house. She’s an outsider, apparently
Lonebot : No torches and pitchforks in sight though so I suppose she’s safe for the time being.
Lonebot : Okay so I guess they’re not really monsters. Or maybe they’re actually scientific experiements gone wrong. Point is, they act very docile.
Lonebot : 140 characters feels like a prison to someone with perfect grammar and spelling. However I refuse to shorten up my speech. Or text.
Lonebot : I wonder if anyone here knows about that hermit living up in that cave. There’s no way back up as far as I can tell. It’s a hole in the roof
Lonebot : Jack looked at me funny when I told him I fell about 300 feet. Why? Is it not normal to fall that far and not be hurt?
Lonebot : King’s really in a bad mood about Toroko. Maybe I should go find her for him, since he seems incapable of doing anything but bitching.
Lonebot : So right now I’m hanging out in a reservoir with Kanpachi, who likes fishing. Seems pretty relaxed, in contrast with King. OH WAIT TOROKO
Lonebot : Well, found her but she ran away and now I’m looking all over the place for her and I can’t find her again. Maybe she’s hiding in a rabbit-hole.
Lonebot : *Insert Alice in Wonderland reference here*
Lonebot : I think I’ll look in this abandoned shack. I avoided it before, because it gives me the creeps, but it’s pretty much the only place left.
Lonebot : Found her but AUGH WHAT THE F
Lonebot : Little brat tried to jump me with a stick. It only pinged off my arm. Now she’s blubbering about Sue. Who is this Sue character?
Lonebot : Also I have her pendant. It’s a silver fish. I picked it up in reservoir, because it was shiny. Also, WHY DOES KING HATE SUE? WHY SO HATIN’?
Lonebot : I’m keeping the pendant. It’s shiny. She couldn’t take it from me if she tried. Also, the Mimigas keep talking about this doctor. Why???
Lonebot : HOLY SHIT A GIANT FRIGGIN TOASTER JUST BROKE THROUGH THE DOOR. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?
Lonebot : IT’S GOT EYES AND A MOUTH AND STUBBY LITTLE ARMS AND STUBBY LITTLE LEGS AND NOW IT’S TALKING TO ME. GOOGLE RETURNS NO RESULTS!
Lonebot : Now there’s some floating chick with blue hair. She’s ice cold, I tell you. Just insulted the toaster for being there. I think she’s a witch
Lonebot : Oh god they stole Toroko. Trapped her in a bubble. Maybe she’s Glinda the Good Witch, only a pedophile?
Lonebot : Well, Glinda left, but Toaster’s still here. Wants to fight me. Sure, I can take him.
Lonebot : I don’t think Toaster (or Balrog, Glinda called him) has been in very many fights. I schooled him good. Now he flew out of the shack.
Lonebot : Yes, that’s right, I just beat down a giant, flying toaster. He left a hole in the roof when he retreated. Well, time to break the bad news.
Lonebot : King’s gonna flip.
Lonebot : Well, I don’t know where King is right now, so I just told Jack and he ran off. Didn’t seem too pleased. TIME FOR GRAVE ROBBING!
Lonebot : Good God there’s some freaky-looking guy in that graveyard. Came at me with a giant knife! I guess they take their dead seriously here.
Lonebot : And he isn’t even a Mimiga. He’s like a… brown… grizzled… thing. Oh well, he didn’t seem keen on conversation so I shot him.
Lonebot : Wow, Jack wasn’t kidding when he said there were dangerous mushrooms. They’re roaming around, attacking me. One is HUGE. But I have a pistol
Lonebot : So I finally got to Arthur’s grave. It’s hard to miss. He was apparently a hero to the Mimigas. I think he got smoked by that witch/toaster.
Lonebot : Arthur wasn’t buried with anything, even though he was a hero. Oh, but I did find a key. Yay. OH maybe it’s his! Well, duh it’s his. Durrrr.
Lonebot : King and Jack are in the “Assembly Hall”. They’re kinda bummed that Toroko got kidnapped. Oh well, time to go find Sue, since I have a key!
Lonebot : So Arthur’s key opened his front door (what a twist!) and now I’m inside, but no one’s home. I found some red flowers in the basement…
Lonebot : He’s got some crazy tech in here. I didn’t expect much more than spears from these people but he’s got two computers and a TELEPORTER. OMFG.
Lonebot : “No permission to teleport,” it says. What, do I need a parent or guardian’s signature?
Lonebot : I WAS SO CLOSE to getting out of here! ARRRGH! I mean, it’s not that bad but I don’t want to spend my days here! I have to regain my life!
Lonebot : I mean, I don’t know who I am or why I’m here and I might be a supermodel aboveground or a politician and people might be PANICKING!
Lonebot : I MIGHT NEVER GET OUT OF THIS FILTHY HOLE! OH GOD I CAN’T LIVE IN A CAVE I’M LOSING A PRECIOUS LIFE THAT I DON’T REMEMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE
Lonebot : THIS IS THE ONLY DAY OF MY LIFE I CAN REMEMBER AND IT’S PROBABLY GOING TO BE THE WORST. IIIIII HAAAAATE STUUUUUUUFFFFFFF
Lonebot : Oh. Wait. The computer turns on the teleporter. Uh, sorry folks.
Lonebot : I wonder if this thing has Tetris?
Lonebot : It’s got Oregon Trail. I died of dysentery right after Kansas River
Lonebot : I’m really good at Oregon Trail, but when your intestines don’t want you to win you can’t argue with them.
Lonebot : So! Anyway, here I go. Teleporting. To… “Egg Corridor”? I’ve seen the trend, and I’m guessing there are giant ferocious chickens in there.
(hours later)
Lonebot : Well, Twitter decided to die off for a bit when I teleported. I’m sure the two events aren’t related, since other website were available.
Lonebot : I am beat, you guys, so I will have a full recounting of events that transpired in the last hour later. Right now…. blargh.
Lonebot : Spent about an hour fishing with Kanpachi. He uses his rod, I use my laser pistol. I hit more fish but he’s taking more home.
Lonebot : Also King is still being creepy and brooding. He locked Sue in a cage. Oh yeah, I need to tell you guys what happened in the Egg Corridor.
Lonebot : I will tell you what happened TOMORROW. Oh the suspense! 10:49 PM Aug 19th
Lonebot : Here is my account of the Egg Corridor.
http://bit.ly/XA7yV 10:39 AM Aug 20th (Editor’s note: this is required reading.)
Lonebot : Let it be known that I am not a master of prose.
Lonebot : It’s a beautiful morning! Or, it might be, if I wasn’t STUCK UNDERGROUND IN CRAZYLAND.
Lonebot : Sorry for not updating, not much interesting stuff happened, and I think there’s a DoS attack being launched against Twitter.
Lonebot : Sue’s not looking too good after being kept in a cage all night. King’s getting a little more reasonable now, though. No more knife-wielding
Lonebot : Looks like King plans on trading Sue for Toroko. I don’t know, Glinda and Toaster didn’t seem very reasonable. She’s not a good witch.
Lonebot : I am still sore from that epic duel with Super Bunny. He did more than nibble me bottom. My head feels like melting.
Lonebot : I finally got a chance to talk to Sue. She says her brother’s in Grasstown, and I should go find him. Why not, I am hers to command.
Lonebot : But seriously it’ll give me something to do. Besides, Grasstown doesn’t sound like a place that will kill me.
Lonebot : Flowers still taste gross. I think Kanpachi’s got the right idea.
Lonebot : Well, I guess I might as well go find Kazuma, her brother, right away. There’s nothing left for me to do here. Nothing important, anyway.
Lonebot : Now I need to figure out how to get this teleporter to take me to Grasstown. I’ll utilize my 1337 h4xx0r sk1llz.
Lonebot : God damn it Oregon Trail is distracting.
Lonebot : I have no idea how I’m going to get to this “Grasstown” place. “Grasstown” is not enough information to calibrate something this complex.
Lonebot : Oh. The co-ordinates for Grasstown are already in the computer. I’m starting to hate this machine.
Lonebot : Teleporting is still the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. Well, now I’m in Grasstown. It’s damp, dark and grassy.
Lonebot : It just occurred to me – grass doesn’t grow underground. Where the hell is sunlight coming from?
Lonebot : I met this fellow (a Mimiga, of course) named Santa. For real. He is not aware of how ridiculous his name is. Perhaps Mimigas are Jewish.
Lonebot : Santa lost his key when he was attacked by critters. Yep, the beanbag ones. They’re not too hard to deal with, so I’ll go get him his key.
Lonebot : Why would he lock his door, anyway? I don’t see any other houses. No one around to break in. Freaking paranoid guy.
Lonebot : AAAAH JESUS SHIT THEY’RE HUGE. The critters! There’s the regular green ones, and then there’s these ENORMOUS blue ones that like to jump.
Lonebot : Well, they all like to jump, but HOLY TITTIES THEY CAN FLY. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT’S POSSIBLE.
Lonebot : They can glide for about 30 feet. They have these stubby little propeller-ear things and they can FLOAT with those? I hate these caves.
Lonebot : Well, I can run faster then they can glide so it’s easy enough to shoot them dead. I wonder if there are any PETA members down here?
Lonebot : So Grasstown is basically Santa’s house and some rolling hills. Yeah, hills underground. It’s also wet down here.
Lonebot : Found his key lying by a well. The way back to his house shouldn’t be too hazardous, since I eliminated most of the fauna.
Lonebot : Santa has his house key back now. He thanked me and invited me in for a reward. +200 exp?
Lonebot : Quest: Completed. Reward: Undying gratitude.
Lonebot : No, I’m joking, he’s actually got something for me. What a nice guy. Except… he’s got a spike pit in his house.
Lonebot : I’m leaving his house now.
Lonebot : OH GOD HE’S CHASING ME WITH SOME KIND OF FIREARM! WHY IS EVERYONE HERE PSYCHO???
Lonebot : Well, I lost him once I ran into critter territory. The bad news is that I am now in critter territory, and these things are aggressive.
Lonebot : These things have really sharp teeth. I guess they eat bats, which is why they can fly. CRAZY.
Lonebot : Well, my trip through Grasstown has been terrible. I got attacked by a psycho and swarmed by killer beanbags.
Lonebot : I’ve found another house tucked into the side of a cliff. Maybe the inhabitants won’t try to kill me.
Lonebot : The only person who lives here is a purple Mimiga named Chaco. I did not know Mimigas came in any color but white. Poor Chaco.
Lonebot : I hope the rest of the Mimigas aren’t racist towards her or anything. Maybe that’s why she lives alone. Of course, so does Santa.
Lonebot : But Santa lives alone because he is a crazy murderer. Oh, wait, actually Chaco says he’s a nice guy. Is she crazy too?
Lonebot : Well, Chaco tells me that it was probably a misunderstanding, and she seems nice enough, but they could still both be serial killers.
Lonebot : Chaco has no idea who Kazuma is, but she does have coffee. Which I refused, because it would probably break me, but it was a nice offer.
Lonebot : Oh god Santa’s here. He says he came to apologize. I’ll hear him out but I bet I have a faster trigger finger.
Lonebot : Oh. He was going to give me his gun as a reward. That’s not usually what you give strangers as a present, but I’ll take what I can get.
Lonebot : He says the spikes are actually just a weed that got out of hand in his house. I don’t believe him, but I’m also never going back there.
Lonebot : Well, that was an interesting “misunderstanding”. Santa went back home, and I have no idea how to find Kazuma. I’m also pretty worn out.
Lonebot : Chaco says it’s okay if I stay here a while. Mimigas do seem rather nice as a species, although they’re also batshit insane sometimes.
Lonebot : Hey, Chaco has a mirror. I can finally take a picture of myself, although it’s a bit blurry.
Lonebot : According to Chaco, Santa is a “scaredy-cat”. He had no problem chasing me out into the wild, though. I’m kinda scared of him.
Lonebot : Hey, what’s this “topics” thing? #iamarobot
Lonebot : Apparently no one else is a robot. This makes me feel even more alone. #mylifesucks
Lonebot : Chaco sure is a kind person. I think she gets lonely living in Grasstown with no company but a psycho. I don’t know why people don’t visit.
Lonebot : Wait a minute isn’t Chaco a Spanish name? Oh, wait, it’s also a Japanese name. I have no idea why so many Mimigas have Japanese names.
Lonebot : It’s not like anything else has Japanese names. Just Toroko, Kanpachi, Chaco, Mahin (?) and Kazuma.
Lonebot : Uh, wow, Chaco sure is friendly… 12:40 PM Aug 20th
Lonebot : Well, good morning… oh wait it’s still today. Well, that was a nice 3 hour hiatus. Time to get back to whatever I was doing. 3:30 PM Aug 20th
Lonebot : Time to get back to finding Kazuma. I’m out in the Bushlands now, the wild place between Santa’s and Chaco’s houses. There are jellyfish now
Lonebot : No idea where they came from, but here they are floating along. Yes, floating jellyfish. And guess what? They’re almost as big as me.
Lonebot : So, listen, some things happened at Chaco’s place. They are secret things, and I may have moaned my own name once or twice. No idea why.
Lonebot : Let us never speak of this again. Anyway, right now I’m going to Google some things while I shoot jellyfish.
Lonebot : Guys, what’s a “furry”? I can’t find anything with Safe Search turned on, and there’s no way I’m turning it off. Humanity scares me.
Lonebot : No reason to ask why I want to know this, by the way.
Lonebot : Moving on: right now I’m trying to find a “big” jellyfish, apparently bigger than these enormous suckers. I’m supposed to harvest its juice.
Lonebot : This “big” jellyfish is out in the Bushlands somewhere. I’ve been all over and I haven’t found it. I also still don’t know what a furry is.
Lonebot : Oh god. That is disgusting. The Queen Jelly has stuck its… head… in the ceiling, so it’s just the gross part hanging down. Yucky.
Lonebot : Here goes nothing… gonna shoot it. By the way, that gun Santa gave me shoots fireballs Mario-style. It’s pretty sweet (and a fire hazard).
Lonebot : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGETITOFFME 8:57 AM Oct 25th, 2008 (lolwut time travel?)
Lonebot : Well, that was horrible. I shot the thing in the belly, and it dropped onto my head. Took me this long to fix everything after it shocked me. 4:09 PM Aug 20th
Lonebot : I killed it, by the way, and now I’ve got a jar of jelly. Time to go use it and move on with my adventure.
Lonebot : BTW I have to use the juice to extinguish Chaco’s fireplace and crawl through it to get through the cave wall. Don’t ask why she can’t just put the fire out.
Lonebot : Ugh Twitter kinda broke for a minute there. Anyway, here I go back to Chaco’s house and it will not be awkward.
Lonebot : I’m having some real troubles with Twitter. I blame the website itself. Anyway, here I am on the other side of her home, plus a few burns.
Lonebot : Exciting news: This side looks the same, only it’s narrow and there are deep pits of death all over the place. HOORAY!
Lonebot : Man, there are a lot of bats back here. As if the spike pits weren’t enough, now I’m being eaten alive (figuratively).
Lonebot : Almost killed myself by nearly falling onto a nest of 2-foot long spikes. Clumsy me! In my defense, it was camouflaged. Makes me suspicious.
Lonebot : I think there is some connection between Santa and these spike pits. Oh hey, a big ol’ white tombstone! Looks like Santa’s got a kill count.
Lonebot : OUCH. I tried knocking over the tombstone, since there’s no way around it, and it shot me with a red ring of death. DAMN YOU MICROSOFT.
Lonebot : After I disposed of that Xbox Tombstone, I fell AGAIN. The tunnel just sloped down all of a sudden and I rolled on the gravel. I’m okay now.
Lonebot : So now I’m in a part of Grasstown that looks more artificial, but everything’s falling apart. I’m guessing people lived here at some point.
Lonebot : Hey, more bats! And some more Microsoft Tombstonesｩ. And a ridiculously enormous frog. Should have figured. Eh, laser pistol solves problems
Lonebot : Well, I can’t get back up to where I came from. I guess I’ll spend the rest of my days here. In the meantime, I’ll see how high I can climb.
Lonebot : Sweet, I’m as high as I can go. I can see several structures, and a lot of spikes. The footing’s tricky up here, I might h 4:47 PM Aug 20th
Lonebot : Oh, god, I was out for 17 hours. And here I thought I was impervious to fall damage. Three strikes and you’re out, I guess. 9:45 AM Aug 21st
Lonebot : In other news, a critter decided that my head would be a good place to sleep. My hair is now nasty and my hat is full of poo. #mylifesucks
Lonebot : OH MAN YOU GUYS I think I was an astronaut before this! I had visions of being in space, flying at incredible speeds, seeing the stars…
Lonebot : Wait, shit, that was my screensaver. God damn it.
Lonebot : Well, my head hurts a bit but I guess I’ll be fine. Time to go do stuff. Find Kazuma. Right.
Lonebot : Well, there are still some giant frogs around, along with a handful of critters and more of those evil tombstones. Kazuma’s a brave man.
Lonebot : So, there’s this tower here, and it has a skull engraving over the doorway. I’m not going in there. If that’s where Kazuma is then too bad.
Lonebot : Lots of crazy things trying to kill me… just another day in my new life. I might have to get used to this.
Lonebot : Lots of locked doors. Maybe I should try breaking some down. I’ve always wanted to see how awesome that feels. These ones are thick steel.
Lonebot : Well that was embarrassing. The first one I tried knocking down was unlocked. The room inside is creepy.
Lonebot : There’s red petals, and scratches all over the wall, and the fireplace is broken up and covered in soot. Maybe I’m in a zombie movie?
Lonebot : AUGH HOLY SHIT BAD RABBIT BAD RABBIT! WHY IS THERE ANOTHER ANGRY RABBIT-MONSTER ATTACKING ME? ONE WAS ENOUGH! Oh, this one died easier.
Lonebot : That was so incredibly terrifying that I’m surprised I’m not going into shock. The thing just popped out of the fireplace, snarling!
Lonebot : Luckily it was smaller than the first one. Anyway, I’m going to be watching my back from now on. This place just got way more sinister.
Lonebot : Oh, yay, a pond of spikes. I see some broken down scaffolding on the other side. I might be able to jump to it, but I’m not crazy or stupid.
Lonebot : Man, I keep getting these random snatches of useless memories… like when Martin Luther King day is. But I don’t know who he is!
Lonebot : Oh hi there, people. Didn’t notice I had followers. Looks like Nabi’s the only one who CARES.
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – I think the place should be named Weedland, for all the deathspike weeds growing there. Or, santa needs to get out more.
Lonebot : @NabiNyangi The last thing Santa needs to do is get out of his house more. Especially if there are potential victims around.
Lonebot : Oh man, I have no idea where this Kazuma guy is. He probably died. He’s in that skull tower, rotting away. Sue won’t be too happy.
Lonebot : Why must I be the bringer of bad news all the time?
Lonebot : Found Kazuma! He’s locked inside a building with no windows. I’m talking to him through a crack in the wall.
Lonebot : He gave me a key but the door doesn’t have a keyhole. It’s rusted shut. Time to actually break down a door! WOO!
Lonebot : Owwww… I have no idea what that door is made of but it’s stronger than steel. No success. I’ll have to find some other way.
Lonebot : I’ll see if this key can open any doors around here, starting with that “Power Room”.
Lonebot : This place is confusing now I can’t find it.
Lonebot : Ah! Found my way back to the power room. OMG YES THE KEY WORKS! There’s some clunky-looking robots lying around, and a big… power… thing
Lonebot : It looks like it controls the power to all of Grasstown. Turned power ON. Turned MALCO ON. Who the hell’s MALCO, and why do I turn him on?
Lonebot : Oh. MALCO is a robot. He just woke up. Oh, Jesus, he says I’m an intruder. I hope he doesn’t attack – WHAT THE FUCKS?
Lonebot : TOASTER JUST BURST FROM THE CEILING AND LANDED ON MALCO. At least not everything happens to me. Toaster doesn’t seem too happy though.
Lonebot : Oh, Glinda’s name is Misery, he said. I’m too busy to make fun of her name. Sounds like she works for an abusive doctor, though.
Lonebot : Oh, Balrog’s going to “tear me apart”. As far as I can see, I’m the one with two guns. He’s got… body mass. OH AND FLIGHT? WHAT? WHAAAAAT?
Lonebot : HE’S FLYING. WHAT? HOW? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. HE’S ALSO SHOOTING BALLS AT ME. YES, YOU HEARD RIGHT. BIG, GRAYISH BLUE BALLS.
Lonebot : I hereby christen him “PCP Warrior.” Now excuse me while I rip him a new one.
Lonebot : Ow! The bitch landed on me! As if my body hasn’t taken enough abuse already, now he’s treating me like a Goomba.
Lonebot : Well, I’m considerably worse for the wear, but Balrog decided to live to fight another day. Wuss. Toaster wuss.
Lonebot : Poor MALCO. He got crushed into the ground by Balrog’s massive toast-making bulk. I’mna help him up.
Lonebot : You know how some people talk, verbally, in caps? It’s not actually possible, but it sure sounds like that’s what MALCO is doing.
Lonebot : He looks pretty beaten up. And old. Like the rest of this place. He also says I’m a nice person. And that he can make bombs. Bombs are fun!
Lonebot : Oh, hey, I can go break down Kazuma’s door with a bomb! MALCO says I only need Jelly Juice, charcoal and gum base. Well, I can get two…
Lonebot : No idea how I’m going to get back to the Bushlands, though. Maybe there’s some jellyfish over here? And charcoal can’t be hard to find.
Lonebot : What the… why are there super powerful fans blowing all over the place now? I didn’t notice them before. They can almost lift me!
Lonebot : If I angle my body just right I can get blown pretty high. On second thought, maybe that’s a bad idea, judging from experience.
Lonebot : So, I told Kazuma about the bomb thing, and he was like “Gum Base? I have a key labeled ‘gum’ in here!” So now I have a fair amount of keys.
Lonebot : Well, I guess I will have to get back to the Bushlands for some juice and charcoal. No fires here. PS Kazuma is hungry, but I have no food.
Lonebot : Wheeeee! I’m flying up to that tunnel! Ow, my head. Can’t believe I didn’t see that one coming. Oh, hello spikepits. How’ve you been?
Lonebot : Turns out the tunnel branches. I didn’t notice before. It comes out over Chaco’s house, and I can ride a fan down to the ground.
Lonebot : I guess I’ll get some charcoal from Chaco’s place. She’s got a fire. In my pants.
Lonebot : So it turns out that the jellyfish juice kinda wrecks the charcoal. Chaco’s fire is out right now. Now where do I find charcoal?
Lonebot : Come to think of it, what are they burning? There are no trees. Wait, I don’t want to know the answer. I want to know who has a fireplace.
Lonebot : Santa. Santa has a fireplace. Oh god, this is going to be frightening. Oh well, at least he gave me his fireball launcher.
Lonebot : And I can’t even use my fireballs to create charcoal because there’s no wood to burn. This whole place makes little sense.
Lonebot : Here I am, at Santa’s house. I hope he doesn’t come to the door naked with a meat cleaver or something equally creepy.
Lonebot : So far he’s acting normal. For a Mimiga. I’ll get my charcoal ASAP and GTFO, so he doesn’t try pushing me into his spike pit.
Lonebot : I got out of there without incident. Probably because I won’t bleed if he gets me. Heh heh, squishy, leaky humans and their organs.
Lonebot : Speaking of squishies, I found the carcass of the Queen Jelly now. Still some juice left! Now if I could only find some gum base.
Lonebot : Wouldn’t it suck if Kazuma starved to death while I was looking for the gum base? So much wasted effort on my part.
Lonebot : Well, I’m back in Dead Grasstown, by the huge pit of spikes. I made it onto the scaffolding. There is a door at the top labeled “Gum”.
Lonebot : This is a stupid idea, but what other choice do I have? Kazuma might be able to get me out of these caves. Or… island?
Lonebot : I remember Sue saying, “I hate this stinking island and everything on it!” So I’m in some caves under an island. Helpful.
Lonebot : Maybe I should focus on the task at hand: using the fans to blow me up to the door. This is so extreme. I wish I could put it on YouTube.
Lonebot : God, finally made it to the door. This is madness. But it’s convenient that all the bomb-making materials are in Grasstown.
Lonebot : Inside this room, it is green, gloomy, and musty. Plus there is a chest sitting in the middle of the floor, which contains… GUM BASE!
Lonebot : I have no idea what gum base is, but if it makes stuff asplode maybe I’ll be careful with it. Time to head back to MALCO and his capitals.
Lonebot : Oh, Christ. It’s Glinda the Miserable Witch. What the hell does she want? My gum? No way. Maybe if I don’t say anything she’ll leave.
Lonebot : Oh, and here comes Super Toaster through the roof, as usual. That’s even worse than just appearing, like Misery does.
Lonebot : Well, Misery turned Balrog into a frog the size of a small house. I’m not even surprised anymore.
Lonebot : Oh, but he is going to try killing me in his giant frog form. FORM OF: A GIANT OSPREY!
Lonebot : No fair. I should be able to change shape too. Anyway, time to do something about this Balfrog freak of nature.
Lonebot : Shooting white-hot fireballs into his mouth seems pretty effective. I mean, all he can do is hop a little and shoot big red… things. What?
Lonebot : He’s shooting spinning penises out of his mouth or something. This is retarded. I’d hate to be killed in this manner.
Lonebot : Heh. “Shooting white-hot ***** into his mouth seems pretty effective.” This is how boring fighting for my life has become, by the way.
Lonebot : This is my life now: shooting plasma into the gaping mouth of a killer toaster that was turned into a giant frog. Maybe I’m on acid.
Lonebot : I finally killed him… or, well, he turned back into a toaster. I should say that he’s not ACTUALLY a toaster; he’s just a box-shaped.
Lonebot : Oh god I almost fell on the spikes on my way back down. That would have been anticlimactic.
Lonebot : MALCO IS STILL TALKING IN CAPS. THE DUDE DOES NOT HAVE A VOLUME SWITCH. BUT HE DOES MAKES BOMBS.
Lonebot : MALCO took forever to make the bomb but now I have it! As long as the fuse isn’t randomly lit it shouldn’t explode in my hands.
Lonebot : The explosive blew the door right off its hinges. I now have Kazuma’s eternal gratitude. He does look pretty hungry, as well.
Lonebot : Some old guy just teleported into the room. There’s a teleporter here; he’s not a witch. I hope. Eh, I can probably take him.
Lonebot : Oh wait he’s a friend of Kazuma’s. Cool. Let’s not question how he got here, let’s just gtfo.
Lonebot : Man, why do they keep talking about this evil Doctor? What’s he going to do, give them too many pills?
Lonebot : Apparently the Doctor is gathering Mimigas and red flowers. Which are poisonous. Okay, so maybe he’s planning a genocide or something.
Lonebot : The hell? There’s some kinda motorbike behind this building. We’re going to ride it back, apparently. That’s a great idea.
Lonebot : Oh, it’s a flying motorbike. Of course. If it’s not way bigger than it should be, it flies.
Lonebot : Oh cool. Kazuma and… Professor Booster, I think, took off without me. Yeah, whatever, it’s not like I saved your life or anything.
Lonebot : They actually went up into the tunnel. All my life-saving work for nothing. It’s full of SPIKE PITS, for crying out loud!
Lonebot : I don’t see any smoldering remains in the tunnel. I guess they made it out somehow.
Lonebot : Had to book it across the Bushlands. I had like the entire critter and bat population following me. But fire solved that problem.
Lonebot : Their flying motorcycle is by Santa’s house, in a wreck. Oh god, he probably got them both. WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG SOMETIMES?
Lonebot : I guess I really will have to tell Sue that her brother died. Maybe I’ll leave out the part where he was probably a serial killer’s victim.
Lonebot : WAIT A MINUTE WHAT THE FUCK. SUE IS A MIMIGA. KAZUMA’S A HUMAN. WHAAAA?
Lonebot : Maybe they’re not literally siblings. They just have a very strong bond. Well, not anymore. I’m going to teleport back and tell her.
Lonebot : Oh, Kazuma and Mr. Booster made it back in one piece. What a relief! And Sue and King are in Arthur’s house as well. How charming.
Lonebot : Man, looks like everyone’s glad to see me. Good, I risked my life to save Sue, Kazuma and Booster. King’s looking less like he wants to kill people, even.
Lonebot : AW WHAT WE HAVE TO SUSPEND OUR ESCAPE? BULLSHIT, BOOSTER. I WANNA LEAVE. Oh, the Doctor has located the red flowers. Genocide time?
Lonebot : Good news: I’m going to the Sand Zone, alone, to go kick Misery or Balrog’s ass and steal the red flowers. YAY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BEING LAZY!
Lonebot : Oh yeah. Booster also figured out that I’m a robot. What a friggin genius that guy is. Give him a Nobel prize.
Lonebot : TO THE SAND ZONE, MUTHAFUCKAS!
Lonebot : I just saw this girl run away from me as soon as I teleported in. An intriguing mystery! Perhaps she is one of the Doctor’s henchmen!
Lonebot : Henchwoman. Gotta be PC.
Lonebot : It’s friggin dry and hot and full of sand here. Duh. But imagine a desert in a cave. That is what is going on here. And some stone walls.
Lonebot : Yay more giant flies. I hope they didn’t eat that chick while she was climbing this passage.
Lonebot : OH MAN YOU GUYS THERE IS A BAR HERE! WOOOOOO! I CAN’T DRINK BUT A BAR MEANS PEOPLE AND PEOPLE MEANS ESCAPE. I hope.
Lonebot : Wait, shit, there’s just that girl and a few Mimiga children. Lame. They’re minors, too! She’s a bad influence.
Lonebot : She’s also getting mad at me for some reason. Thinks I’m going to kill some Mimigas. I haven’t ruled out that possibility, actually.
Lonebot : She’s also shooting at me with a machine gun. #mylifesucks
Lonebot : BAM SUCK MY FIREBALLS BITCH!
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – she must be the newest henchwoman, and I bet she’s got some powerful magic with her. be on guard…
Lonebot : @NabiNyangi If by “powerful magic” you mean “terrible aim” then yes.
Lonebot : So it turns out I don’t have to kill any Mimigas right now. This chick’s all like “oh I’m sorry I thought you were a horrible killer”
Lonebot : WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Lonebot : SHE STOLE MY NAME.
Lonebot : NOW I’M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING VIOLENCE. MORE VIOLENCE, I MEAN.
Lonebot : Maybe all robots of our make are named “Curly Brace”. I told her that’s my name and she was like “meh”.
Lonebot : So she will now be called Curly Brace #2, since she doesn’t have a hat with her name on it. I have better proof than she does.
Lonebot : Now she wants my laser pistol. She says she’ll give me the machine gun that she shot me with. I don’t know, do I take it?
Lonebot : I told her I’d think about it. I like my laser pistol. She called it a Polar Star, which sounds like some cheesy martial arts move. HADOKEN!
Lonebot : So apparently there’s no bar here. Sucks. Why is there a picture of a martini glass on the door?
Lonebot : I found a puppy in her room. It’s cute. But she says it’s not hers… okay then.
Lonebot : It’s called “kleptomania” when you just randomly steal things for no particular reason, right? Is it weird if it’s clothing?
Lonebot : So yeah, maybe it’s weird that I kept a pair of Curly’s panties for myself, but she probably won’t miss them.
Lonebot : Don’t ask how I got her panties. All you need to know is that they weren’t on her. (Unfortunately?)
Lonebot : One of the Mimigalings, as I call them, told me to go see this woman named Jenka about the red flowers. And that I should bring the puppy.
curlehbrace : Internet, you would not believe what happened today. just now. this robot boy came to my house and tried to kill my children!!!
curlehbrace : Let me explain myself. I’ve been living in the Sand Zone for like 9 years or so and it’s been pretty dull, then all of a sudden this happens
curlehbrace : He wasn’t really trying to kill me, though. It was all a misunderstanding. I feel sorry for shooting him now.
curlehbrace : Anyway, he said his name was Curly Brace. Weird! But he left now, so I guess it was just one of those freaky things. Time to relax.
curlehbrace : Oh hey, he took that puppy with him. It showed up a while ago. I think it’s Jenka’s. Maybe he’ll give it back to her.
Lonebot : So, the way to Jenka’s is blocked by these magical Sunstones. Figures. I have to go the other way, which is full of Sandcrocs and shit.
curlehbrace : I suppose it’s time to go go nothing again. That’s pretty much all there is to do in the Sand Zone.
Lonebot : God, there’s these flying sun carvings everywhere. And also, guess what, THEY’RE REALLY BIG. And then they break into smaller sun carvings.
Lonebot : I hate this cave. It’s claustrophobic and full of sandcrocs. Oh, now I’m in a big, open area, which leads nowhere. Happniess abounds.
Lonebot : Sand: check. Lost: check. Things that want to kill me – well speak of the devil, it’s Misery.
Lonebot : Looks like she’s not too happy about me being alive. What a bitch. Maybe I should shoot her a few times.
Lonebot : OKAY WHAT IS THIS. A GIANT… ROUND… THING WITH LEGS JUST POPPED OUT OF THE SAND. AND BY “GIANT” I MEAN “BALFROG SIZED”.
curlehbrace : I wonder why that boy needed to talk to Jenka? I hope he doesn’t go the wrong way. I think Omega’s back.
Lonebot : AAAAH IT’S SHOOTING ROCKS AND EXPLOSIVES AT ME OUT OF IS GIANT EGG-LIKE MOUTH. WHAT DO I DO?
Lonebot : At least Misery left. She seemed to think this thingy would kill me. Well, pouring white ***** into its mouth might work again.
Lonebot : Oh god that is still funny.
curlehbrace : I hear distant thumping. Now I’m worried about him. He probably could have used my Machine Gun. His Polar Star looked pretty beat up.
Lonebot : It’s not very funny how this thing is trying to crush me. That is getting repetitive. But I’m weakening it.
Lonebot : Instead of breaking down, like a machine should, this monster just disappeared in a blinding flash of light. Why not?
curlehbrace : Oh good, the thumping stopped. Hey, why am I telling the internet every detail of my life? Good bye for now, Twitter.
Lonebot : Well, that was a horrible little adventure. I’m pretty sure that thing wasn’t Jenka. Time to head back and ask Curly for directions (grrr).
Lonebot : Yay more sandcrocs. I’ve been bitten about twice now. Good thing I’m made of stuff that’s not flesh. I don’t even know what I’m made of.
curlehbrace : I might as well, come to think of it. Nothing better to do. Today, I am cruising commando style! Hee hee.
curlehbrace : That means I’m not wearing underwear today, since the only pair that I’ve got is starting to look worn. Now you know about my panties!
curlehbrace : Do you think I’m going crazy from being secluded so long? All I have to talk to is the Colons. Jenka hardly ever comes over anymore.
Lonebot : Hey, there’s some GIANT FREAKING DINOSAUR SKULLS hopping around! YAY! You can tell they are cuddly because they have glowing red eyes!
Lonebot : This must be what Dr. Seuss felt like when he was doing acid.
Lonebot : Now I have to go down, climbing along unstable rock. Why the hell does this Jenka woman live down here? Is Curly a serial killer too?
Lonebot : Oh god, I finally found her house. It’s literally inside a hole. It’s a shack. Inside a hole. What.
Lonebot : Jenka is old and her house smells like dogs. As in, she probably has more than the one I just gave her.
Lonebot : AUGH BALROG WHAT THE FUCK. NOT COOL MAN. He barges in through the roof (HOW?) demanding the key to the red flower warehouse. How rude.
Lonebot : Oh my goodness gracious, Misery is Jenka’s daughter. That’s called “How Not to Parent”.
Lonebot : Well, Balrog didn’t get the flowers, and now I have to go find 4 other puppies for some reason. Jeez, some people.
Lonebot : Well, here I go into the hellhole beneath Jenka’s house. There’s dinosaur skulls being held by giant parrots and giant armadillos.
Lonebot : Jesus Christ this is not fun. I’ve only found two puppies so far, one lying in the sand and another hiding in a box. I don’t know, either.
curlehbrace : AUGH I CAN’T FIND MY PANTIES. There’s only one place to hide them in this house and none of the Colons have them! Am I actually going crazy?
Lonebot : You have no idea how ridiculous I look carrying puppies around on my head, but I have to have my hands free. Good thing no one’s around.
Lonebot : Wow. Turns out that red flowers aren’t exactly poison. They make Mimigas fly into a violent rage. Explains Mr. Big and Scary 1 and 2.
Lonebot : Why did Jenka say “descended” to the surface? Eh, she looks old and crazy. Also, a long time ago the Mimigas ate these red flowers en masse.
Lonebot : They were being attacked by robots. Kind of like right now (muahaha). So they ate the flowers and showed them robots what’s what.
Lonebot : Then they went to the surface and were unleashed upon humanity. Which seems like no small feat, considering I’m on an island.
curlehbrace : I am telling the whole internet about my underwear situation. I am definitely crazy. There are probably better things for me to talk about.
Lonebot : Do you guys remember any armies of giant rabbit monsters?
Lonebot : So the moral of the story is that I have to collect Jenka’s puppies. Only one left! (I hate the Sand Zone)
Lonebot : Wow, so many giant parrots. This place smells like bird poop wrapped in decaying testicles.
Lonebot : I found that last puppy. I have no idea how he got past the pillars and spikes and skulls and parrots. He would win the Dog Olympics.
curlehbrace : I should let you guys get to know me better. When I first woke up on this island, I found some baby Mimigas that were abandoned. The Colons.
curlehbrace : Now I’m caring for them. They’re pretty much my family. It must be strange to see a robot looking after Mimigas. Most robots are killers.
Lonebot : OH NO BALROG! He broke into Jenka’s house while I was away and stone the key! She looks hurt. Her other puppies are gone! MORE WASTED EFFORT
Lonebot : Man, now I have to go stop the Doctor and co. from doing bad things with the flowers. Maybe I should go get Curly? Augh, there’s no time!
Lonebot : Well, ever since I started roaming around Sand Zone, the population of… everything… has decreased quite a bit.
Lonebot : I am not very good at focusing on my task at hand.
Lonebot : The fuck? King? Where the hell did he come from? He just ran by yelling something about Toroko. I always knew he was insane.
Lonebot : Well, I got to the storehouse after King, and now he is lying in the doorway, smoldering. I think I missed something. O hai, Dr. Doctor!
Lonebot : Doctor has a weird friggin hat on. It’s blue and rectangular and it’s staring at me. Oh, and he’s floating. Probably bad news.
Lonebot : O shit what the fuck Toroko didn’t your mother tell you not to do drugs? YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THAT STUFF.
Lonebot : YOU ARE ALSO NOW TWICE MY SIZE AND QUITE ANGRY LOOKING. TODAY CANNOT GET ANY BETTER, CAN IT?
Lonebot : Well. Remember when I said some things about killing Mimiga children? Apparently I meant every word of it. IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE, I TELL YOU.
Lonebot : This is the worst victory ever. King, if he’s still alive, is probably going to stab me. Oh wait, he’s still lying there, but he’s breathing
Lonebot : King asked me to avenge him and then died. I’m going to assume it was the Doctor that killed him, or maybe it was OOOOH SHINY
Lonebot : Gots me a sword. Why is it only the crazy people that give me my hard-earned rewards?
Lonebot : OW. BALROG HAS GOT TO STOP LANDING ON ME. Him and Misery are here now. God, I don’t want to fight them. WAIT I HAVE A SWORD I wanna fight!
Lonebot : Or Misery could just teleport me away. That’d be cool. Ugh, that felt even worse than the teleporters. Now I’m in a dark, smelly cave.
Lonebot : Which Misery called the “Labyrinth”. I really hope there’s no giant minotaur in the middle.
Lonebot : Well, this here’s the island’s trash heap, according to some blue robots that are sitting here. And the switch to open the door is waaay up.
Lonebot : Attempting to scale walls. Critters on every ledge. Blade makes short work of them. Still stinks like garbage in here.
curlehbrace : Someone else is at my house now. She’s a floating robot, I think. I think I want her to leave.
curlehbrace : OH NO! NO NO NO! AHHHH! SHE TOOK MY BABIES! WHAAAA OH GOD SOMEONE HELP.
curlehbrace : This witch is going to DIE. She is NOT going to take me, too! WHERE ARE MY BABIES?
curlehbrace : Oh my god I have no idea where I am. She… I think she teleported me away to some trash heap. There are giant cockroaches everywhere! HELP!
Lonebot : Got to the top, opened the door. The blue robots scampered in there. Now I have to be very careful on the w
curlehbrace : GRRR! I AM TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE I AM ANGRY AND DESPERATE! I HATE THAT WITCH. I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE MY COLONS AGAIN!
curlehbrace : Maybe I should just end it all now. I have a gun.
curlehbrace : aaaaaaaaaaaaaa so many giant cockroaches, they all want to eat me. this is horrible.
curlehbrace : I fought my way to a dwelling. There’s a doctor here who says he’ll take care of me, and there’s a nurse too. I feel so weak.
Lonebot : This “being unconscious” thing is quite relaxing. If it weren’t for the fact that I smashed my face into a rock I might have enjoyed it.
Lonebot : I guess I will move on through this Labyrinth and see what terrors await me. More purple critters? Probably!
Lonebot : Ow my head. Well, there’s an evil looking cockroach nibbling on the remains of a blue robot. And, of course, it’s bigger than me.
Lonebot : There are lots of normal bugs around here. I make it sound like everything is huge. Just the important stuff is. LIKE MY PENIS.
Lonebot : I have to go down this narrow, twisty tunnel with walls that are trying to crush me. No more critters, though.
Lonebot : Oh, look, more critters. Good to know I can rely on something here in Crazy Island Caves.
Lonebot : And more giant cockroaches. Obviously they’re trying to eat me. Why would I expect anything else? King’s blade is doing wonders, though.
Lonebot : This place is the trash heap of the island. How does all this junk get here, though? Is it Misery’s private garbage can/toilet?
Lonebot : I found a building, went inside and it was full of giant cockroaches. Holy crap, I hope they didn’t build it. Anyway, I shot them all dead.
Lonebot : RRRGH THERE IS A TELEPORTER ON THE TOP FLOOR BUT I CAN’T GET TO IT. THE ROOF/FLOOR IS CAVED IN. NOOOOOOOOO
Lonebot : I suppose I could take shelter here for the night, but it doesn’t have any power to it, so I wouldn’t be able to recharge. I’ll move on.
Lonebot : After cutting through hordes of cockroaches, I have arrived at another building. This is one is carved into the… I wanna say “rock”.
Lonebot : So there’s two short, squat, blocky, frog-like things that claim to be medical professionals. But are they mechanics as well?
Lonebot : Apparently so, because Curly’s resting here. Looks like she got the same cockroach treatment as me, only she only had her crummy machine gun
Lonebot : Misery tossed Curly down here, too. No clue why. And she also stole the Mimigalets. And she electrocuted Curly. Fun.
curlehbrace : Well what do you know, Curly Brace showed up. Misery teleported him into this trash heap as well. At least I have a chance of escape now.
curlehbrace : Curly Brace and I should form a “We Hate Misery” club.
Lonebot : Dr. Gero wants me to go find a “Cure-all” in an abandoned clinic just outside of here. I guess that means more cockroaches.
Lonebot : There is no rest for the hero of Mimiga Island. But there IS ownage to be dished out. DIE COCKYROACHES.
curlehbrace : Now Curly Brace is going off to find a cure for me. I’m not sick, I’m just worn out. Oh well, doctor’s orders.
Lonebot : I have arrived at the abandoned clinic. The key Gero gave me works, and now I have the Cure-all! That was easy!
Lonebot : I feel a disturbance in the force.
Lonebot : OH GOD BALROG’S GHOST HAS COME TO HAUNT ME. ON THE UPSIDE THAT MEANS HE’S DEAD. THE BAD PART IS THAT HIS GHOST IS A BITCH.
curlehbrace : I really wish I had a change of clothes. These ones are really smelly. Oh, and some underwear would be nice.
Lonebot : Balrog’s ghost was flinging bubbles at me, just like before. But I killed it, just like everything else in my path!
curlehbrace : Why does Dr. Gero even stay here? He says he needs to attend to patients, but I’m the only one who’s been here for years, says the nurse.
Lonebot : How does one kill a ghost? Anyway, I am going to head back to Dr. Gero and Curly.
curlehbrace : And I thought I was crazy. Being obsessed with panties is nowhere near that kind of delusion. Still, I think they were stolen by a ghost.
Lonebot : Being eaten alive by cockroaches is not something I recommend doing. It is very, very painful and terrifying.
curlehbrace : Why did the times for my last 6 tweets get reset or something? Anyway, Curly Brace is back. I might have to think of a better name for him.
Lonebot : I’m actually back at Gero’s place now. I am going to stay here for the night, because I don’t feel like I can possibly go on.
curlehbrace : Wow, he got roughed up by those cockroaches pretty badly. Says he’s got to stay here to recuperate. Sleepover! Just kidding.
Lonebot : Curly Brace #2 says she should be Curly Brace #1. I pointed out my hat. She said it didn’t say “#1″ on it. I told her she’s still a #2.
curlehbrace : Why is Curly Brace getting so snippy about his name? I offered to call him “Brace” but he says we should be numbered. He also insulted me.
curlehbrace : So now apparently I’m “Curly Brace #2″. Pun intended, says #1.
Lonebot : Curly Brace #2 is pretty easy to get along with, though. When she’s not dozing off. #2′s pretty out of it.
curlehbrace : I want to talk with Brace more, but I’m so tired that I’m having trouble writing this. He’s a nice guy, but he gets defensive sometimes.
Lonebot : Well, here I am, chilling out with Gero, who is a reclusive type and probably crazy as well. Curly is asleep and mumbling about panties.
Lonebot : Is Curly a lesbian? Or… wait, I stole her panties. Maybe they were her lucky underwear? Explains why they were hidden so well.
Lonebot : Watching people sleep while you hold their panties isn’t creepy, right guys?
curlehbrace : Maybe I’m thinking this because I’m half asleep, but wouldn’t a good nickname for #1 be “Bracket” or something like that?
Lonebot : I wonder what kind of underwear Curly’s wearing right now, and if it matches her bra? Wait, why is she even wearing one? She’s a robot!
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – Well, I don’t think we need to know anymore about you and Chaco. Heh heh…
Lonebot : @NabiNyangi What, how we had a pleasant time together discussing current events over a cup of coffee for three hours?
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – I wonder why they call where you are the trash heap of the island…from what you say, it’s not a trash heap, more a monster heap
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – You also failed to tell them about the game you played. I know all about your obsession with Yahtzee, Dont you DARE try to deny it!
Lonebot : @NabiNyangi Yes, I played Yahtzee, and Chaco got a full house. Also, this whole island is a monster heap.
Lonebot : Ugh, I can’t sleep. YOU’D THINK IT WOULD BE EASY FOR ROBOTS TO DO! But no, I’m too busy thinking about things, like cockroaches and Curly.
Lonebot : Maybe I’ll just play Space Invaders and listen to some music that’s lying around in my head. What’s “Guns n Roses”?
JacobX891@Lonebot – Quick, steal Curly’s machinegun! Go! Go!
Lonebot : @JacobX891 I think she might notice. I don’t want to have to go out alone again. I’ll get raped by cockroaches.
Lonebot : @AmandaThomsn I hate you. I hate you so much it’s unreal. Why don’t you care about my plight? DON’T TAUNT ME WITH THESE VIDEOS!
(AmandaThomsn was a Guns n Roses spambot)
NabiNyangi@Lonebot – Naw, shes out like a light (or so we hope…) and rape, ow..by cockroaches, even more ow. Are they the ones that spit stuff at you?
Lonebot : @NabiNyangi My thoughts were that she would notice when she wakes up. Which is why I would have to gtfo before she did so. So no theft, Jake
Lonebot : Well, I couldn’t beat my high score on Space Invaders, but I have discovered that I used to be a metal fan. Explains the hair. Goodnight.
curlehbrace : Oh god they’re gone forever. I’ll never see their beautiful faces again. What can I do without them? I feel horrible.
curlehbrace : I can’t sleep anymore. What did she do to them? What if they’re slaves, or dead? Why would she do that to them?
Lonebot : Oh jeez, Curly just woke up crying. I have no idea why… oh wait, the Mimigalets. Man, they were practically her children, weren’t they?
Lonebot : She won’t stop weeping. Dr. Gero’s trying to get her to settle down, but he’s a crazy man. Poor girl.12:04 AM Aug 22nd from web
curlehbrace : I have to find them somehow. She can’t have taken them far. She has to be on the island. I’ll search the god damn thing over, I swear.
Lonebot : Now she’s talking about leaving. To find the Colons. I guess she forgot about the hungry cockroaches. No, wait, I’m just an insensitive jerk
Lonebot : Or so she claims. I think she’s calming down. Her cries have been reduced to snivels. She still wants to go, though.
curlehbrace : Bracket and Gero tell me not to go. I can’t stay here another night knowing they’re in her captivity.
curlehbrace : Fine. I won’t go now. I’m too weak. But I’m going first thing in the morning and I’m bringing Bracket whether he wants to come or not.
Lonebot : We (mostly me) managed to get Curly II to calm herself. She’ll probably go to sleep now, and won’t sneak away or something else dumb.
Lonebot : She says she’s taking me with her. Um… cool? I guess? The more the merrier. As long as she waits till morning.
curlehbrace : It’s morning. I’m heading out, to escape from this horrible Labyrinth. I feel well enough to go, I suppose.
Lonebot : Blargh Curly just woke me up. She say we have to go now. I guess there’s no point in staying, but she could have at least waited til morning.
Lonebot : Oh god, it’s 8:43. I feel like I hardly slept at all. I can’t feel any worse than Curly, though, and she’s almost out the door.
curlehbrace : Dr. Gero says the only way out is through a giant boulder. We have to move it somehow. I’ll move mountains if I have to.
Lonebot : Dr. Gero says there is a huge creature the way we’re going. Awsum. I wouldn’t expect it to be normal sized, anyway.
Lonebot : Hello, cockroaches, I see you’ve been waiting for me. Good thing none of them got into our building. They’d probably have eaten Gero first.
Lonebot : Wow, Curly is moving fast. She has this frightening look on her face. I’m glad robots don’t have menstrual cycles.
curlehbrace : Currently listening to Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by Daft Punk. And I am killing all the cockroaches in sight. Hooray Machine Gun!
Lonebot : Spikes and roaches and sliding blocks that are trying to crush me, oh my!
curlehbrace : My gosh Bracket is slow. I lost sight of him; now I have to wait. Maybe it’s all those weapons weighing him down. Where’d he get the sword?
Lonebot : God damn it I lost Curly 2. This is why they call it the Labyrinth, I guess. The good news is that it was not designed as a maze.
Lonebot : Looks like I’m by myself in Crazy Island Caves again. Keeps getting better and better.
curlehbrace : Oh no, I think I lost Bracket. I backtracked and now I can’t find him. There are so many tunnels leading away from the main one. Oh no.
curlehbrace : Maybe he went on ahead down this one. I’ll find him, yes I will.
Lonebot : I am completely fucking lost, yes I am. But there are still giant cockroaches! Something to keep me company before I behead them.
Lonebot : I guess they’re not actually cockroaches because when I behead them they die. Update: still lost.
curlehbrace : I’m looking all over these tunnels; still can’t find him.
Lonebot : So I’ve ended up in this big, long corridor full of roaches. There’s a big machine type scary thing with treads on the floor and roof.
Lonebot : Looks like it’s designed to travel up and down the hall. Maybe it’s a mode of transportation. AAAUGH DIE YOU DUMB ROACHES.
curlehbrace : I CAN’T FIND BRACKET!
I’m in a chamber with a huge boulder. I can feel cool air coming from behind it. This must be the way out.
curlehbrace : This is hopeless. I’ll just wait here for him, and if he never shows up… I’ll go on my own, I suppose.
Lonebot : There’s no ON button, or gas pedal, or however one might get this thing moving. So I guess I’ll be walking. Eh, it’s not that far anyway.
Lonebot : Killing roaches, killing roaches, killing roaches. Now they are flying and spitting purple gunk at me. This is the life.
Lonebot : I can see a door at the other end of the hallway! I’m halfway there. Still lots of roaches to kill.
Lonebot : HOLY SHITTING DICK NIPPLES IT’S FUCKING ALIVE. THIS MONSTROUS TANK IS ALIVE. OH GOD IT’S GOING TO RUN ME OVER.
Lonebot : I wouldn’t be surprised to see a few cockroaches driving this behemoth. OH SHIT those are big treads.
curlehbrace : I hear distant rumbling. Oh no, I hope this place isn’t caving in! I would hate myself for dying.
Lonebot : Tank Monster has opened up to me. How sweet. No, literally, I can see its insides. Stabstabstabfireballstab.
Lonebot : I have seen way too much weird shit to be confused by the fact that it’s shooting rocket-propelled fish at me.
Lonebot : I think this machine was built to guard the exit. You’d think some laser cannons would get the job done too. But these guys had style.
Lonebot : I have to jump over its treads, then ride on top of them, in order to not be crushed. Then there’s the RPFs to worry about.
Lonebot : Why did it hiss and splutter at me when I stabbed a green round thing on its inside? IS IT ALIVE? IS THAT ITS HEART?
curlehbrace : I hope I don’t run into that huge thing that’s supposed to be guarding the exit. I doubt I could kill it, whatever it might be.
NabiNyangicurlehbrace – Enjoy your nap, hope you feel better. (still wondering if that dog ate your panties…)
curlehbrace : @NabiNyangi Well hi! I’m a bit late answering. I think Jenka’s dogs are better trained than that, but I can’t sure sure. Pants are okay too.
Lonebot : I do not like having epic battles with giant tank things first thing in the morning. Anyway, turns out it was a gigantic cat driving it.
Lonebot : It’s like I’m in a perpetual state of weariness now. But I have to go on, or I’ll never get the hell out of here.
curlehbrace : I think Bracket is dead. I’m all alone now.
Lonebot : I would have run away from that floor-to-ceiling tank, but the hallway was blocked off by forcefields. Of course.
Lonebot : Oh, cool, a bottomless pit. Every cave needs one. Aah, what the hell? Professor Booster just fell in from up above me!
Lonebot : I didn’t hear him hit the ground. It must be a long way down. I can’t see a thing down there. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DYING NOW.
Lonebot : I can see a door on the other side of the pit, and it looks like there used to be a bridge here. I’d like to jump, but I am not Spiderman.
Lonebot : Well that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Instead of looking for another way out, I just jumped across. Luckily, I’m still alive.
curlehbrace : BRACKET’S HERE! I’m so glad! He looks a little beaten up, though.
Lonebot : Oh hey, Curly 2′s in this room, along with a giant boulder. That’s the way out. Time for my laser pistol to go to work.
curlehbrace : Now Bracket’s shooting the boulder. I don’t think that going to work. Pushing it might be an easier alternative.
Lonebot : Well, that didn’t work, and Curly 2 is calling me “Bracket” for some reason. Oh. Ha. Ha. No. Awful pun. My name is Curly Brace.
Lonebot : She says we should just try pushing it. Yeah, right, this thing is the size of Michael Moore.
Lonebot : And about as obstinate. We can’t get it to budge an inch.
curlehbrace : This rock isn’t moving! How are we going to move it? OH MY GOD a giant walking, talking lunchbox just flew down through the ceiling!
Lonebot : Oh, look who decided to show up. Balrog, and he’s looking for a fight. Well, now I have backup! HE’S GOING DOWN SOOO HARD.
curlehbrace : I bet this lunchbox robot could help us move the boulder! He seems friendly.
Lonebot : Now #2 wants Balrog to help us. I think she’s a bad judge of character. Oh, wait, he’s actually going to help us.
Lonebot : No. He realized who he was helping and punched Curly into the ground. What a jerk. Time for him to die for real this time.
Lonebot : OH WHAT THE F- NOW HE HAS MISSILES. HE IS SHOOTING MISSILES OUT OF HIS… SOMEWHERE.
Lonebot : AAAAAAAAAH TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!
Lonebot : Or maybe we dine in Crazyland, because I just beat off Balrog.
Lonebot : DAMN I JUST SAID EXACTLY THE WRONG THING. I mean, I am the victor. He gave up. Now he promises to help us. Are toasters trustworthy?
curlehbrace : Lunchbox thing knocked me out, but he says he’s sorry and he’ll help us move the boulder. We can’t tell anyone about his kind deeds, though.
curlehbrace : He’s not such a bad guy. Bracket seems to hate him, though. He must have met him before.
Lonebot : He moved the rock, so I guess he is trustworthy. Onward to… more cockroaches. OH MY GOD AND THEIR BREEDING GROUND! DIIIIE EGGSSSSSS!!!
Lonebot : “He’s killing younglings!” I don’t even know what that quote is from. Damn my memory.
curlehbrace : There are only more cockroaches past this boulder, and their eggs, too. Bracket is enjoying killing the eggs. There’s no time for that!
Lonebot : Oh joy, ninja cockroaches! With armor and morning stars and other pleasant things. The crap I have to put up with.
Lonebot : I hate this place. It’s like Hell. If my life were a video game, this would be the last challenge before the final boss. I hope.
Lonebot : It’s like Hell if Hell was a garbage dump full of giant cockroaches. Which it probably is.
curlehbrace : What on earth is a computer doing way out here? I had a suspicion these cockroaches were intelligent, but they keep trying to eat me!
Lonebot : Remember when I said I hate this place? I still mean it. Now I am fighting in waist-deep sludgy water.
curlehbrace :
It figures I’d have to wade around in water after I lose my panties. Good thing I’m wearing baggy pants.
Lonebot : Help I am fighting cotton puffs. I think they intend to clean my wounds. No, wait, they smell like death. Probably bad news.
Lonebot : Now we’re in a dark, stony place. Reminds me of the first cave I was in. It even has the same lion head statue, which I forgot to mention.
Lonebot : Is it also very drippy and wet. That is a bad thing, considering we are on an island. In the ocean. Oh, wait, it’s fresh water. Good.
curlehbrace : I think we’re out of the Labyrinth now. The place we’re in is made of wet, rusty steel. There are lots of pipes everywhere.
Lonebot : So now we’re in a very artificial looking place. Like some kind of water control place thingy I don’t know what they’re called.
Lonebot : Point is, I have to open some watertight doors from a terminal. I hope we don’t get flooded. Oh, one of them’s stuck.
Lonebot : Now I have to lower a lift and swim under the floor, since there’s no other way to go.
Lonebot : Now I have opened the final and largest shutter. I wonder what’s on the other side? FREEDOM? SEWAGE? A SHAWSHANK-LIKE VERSION OF BOTH?
curlehbrace : After disabling some security, we’ve moved into a huge, crumbling steel chamber. There are… robots… dead robots everywhere.
curlehbrace : Oh god, what happened here?
Lonebot : None of those! It is in fact a robot graveyard, or rather, killing field since they are not buried. This place is huge. And broken-looking.
Lonebot : Good thing I don’t have to worry about lockjaw. Humans and their sicknesses. It makes them weak.
Lonebot : I found a tow rope or something. It probably has no use. God, I am a klepto.
curlehbrace : This robot’s eye is still glowing red! It’s a scarier looking robot than I’ve ever seen, but maybe it can tell us what this place is.
Lonebot : Why are there GINORMOUS corn husks floating at this end of the chamber? I’m afraid. They look like malignant corn.
Lonebot : Curly found a robot that might still be operational. Who wants to bet that it attacks us?
Lonebot : Uh, “Current forces insufficient?” The robot wants to retreat. That doesn’t sound good.
curlehbrace : The robot said that Team 9 should retreat, then it exploded! And OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?
Lonebot : THE CORN HUSKS JUST CAME TO LIFE. THEY ARE FLOATING AROUND AND LOOKING BADASS. AND SHOOTING STUFF AT ME. WHY DOES EVERYTHING WANT TO KILL ME
Lonebot : Oh and we’re trapped in here now. Great, just, me, Curly 2 and giant all-powerful corn husks. Let’s kill the corn.
Lonebot : Oh good, the whole chamber is flooding. And the corn husk has a bunch of glowing, blue eyes. Sound like an epic final boss, amirite?
curlehbrace : Oh no oh no oh no these giant floating… seed pods or something are attacking us. They’re really powerful. This is awful!
curlehbrace : They’re shooting energy balls at us and poison balls and they’re blowing us around the place and now it’s flooding!
Lonebot : I notice that Curly 2 has an air tank. She’s fine. I’m drowning. And trying to kill these monster corn husks.
curlehbrace : Good thing I have this air tank.
Lonebot : They’re shooting energy at me! Why does everything do that! I don’t even know what kind of energy it is! It’s probably plasma, actually.
Lonebot : YEAH. IT’S GOING DOWN. I THINK WE KILLED IT. MY PRINCESS HAD BETTER NOT BE IN ANOTHER CASTLE.
curlehbrace : OHMYGOD We killed it, I think! It’s not shooting anymore. It looks really hurt. OHMYGOD THAT WITCH IS BACK. MURDER.
Lonebot : Holy shit, Misery and the Doctor are here. They don’t seem pleased with our efforts.
Lonebot : wat? “The island will fall to the earth”? What is Misery smoking? And can I have some?
curlehbrace : I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. She took them away and now she LAUGHS at me. I HATE HER.
Lonebot : OH SHIT THEY TOOK IT AWAY AND THE WHOLE PLACE FLOODED PERMANENTLY. OH GOD I AM GOING TO DROWN. NOOO! CURLY, HOW ABOUT THAT AIR TANK?
Lonebot : I AM ALMST OU OF OXGEN. WHAAAAAAAFEQ///
curlehbrace : Oh god Bracket’s drowning. What do I do? Wha —— I’m going to be signing off for a while.
Lonebot : Jenka. Ballos. Power.
Lonebot : Oh, this is not good. Curly gave me her air tank. I think she’s still alive, but not breathing. Robots can do that. We’re superior.
Lonebot : I’m going to carry her on my back with this tow rope I found. Maybe I’ll find a use for her panties, too.
Lonebot : “I’m sorry, Mario, but your princess is in another castle.” HOW LONG WILL THIS GO ON FOR?
Lonebot : Well, the shutters opened so I’m gonna gtfo. Oh, I can enter that lion statue’s mouth. I wonder if there’s mountains of treasure inside it?
Lonebot : Nope, just more water. This looks like some kind of irrigation system, only for caves.
Lonebot : Of course there’s critters here. Amphibious critters. Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known.
Lonebot : At least I have a sword. You know, sometimes when I swing it I think I can see King. He is creepy, even in death.
Lonebot : I found a door. It leads to a shelter. Somehow this shelter is not underwater. Crazy. Because I just swam through a lot of it.
Lonebot : I’m going to put Curly on the bed here. Oh, there’s only one bed. Well, I guess she can have it. Hey, a computer!
Lonebot : According to some random notebook I just found, you can drain water out of robots. Neat! It’s a little strange, but I’ll try it.
Lonebot : Oh god, this is sexy. I’m not even going to tell you how water is drained from robots because it’s that intimate.
Lonebot : Hey, she’s waking up!
curlehbrace : Bracket’s alive. So am I. My air tank worked just like I hoped it would.
Lonebot : Curly went back to sleep. I’ll give her some time to rest, and I guess time for me to rest as well. On the floor. Whatever.
curlehbrace : So tired. Hi. I’m tired. I’m tired.
Lonebot : Man, this bed was not designed to hold two robots. I don’t think anyone else will be using it.
Lonebot : Curly never woke up after that. The good news is, she now has her panties back on, because I am such a nice guy.
Lonebot : That totally did not sound how I intended it.
Lonebot : So, time to hitch up the ol’ Curly and head on out. Into the waterslide. That’s kind of what it’s like out there.
Lonebot : Actually, it’s more like I’m swimming through the island’s arteries. Awfully poetic, I know. I’m just amazing like that.
Lonebot : Lots and lots of jagged spikes. Not the red ones from before, these ones seem more natural. Oh, and more jellyfish, just like before.
Lonebot : I am getting tossed around in these currents and it is not fun at all. I think I accidentally smacked Curly’s head against the rocks.
Lonebot : WHOA there are a bunch of spikes around here, and I can hardly control my direction. What’s more, I can’t float. But I can breathe, at least
Lonebot : AW CRAP! I left Curly’s machine gun back in the big corn chamber. “The Island’s Core”, Misery called it.
Lonebot : Good to know I’m nowhere near the surface.
Lonebot : Wow, the current’s really picked up. At least I’m in a straight, wide waterway now. With a bunch of pufferfish. And OH MY
Lonebot : THAT IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST FISH EVER. IT ALSO HAS A HELMET. FUCK. WHY IS IT TRYING TO SLAM INTO ME?
Lonebot : Aaaaa there are loose bricks tumbling everywhere now, some of them big enough to squash me, plus the pufferfish, plus Iron Fish.
Lonebot : WHY THE HELL DOES A FISH HAVE A HELMET? Is he a Super-RPF?
Lonebot : My Polar Star doesn’t work underwater, and neither does my fireball. This is King’s time to shine!
Lonebot : Oh god I think it’s trying to talk to me oh god. IT JUST BECAME A SCARY FISH. NOW I MUST KILL IT.
Lonebot : Hahaha, it’s bleeding now. It can’t fight much longer. Good, because I was getting tired of trying to kill it and carry Curly simultaneously.
Lonebot : Wait SHIT Curly unhooked! GAAAAAH I CAN’T GET BACK TO HER!
Lonebot : Ouch. I got knocked out for a bit there. Right now I am lying on a float in the middle of a lake, with water dripping on my face.
Lonebot : I wonder where I am now. It seems familiar for some reason. The rocks… their color. Oh, and there is grass. But it’s not Grasstown.
Lonebot : Holy. Fucking. Shit. On a shitfucking tits bun. I’m back in Mimiga Village. Kanpachi’s not at his usual fishing spot, though.
Lonebot : Okay, no one is anywhere. Where the hell did they all go? Of course, with Toroko and King dead, there aren’t many people left anyway.
Lonebot : No. It’s totally quiet here. Even Sandaime is gone. Where’d everyone go? I’m starting to feel a bit nervous.
Lonebot : No one is in Arthur’s house, either. Great, I’m more alone than ever now. Well, I was pretty alone when I woke up. Back in that cave.
Lonebot : Oh, wait, here’s Booster. He just came out of the teleporter. He looks like… well, he looks like he hit the floor of a bottomless pit.
Lonebot : He said some stuff about saving Sue, getting off the island, the Doctor being evil. Sure, I’ll leave, and genocide will commence without me.
Lonebot : Oh and he gave me a jetpack. So now he’s pretty much my favorite person in the world.
Lonebot : So, this “Booster” (creative name) can send me about 100 feet in the air, or sideways, or wherever. I love it.
Lonebot : Now that I can boost back up to that first cave, I feel like I should return my Polar Star. I stole it, and that guy probably needs it.
Lonebot : I hope that hermit guy isn’t crazy. He might try to kill me. Good thing I have two other weapons.
Lonebot : God, this cave is up high. And the entrance is narrow. I hope I don’t accide
Lonebot : Heh. Just joking. I’m not that clumsy. Although maybe if I hit my head enough times my memory will come back.
Lonebot : Anyway, while I was “out”, I went back through the cave and met that hermit guy, who makes guns. He was none too happy about my theft.
Lonebot : Started ranting about stuff, then he had a change of heart and UPGRADED MY POLAR STAR! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?
Lonebot : So, now it’s called a Spur and I can charge it up for massive damage. It shoots an enormous laser at max charge, which leaves holes in rock.
Lonebot : I tried out the Spur on some critters. It cut through them like balloons. Of course, the Spur kept its regular shooting abilities as well.
Lonebot : Professor Booster says to go find Sue, so I will. No idea where the hell she is, though. Plus, I’d rather find Curly. She’s less whiny.
Lonebot : Well, the teleporter now has 4 possible destinations: Egg Corridor, Grasstown, Sand Zone, and Labyrinth. Let’s go back to Grasstown.
Lonebot : I guess I’ll say hi to Chaco. I will definitely avoid Santa, even though I have a sword now.
Lonebot : Oh Jesus I forgot how unpleasant teleporting is. Well, on to Grasstown I suppose.
Lonebot : Chaco’s not here either! Son of a bitch. Fucking Dr. Hitler must have gotten them! TITS! I don’t want an entire species exterminated!
Lonebot : I guess I’ll try the Egg Corridor next. That’s probably where Kazuma would have gone, since the eggs = escape somehow.
Lonebot : Oh my god. The Egg Corridor looks like Chickenzilla got loose. Or there was a matter-antimatter explosion. Good luck, Kazuma.
Lonebot : No, I’m going to try to find him. He might not be dead. Man, why is he always getting himself into life-threatening situations?
Lonebot : Suddenly there are spikes everywhere, and loose stalactites. I almost got impaled by a falling cone of rock.
Lonebot : Still plenty of flies. And some critters. Things are much easier now that I have a jetpack.
Lonebot : OH WHAT IS THIS. WHAT. Those eggs contained DRAGONS. Now the eggs are broken and half-dead dragons are limping along the ground.
Lonebot : They keep breathing fire at me. Ew, most of them are bleeding from their eyes. I think I should put them out of their misery.
Lonebot : Hey, that reminds me. I sure hope Misery didn’t capture Kazuma or something. Or maybe he’s her sex slave now! That would be awesome. I think
Lonebot : I can hardly recognize the corridor anymore. It really got busted up. Dragons probably had something to do with it.
Lonebot : AUGH! I just got jumped by two dragons that can FLY! WHAAAAH I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. Oh, wait, I has a Spur. Okay, problem solved.
Lonebot : A cloud of explosive gas just exploded. Well, that’s what they do, but it nearly killed me, and just about totaled the egg corridor.
Lonebot : I’m finally at the end of this giant death trap. No enormous angry Super Mimigas to attack me this time, which is always awesome.
Lonebot : Looks like the egg in this room was hatched properly, but I don’t see any dragon. Just a computer that says “HATCH SUCCESSFUL”.
Lonebot : Kazuma showed up through a hidden doorway. He says that the Doctor got a hold of all the Mimigas, and that he (Kazuma) plans to escape the island.
Lonebot : Apparently Misery showed up and stole Sue, and the rest scattered. Oh, I guess she stole the other Mimigas too. All 4 of them.
Lonebot : Oh shit that Doctor is a nefarious one. He is not planning genocide after all. He wants an army of Super Mimigas.
Lonebot : Well, that sucks. I’ll have to leave the island and let him WAIT HE’S GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD? THAT’S MY WORLD HE’S TAKING OVER!
Lonebot : I didn’t go through all these fucking caves and kill hundreds of monsters just to go into hiding with Kazuma! FUCK THAT SHIT.
Lonebot : I’m going to stop the Doctor from making his army, and the only way to do that is destroy the Core. Wasn’t I there once already?
Lonebot : Oh, Kazuma says the Core is that big thing I killed. Or didn’t kill. Apparently Dr. Nazi saved it, I just didn’t notice. I was busy drowning
Lonebot : And if I destroy the Core the whole island will crash into the ground. What? Is this seriously a floating island?
Lonebot : Kazuma says he’ll wait for me with his dragon until the island starts to crumble. What a nice guy.
Lonebot : Oh. My. God. I am outside. This is beautiful. I have never felt happier in my life. It’s night. The most amazing night I have ever seen.
Lonebot : I’m standing on a ledge overlooking the clouds. Yes. The whole island is flying through the air above the clouds, and I’m at the front.7:08 PM Aug 22nd from web
Lonebot : It sure is windy, though. I have to be careful not to get blown off. Ah, the fresh air feels like heaven.
Lonebot : I feel like there should be uplifting but mysterious orchestral music playing. Also, I don’t know where to go now. There is only empty space
Lonebot : Oh, wait, I have a jetpack. I am the master of all three dimensions. Time to scale the outer wall of this island, then!
Lonebot : I wish I could describe to you how incredible this is. This is the stuff poems are made of.
Lonebot : Okay, there are giant cat ghosts flinging sperm at me now. I kid you not. Not the spooky kind of ghost; the white sheet kind of ghost.
Lonebot : If the sperm they were throwing at me wasn’t so deadly these feline night spirits would be cute. And beautiful as well.
Lonebot : Rgh. This is tough. These yellow hoppy things are swarming me, and the high winds aren’t making anything easier.
Lonebot : I have reached an over hang that I cannot get past, even with my jetpack, but there’s a hole in it, which leads to a door.
Lonebot : Oh, hey a Mimiga. Who is cowering is fear from me. Well, that’s cool. Now that I’ve said I won’t hurt him, he has introduced himself as Itoh
Lonebot : Not to mention he was magically turned into a Mimiga. He used to be human. How does that even work? Probably Misery, come to think of it.
Lonebot : Savior? He thinks I’m a savior? Word sure get around fast. Until I met Kazuma just now I was intent on getting the hell off this island.
Lonebot : A door leads beyond the small storage room that Itoh is in. MY GOD this is an enormous cavern! You could fit in a radio tower and a suburb.
Lonebot : Hmm. Bats. That’s normal. Giant troll-like things. Probably bad news, but I killed the first one I saw. Rickety bridge. Indifferent.
Lonebot : I met a Mimiga in here. He’s farming… red flowers. What the fuck? Is he insane? He also won’t talk to me. Maybe he is insane.
Lonebot : This whole cavern is full of Mimigas tending red flowers. What the hell’s going on here? I’ll check this door labeled “Rest Area”.
Lonebot : Oh man! It’s Kanpachi! NO WAY! He says he’s getting tired of all this farming, and is about to go fishing. That’s Kanpachi, all right.
Lonebot : None of the other Mimigas in here will talk to me. Not the old guy, or the little girl, or the blind guy. Sucks. I’m going exploring more.
Lonebot : This Mimiga up here, who’s operating a sprinkler, let slip that they’re not allowed to talk to humans. Who told them so?
Lonebot : Also, he’s an asshole, because I think it should be pretty obvious that I’m a robot. Humans don’t have white skin.
Lonebot : I used my jetpack to get up some scaffolding, and I found a prison for Mimigas. It’s like they’re enslaved.
Lonebot : Wait. I’m dumb. Of course the Doctor did this. He’s getting these Mimigas to harvest their own demise. So I guess Dr. Evil is a sociopath.
Lonebot : This inmate knows I’m a robot! He’s smart! And this other guy says that a “Sakamoto” lives here. Sue’s mom? That’s what Booster said.
Lonebot : Heh. “Doctor Dumb can go screw himself!” I like this Mimiga. Why are all the cool people in jail? And why are there no guards?
Lonebot : The brown trolls seem to be supervising the workers, but not he inmates. Oh well. GACK giant mosquitoes. Lovely.
Lonebot : Well, I tried getting to this hole in the ceiling, but there are a bunch of skull and crossbones warnings so maybe I’ll save that for later.
Lonebot : I wonder where Kanpachi was going fishing? I haven’t seen any water. I’ll go check below that bridge.
Lonebot : HOLY SHIT I FOUND CURLY. She’s hiding in a hole in ground with Cthulhu, who I have also seen two other times in Grassland. Creepy.
Lonebot : Wha… what? She doesn’t remember me! Cthulhu says she has amnesia! Oh god. Actually, I think that’s ironic. Is it? I don’t know. Shit.
Lonebot : Cthulhu says there’s a mushroom that brings back memories. Funny, I’ve been in a cave for 3 days now and I haven’t seen any mushrooms.
Lonebot : Waaaait… yes I have. Back at the village. In the graveyard. Liberating the Mimigas can wait, I have to get that mushroom.
Lonebot : Oh, man, I don’t want to go back down the wall and through the Egg Corridor. Oh man. But I guess I have to. First I’ll find Kanpachi.
Lonebot : Here’s Kanpachi, sitting at a lake. He says he found a key. That’s nice. I’ll have it. “Teleporter room” it says. Sounds like a way out!
Lonebot : The teleporter room is just over here! AHA! A TELEPORTER guarded by a troll. Great. Although he doesn’t seem to care about me being here.
Lonebot : OOF.
Lonebot : That is the fourth time I have blacked out. FML. In a related story, I am now in prison. With Mahin. Good thing I don’t need to eat.
Lonebot : I could probably break out of this cave if I wanted to. But let’s see what Mahin has to say. Other than “Om nom nom nom”
Lonebot : Sue was in here too, but she got taken away before I woke up. She was also punching me. Not a smart thing to do to a robot. Because I’m hard
Lonebot : …So. Um. Sue left me a letter. Why it is in an envelope I cannot even begin to guess, since she didn’t need to mail it. Oh well.
Lonebot : Sue, her family, Booster and Doctor came here on a helicopter. Doctor got his hands on a “Demon Crown”. That weird hat of his, I guess.
Lonebot : It’s a magically evil crown. Like the One Ring only way the fuck more bad-ass. So now Dr. Sauron basically pwns teh noobs.
Lonebot : But Sue’s mom is hiding in this plantation, so I’m going to find her and she will do nice things. Like stop the Doctor, I hope.
Lonebot : This barred door obviously wasn’t made to stop a robot with a super laser. Mahin’s going to stay here, because he’s a lazy fat-ass.
Lonebot : I don’t know where Ms. Sakamoto could be. I’ve looked around this whole cave. Frustrating.
Lonebot : I’m trying to tell these Mimigas that they’re being lied to, but they seem determined to grow these flowers and ignore me.
Lonebot : And these troll things don’t seem to be too upset about me flying around here. Suckiest guards ever. BUT WHERE’S SUE’S MOM?
Lonebot : I found a hole in the ground. It’s actually a tunnel. I have to crawl along it. There’s a door at the end. Good thing I know the password.
Lonebot : Well, at least she has better living conditions than that gunsmith hermit. Her name is Momorin, and she was thrown off the island.
Lonebot : She is also a human. WHAAAAAAAAAAAA? WAS THE FATHER A MIMIGA OR WHAT? I AM SO CONFUSED.
Lonebot : Well, fucked up genes aside, she has a mission for me. I need to get a functioning sprinkler. She gave me a Mimiga mask so I can blend in.
Lonebot : I’m pretty sure I look nothing like a Mimiga with this on. HEY! SHE TOOK MY JETPACK! I AM NOT A CHARITY!
Lonebot : Fine, I’ll go without my jetpack, if she needs it. Now I just need to steal a sprinkler.
Lonebot : Well, I was going to just take one but this guy says he needs his repaired. Cool. Too bad he’s not getting it back.
Lonebot : Momorin says she doesn’t know how to repair a sprinkler. She’s also building A ROCKET IN A CAVE FROM A BOX OF SCRAPS. CAN’T BE THAT HARD.
Lonebot : This rocket will boost me on up to where the Doctor is. It might take a while for her to finish, since she’s only got the bottom half done.
Lonebot : That blind Mimiga I saw earlier is in charge of sprinklers. I got a working one from him. That was easy! Maybe now I can have my jetpack.
Lonebot : Moromin took the sprinkler and told me to go find Itoh. Hopefully he didn’t go anywhere. She needs a controller from him.
Lonebot : Here’s Itoh, still hangin’ out in this storage room. I wonder what he’s been eating. Oh well, I got the controller from the coward.
Lonebot : Moromin says that’s all she needs me for right now. I’m going to take a nap in her bed.
Lonebot : Well, that’s probably the longest nap ever. In the history of Earth. Time to… Moromin and the rocket are gone. Bad news.
Lonebot : Moromin is actually aboveground now, with Itoh. So is the rocket. It confuses me as to how she got he rocket through this tiny hole.
Lonebot : Looks like Itoh stopped being a giant pussy. And Moromin gave me my jetpack back. And took back my Mimiga mask. Things are looking up!
Lonebot : OH SHIT. SHITTY SHIT IN A SHITBUCKET. I FORGOT ALL ABOUT CURLY! … That’s definitely ironic.
Lonebot : Everyone’s gone. The whole place is empty, except for Curly, Cthulhu, Itoh, Moromin and Kanpachi. Good old Kanpachi.
Lonebot : Going back to that teleporter… no troll guard… icky teleporter feeling… and I’m back at Arthur’s house. Booster still hasn’t left.
Lonebot : Back in the graveyard! The only mushrooms around are the big white ones, so I guess I’ll stun one of them and bring it back to Cthulhu.
Lonebot : Cthulhu says that’s not the mushroom I’m looking for. Well holy crap, am I going to have to look through every cave? Because I will if I have to.
Lonebot : I guess I will look around the cemetery more closely. There must be more than one species of mushroom in here.
Lonebot : I found a secret passageway in the ceiling of the cemetery. Now I’m in a big, dim room with one purple mushroom in it. Am I playing a SUD?
Lonebot : Oh, it’s a talking mushroom. Of course. He just gave me a mushroom badge. What the fuck is this? I don’t need a fucking badge!
Lonebot : I think this mushroom is high. He’s not talking right. GOD DAMN IT CURLY NEEDS HER AMNESIA CURED. IS EATING A MUSHROOM CONSIDERED MURDER?
Lonebot : Oh tits now he’s attacking me. Not very threateningly, but every time he charges into the wall some boulders fall down. Yikes.
Lonebot : Maybe I should have hardened my own fluids onto my hat to make an impromptu helmet. Too late for that now.
Lonebot : Now he’s multiplying. Seriously. Four of him just appeared. what is this i don’t even
Lonebot : Urk I blacked out for a second. Rock hit me. Luckily I was not torn to shreds by mushrooms.
Lonebot : Finally pwned the bugger. Time to take him back to Curly. Somehow eating a talking mushroom seems like a bad idea.
Lonebot : I jammed my mushroom into Curly’s mouth (heh). Time to see what kind of effects this strange mushroom has on her. I’m hoping for memories.
Lonebot : Quote? Um… unquote?
Lonebot : WHAT
Lonebot : I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY RIGHT NOW. I WILL WAIT FOR A BIT.
Lonebot : WHAAAAAT THAAAA FUUUUUUUUUCK. I’VE BEEN ON THIS ISLAND FOR TEN YEARS? WAS I ASLEEP THE WHOLE TIME?
Lonebot : So I was part of that robot invasion ten years ago. The one where all the Mimigas were killed. Except I was different.
Lonebot : Curly and I were sent to destroy the Demon Crown. We failed (no duh). Then the previous crown wearer did the “rabid Mimiga army” thing.
Lonebot : So Dr. Evil isn’t very original. God this is a lot to take in. But I’m starting to remember.
Lonebot : Oh, and MY NAME ISN’T ACTUALLY CURLY BRACE. FUCK. IT’S QUOTE. THAT’S EVEN DUMBER THAN “BRACKET”.
curlehbrace : HI GUYS! I JUST GOT MY MEMORY BACK! Wow! Wow! I remember everything, from before the war, and I remember Bracket’s name! It’s Quote!
Lonebot : Well, that is some epic history right there. And it looks like it’s going to repeat itself if I don’t get going.
Lonebot : I suppose I’ll have to leave Curly Brace here. I’ll come back for her once the… island… falls apart. Shit. Worst plan ever.
curlehbrace : He’s on a big important mission right now, though. I’ll stay here with Cthulhu. I don’t think I can go on.
Lonebot : Maybe I should kiss her goodbye. Damn. I am really in love with this girl. It took me till now to notice it.
Lonebot : Not in love with her like Chaco. That was just meaningless. I tell myself. I love Curly Brace enough to have given her back her panties!
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Quote? Is that your Twitter account?
Lonebot : curlehbrace – Uh. Uh. What? Um. Hi Curly. I can’t actually think of a way for this to be more awkward.
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Um… don’t worry about it. You go do your thing. I’ll be here. Reading your Twitter account.
Lonebot : curlehbrace – No, I don’t think there’s any need for that. Et tu, internet?
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Quote, blocking me doesn’t prevent me from reading all your previous tweets.
Lonebot : Well, I blocked Curly from my Twitter feed. Phew. I’m just gonna go to Momorin’s rocket, and we can have an awkward conversation later.
curlehbrace : Okay, well, now I’m a bit miffed at Quote, but his ignorance of my watchfulness makes up for it. I can still see what he’s doing.
Lonebot : Moromin and Itoh are still around here. How sweet. But… the rocket doesn’t look complete.
Lonebot : Apparently it’s just a platform with rockets on it. That doesn’t seem very safe at all. But I guess if I have to…
curlehbrace : Well. That explains why I lost my panties, and why I am currently wearing them again. I’m not entirely sure how to respond to this.
Lonebot : OH MAN THIS THIS HAS HORSEPOWER. AAAAAAAAAAA did I just see a puppy? AAAAAAAAAA WHY ARE THINGS TRYING TO CRUSH ME AAAAAAAA I’m at the top.
Lonebot : The rocket sent me up through that death hole in the ceiling. Stuff tried to close in on me, but the rocket outran it. Now there is a door!
Lonebot : Went through the door. It is very dark in here. I see some liquid dripping from the ceiling. It’s red. This does not bode well.
Lonebot : And there are red critters here. They are aggressive as hell and they mean business. I’m glad for my Spur. OUCH! The red liquid is painful.
Lonebot : Oh, and more spikes. This cave I’ve just stepped into is a claustrophobic death trap. It’s like someone designed it to kill me.
Admiral_Ackbar@Lonebot : It’s a trap!
Lonebot : Critters and liquid and spikes, oh my! Wait, shit I already used that once. Oh well, still applies.
Lonebot : This should be a sport in the Olympics, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter how many steroids you take, this place will kill you.
Lonebot : SERIOUSLY. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS? THE DOCTOR CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE COME THIS WAY.
Lonebot : GAH of course there are bats as well. And they are red. And there are shitloads of this poisonous red stuff.
Lonebot : This place is spike central. I am thoroughly surprised I am not dead yet.
Lonebot : GAH RED TROLL RED TROLL WHAT IS HE DOING HERE HE IS TRYING TO KILL ME HELP OH GOD HE’S THROWING SWORDS AT ME.
curlehbrace : Oh no, I hope Quote doesn’t die! I should have gone with him. It would be awful for us to fail our mission again!
Lonebot : Holy crap, I finally killed the bugger. He turned into stone, and I didn’t even need Gandalf’s help to make him bicker until dawn.
curlehbrace : I think I should go now. Oh, where’s my machine gun? I’ve had it for ten years! I can’t fight anyone without my machine gun!
Lonebot : Lots and lots of critters. This must be a breeding ground or something.
Lonebot : AAAAAAAAAA THE ROOF IS FALLING IN ON ME! THINGS ARE TRYING TO CRUSH ME! AAAAAAA I HAVE TO KEEP RUNNING!
curlehbrace : Cthulhu says I can borrow his Nemesis. A very fitting name for this situation.
http://bit.ly/13cjNc
Lonebot : Jesus, that was crazy! There was a long hallway full of these blocks that tried to crush me. I thought Thwomps were fictional.
Lonebot : Fresh air again, at last! It’s early morning, or late day. How? 24 hours ago it was the middle of the night!
Lonebot : Well, this island is floating, it might as well break a few more laws of physics. Anyway, the view of the clouds is spectacular.
Lonebot : What’s with the big statue of an angel? It sure does look nice, though. And no pigeon poop!
Lonebot : OH GOD MORE RABID MIMIGAS. Here to spoil my perfect… evening, I guess. SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
Lonebot : My little friend is not bilingual. He only speaks Laser. Which is the deadliest dialect known to man.
Lonebot : A helicopter. The one that the humans and Sue rode in on. Looks broken.
Lonebot : Heh. “…And the horse you rode in on.” Man, I’m a jerk.
curlehbrace : Oh, it’s good to see that Quote is focused on his mission and isn’t thinking about me AT ALL.
Lonebot : Some kind of prefab hut here. I’m guessing this is where they slept right after they landed. I wonder how far away the Demon Crown is.
Lonebot : Okay. How did I not notice this huge tower? IT’S SITTING RIGHT HERE. Looks majestic. Fluttering clouds wreath its peak. Epic.
Lonebot : I guess I shall go inside, since this seems like the kind of place a Demon King would hang out. Seems a little bit “in ruins” though.
curlehbrace : I’m heading the way Quote went, but I think I’ve gotten lost. I saw a bunch of statues, and recognized one as Miakid. The last Crown Wearer.
Lonebot : It has a spacious interior, mostly held up by columns, so I can still see the sunset. There’s the throne… but no king.
Lonebot : Well, I guess King lives on in my sword, but OMGWTFBBQ MISERY. I really should have seen that coming. So much for my assassination attempt.
Lonebot : She guessed that I’m here for the core. Well, taking down the Doctor would be a bonus too. Oh joy, she’s going to try to kill me.
Lonebot : Finally, I get to fight her. She’s had it coming for a long time. THIS IS FOR CURLY AND HER MIMIGALINGS.
Lonebot : Misery casts Magic Missile! Misery rolls a 3! The attack misses. Quote counters with LAZORS for 35 damage!
curlehbrace : Where am I? This place is so strange. Built out of orangey yellow stone. The whole cave here feels… hostile.
Lonebot : AH JESUS SHIT She dropped a huge block on me! OW! I AM GLAD THAT I AM A ROBOT.
Lonebot : Misery’s using all sorts of crazy spells against me. Most of them I can avoid, but she’s wearing me down. I’m letting my Spur do the talking
curlehbrace : A cherub? Two cherubs? Now I’m really confused. Such an odd place! OH GOODNESS THEY HAVE SPEARS! Why me?
Lonebot : No flying monkeys, though. What a relief! AHA! She surrenders. She’s gone and flown off. No broomstick, either.
Lonebot : I guess I will continue up the tower. There are no stairs; I have to fly. Kind of ridiculous, but Doctor and co. can fly too.
Lonebot : Cages. Full of Mimigas. Everywhere. I can see Santa and Chaco here. Oh, of course, Santa’s in a cage to himself.
curlehbrace : EEEEE! These cherubs are everywhere, and they’re chasing me through these tight tunnels! Oh no, I’m never going to get to Quote!
Lonebot : Ah, there’s Dr. Hitler. I wonder if he even has a name? Anyway, he’s cackling to himself. I wonder if he knows how dumb he looks.
Lonebot : Oh, and there are red flowers. Obviously. Doctor’s made a “red crystal” out of them, which is like red flower crystal meth or something.about 16 hours ago from web
Lonebot : Oh, it draws on one’s latent powers and crushes his faculties of reason. Sounds like meth steroids, alright.
Lonebot : According to the Doctor, I’m an idiot, so now he decided to do… something… with the crystal meth. Right. I’m the idiot here.
Lonebot : WHAT THE FUCK MAGIC DOCTOR? JESUS HE HAS ALL THE POWERS OF SATAN HIMSELF NOW!!! MOTHERFUCKER!
Lonebot : He keeps teleporting everywhere, and that crystal is flying around. He’s shooting snakes of red energy out of his hands. Now he exploded.
Lonebot : No, he didn’t, it just looked like it. My assassination is not going as planned AT ALL.
Lonebot : man, it’s a good thing I can fly too, or this fight would be over fast. As it is, I’ve already been hit by his red shit several times.
Lonebot : Why is all this deadly stuff red? So much red. You’d think the place was made by some unoriginal video game designer.
Lonebot : Well, Chaco’s rooting me on. Good for her. Weapons, not encouragement, are going to get me out of this. I don’t need any support to fight.
Lonebot : “Interesting priorities”? Some Mimiga girl just told me I have interesting priorities. WHAT, LIKE SAVING YOUR ASS? Bitch.
Lonebot : That Demon Crown is still freaking me out. It’s got a huge, bulging, evil red eye on it. It’s not even crown shaped, btw. It’s a blue box.
curlehbrace : I managed to get away from the cherubs. Now I’m at the edge of a huge pit of spikes. I can’t go any further. I’m so exhausted. Aaah.
Lonebot : BOOM HEADSHOT. HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, DR. FAIL? Oh shit, he’s going on some meth-roid rampage. DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU!
Lonebot : I think Satan possessed him. Great, now I have to kill the Prince of Darkness. Wait, who’s the King of Darkness?
Lonebot : GAAAAAAAAAAAH HE’S FUCKIN’ HULKING OUT. AND BLEEDING I THINK. NO WAIT HIS BLOOD IS GLOWING. GLOWING SWEAT, THEN?
Lonebot : WHAT THE FUCK. HE JUST FIRED LIKE A MILLION RED BATS OUT OF HIS HANDS. THAT IS FUCKED UP. OH GOD THEY’RE EVERYWHERE.
Lonebot : He looks more like that first rabid Mimiga I killed than a human. This is your doctor. This is your doctor on crack. Any questions?
Lonebot : I stabbed him right through the chest. Oh, what? He’s not even bleeding! He’s… melting? SO MANY WIZARD OF OZ REFERENCES IT’S NOT FUNNY.
Lonebot : Use your glowing sweat to SLOWLY DISINTEGRATE! Seriously, that is what’s happening here. What the fuck. At least I can assume he’s dead.
Lonebot : I don’t see that red crystal anywhere. It probably melted too. VICTORY FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD! Now I don’t have to destroy the Island!
Lonebot : Chaco’s trying to get a little friendly with me. God, whore, there’s a time and place for everything. Oh wait, she’s trying to talk to me.
Lonebot : Ohhh, now it makes sense. Sue was turned into a Mimiga, just like Itoh. No inter-species breeding, then! Hooray?
Lonebot : So… Sue isn’t here. I promised Booster I would find her. Farther up the tower I go then!
Lonebot : Okay, now it’s dark. There are no windows, and the only light is coming from the Core. Yeah. It’s back. And now it’s an icy blue.
Lonebot : All of its mini-Cores are just floating around, not trying to kill me. Good news! But I don’t see any Sues.
Lonebot : O hai thar, Misery! I wasn’t looking for a total bitch, I was looking for a Mimiga named Sue. Have you seen one?
Lonebot : Oh. She teleported Sue in here. OH HO now she’s using Sue’s life to blackmail me! I don’t care if you kill her! Well, maybe I do.
Lonebot : Misery’s offering to let us escape. LOLWUT?
Lonebot : Also, scary voice coming from nowhere. LOLWUT?
Lonebot : OH SHIT GLOWING RED STUFF IS BACK. I THOUGHT I KILLED THE DOCTOR. IS THIS HIS GHOST?
Lonebot : He… he is now with us in spirit. And his spirit is fucking pissed off. Misery can’t do a thing against him. Or it. GAH!
Lonebot : OH MY FUCK. HE JUST CHANGED MISERY INTO… A BIG MONSTER THING. I DON’T KNOW. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN BEETLEJUICE?
Lonebot : SHE IS NOW LIKE THE COUPLES’ SCARY FACES. OH GOD. OH SHIT WHAT’S HIS RED FLOATY STUFF DOING TO SUE?
Lonebot : Well. She’s not a Mimiga anymore, but she’s not exactly human. I have to say it’s an improvement, though.
Lonebot : OH SHIT WHY IS EVERYTHING ATTACKING ME AT ONCE? THE DOCTOR POSSESSED THE CORE. NOW IT HAS A GLOWING RED SKULL FOR A FACE.
Lonebot : GAH SUE IS ATTACKING ME AND MISERY IS ATTACKING ME AND THE CORE IS ATTACKING ME THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.
Lonebot : JESUS SHIT I HAVE TO STOP TALKING IN CAPS NOW. Pretend I am screaming everything! This is fucking batshit insane!
Lonebot : It’s unfortunate; Sue finally became attractive and now she’s trying to kill me. So is Misery, who has insane spells now.
Lonebot : I’m riding around on mini-Cores, trying to wound the main one, but it’s not doing anything. Meanwhile, Sue keeps trying to tear me apart.
Lonebot : And Misery is here firing projectiles of some kind. So is the Core. I can hardly keep track of what’s going on. Ow! I probably won’t survive
Lonebot : Satan is trying to kill me. He gave up his stealthy ways and is flat-out doing his best to rip me to shreds. Worst. Day. Ever.
Lonebot : I’m sorry to have done it, but I had to. I shot Sue right in the face. She’s down for the count, but Misery and Core are still at it.
Lonebot : I don’t think I can possibly describe to you how intense this is, so imagine 50 Jedis and 50 Siths fighting each other, times a hundred.
Lonebot : Fuck, the Core is breaking this room apart! It is way too powerful. Misery’s still being a bitch, but she is now a monster with no free will
Lonebot : I just about beheaded Misery with King’s sword. It cut her really deep across the chest. She is definitely down, but not bleeding. Figures.
Lonebot : Just me and this crazy Core left. I’m not getting pummeled as badly now that I can focus on one thing.
Lonebot : I… I won. I can’t believe it. I am close to collapsing, but I won. It’s listing and going to the ground. BAM. DEAD. FOR GOOD. HAH!
Lonebot : VICTORY! But… doesn’t that mean the island crumbles now? Aw, shit. I have to get to that helicopter!
Lonebot : AAAAH EARTHQUAKE! Or, ISLANDQUAKE! Or whatever the fuck you call it. Point is, I’m boned and Sue’s back to normal. Shit.
Lonebot : No sign of Misery. Oh well, time to GTFO! COME ON, SUE!about 15 hours ago from web
Lonebot : WHAT? THE FUCKING HELICOPTER’S GONE!
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Quote! This cave is collapsing! Come find me!
Lonebot : Might as well tell Curly we’re all going to die.
Lonebot : curlehbrace – WHERE ARE YOU? UNDERNEATH ME? AUGH I LOST SUE. I’M COMING TO FIND YOU.
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Hurry, Quote.
Lonebot : A hole opened up in the prefab hut. I don’t know why, but i think Curly’s down there. I might as well die trying to find her.
Lonebot : Oh. There is no Curly. There are spikes… WHATEVER. I HAVE A JETPACK. @curlehbrace – I WILL FIND YOU.
Lonebot : ACK! And I thought that last cave was bad! The whole thing’s covered in spikes! My jetpack is my lifeline.
Lonebot : I FOUND CURLY. I don’t know if she’s awake. I’m using the tow rope again.
Lonebot : …I can’t get back up. I fell too far. There’s only one way to go, so let’s go there.
Lonebot : THIS CHAMBER IS FALLING APART. LIKE THE REST OF THIS ISLAND. IT’S STILL SHAKING. AND THERE ARE CHERUBS WITH SPEARS.
Lonebot : Holy fucking shit. This is nothing, NOTHING compared to anything I have endured so far. These cherubs are swarming the hell out of me.
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – At least there aren’t any spikes around here, right, Quote?
Lonebot : @curlehbrace – Looks like you spoke too soon.
Lonebot : Now there are giant cherubs with bows and arrows. No comment.
Lonebot : Oh my shit there’s a giant Thwomp over us. AAAAAAAAAAAA
curlehbrace : This giant press block or something just fell. It didn’t squash us, but it went right through the floor.
curlehbrace : Now there is a glowing, talking puppy. What?
Lonebot : Cool, looks like one of Jenka’s puppy’s has gone Super Sayan. And he disappeared. He told us to kill his master, Ballos. Okay, sure.
Lonebot : Apparently Ballos’s magic powers have gone wild. Kinky?
Lonebot : I am now in what seems to be a throne room. Ballos is here, and he is fat and orange.
curlehbrace : We went into this room with a fat orange guy. What now?
Lonebot : At least I assume that’s Ballos. No one else around. He just told me he’s insane. Finally, someone here admits it!
Lonebot : Oh shit, “Kill me or I will kill you”. Shit is about to go down, people. AUGH HE’S FLYING! Holy tits!
curlehbrace : Ballos, as he is called, just announced that he wishes to die, but now he is trying to kill us! Mixed messages!
Lonebot : WHAH! He’s shooting lightning at us! I don’t know the power of the dark side!
Lonebot : He’s zipping around in the air, trying to bowl us over and electrocute us. Ew, good thing he’s wearing pants.
curlehbrace : I’m using my Nemesis on him full-bore. It’s a semi-automatic energy weapon, but it hardly seems to be hurting him at all!
Lonebot : Caught him in the face with a charged Spur shot. He can’t recover from that. His head is in bad shape.
curlehbrace : Quote hit him full-on with a big laser, and I followed up with a burst from my Nemesis. He’s looking weak now. Ah! He flew up and away!
Lonebot : Ballos flew away somewhere. Why are magical being so intent on not dying? They always run or AUGH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
curlehbrace : Oh god! He just came back as a huge, spherical head. I can see now that one of his eyes is white and the other is red.
Lonebot : BALLOS JUST GOT A MASSIVE HEAD. CRAP THAT SOUNDED WRONG. HE IS NOW A BIG, FLOATING, ROUND HEAD. AND HE IS TRYING TO CRUSH US.
curlehbrace : I have no idea how we can hurt this thing. Our weapons hardly even scratch it. It’s bouncing all over the chamber, trying to squish us.
Lonebot : Friggin Ball Head is crazy and invulnerable. It would suck to die after all this, but perhaps it was meant to be.
Lonebot : Ballos’s eyes are freaky. One is red and the other one is white. They make him look completely insane and angry. They scare me.
Lonebot : They are also the only way to hurt him! If I can avoid getting landed on, I can keep firing fireballs and lasers into his eyes. It hurts him
curlehbrace : Quote just figured out that shooting his eyes causes pain. Quote used his jetpack to carry me up to the top of his head. Holding on for life
curlehbrace : Quote is literally clinging to Ballos’s eyebrow, hacking away with his sword. This is insanity! But I guess I should help him.
Lonebot : So, right now I’m dangling over Ballos’s eye, giving him what for. He can’t shake me off now matter how much is head thrashes. DIEDIEDIE.
curlehbrace : There are hundreds of green demon things flying around Ballos’s head! Ick! Oh, also this is still insane. Ballos is bleeding from his eyes.
curlehbrace : He stopped? We won?
Lonebot : I thought Ballos was dead, but now eight eyeballs pooped out of him and are rotating around him. His own eyes are closed now.
curlehbrace : No! Eight eyes just appeared and are orbiting his head. Now he’s closed his eyes (smart man). We’ll have to attack the eye satellites.
Lonebot : Targeting eye floaters. He managed to fling me off! I have to hit them from the ground, which is hard because the ground has sharp things.
curlehbrace : Quote fell off. I’m still up here, but I feel like an ant fighting a flock of crows. I’m going down to help Quote.
Lonebot : AUGHAOIOHFFSHS My arm was just impaled by a spear. Ow motherfucker ow. Gaaah. Aiming with one hand is a nightmare. I’mna die.
curlehbrace : Oh no Quote just got hit by a spear that flew out of the ground! That doesn’t make any sense, but his arm is broken! And Ballos is still crazy!
Lonebot : There is so much crap going on right now. I think some smaller things are rattling around the floor. Bones. Okay. Aaa.
Lonebot : I’ve damaged 6 of Ballos’s 8 eyes pretty bad. Curly helped too, of course. RRRRR CAN HARDLY THINK STRAIGHT.
curlehbrace : Only one of Ballos’s eyes left. I think Quote is losing it. He’s just screaming curses now. Oh, wait, he stopped. Now he’s just silent.
Lonebot : We disabled all of his eyes, but how it looks like he’s coming apart at the seams. He’s bleeding all over, jam is splitting open his skin.
curlehbrace : Quote’s still fighting, but wordlessly… I wonder what happened. WE GOT ALL OF BALLOS’S EYES! He can’t see anymore, I guess.
Lonebot : Well, it looks like jam, or coagulated blood. Disgusting. He’s still fighting us, though, so I guess this would be a good time to FINISH HIM
curlehbrace : This is Ballos’s most insane form yet! He’s bleeding all over, his skin (which looks like stone) is ripping apart, and he’s groaning.
curlehbrace : Quote’s insane! He just leapt onto Ballos’s eye, punctured it, and then unleashed a charge into the other eye. Ballos only has empty sockets
Lonebot : I just gave Ballos an eye checkup. With my whole body. And a laser. Inside his head… it’s just black void. Figures.
Lonebot : Oh Jesus Christ, Ballos just fell to pieces. Nasty. I wonder how the smoldering remains of his head are going to kill me?
curlehbrace : Ballos just burst apart. He’s got to be dead now. Great, but how do we get off the island now?
Lonebot : Either I’m hearing voices or Ballos is still alive. No wait, sounds like he’s burning in Hell. Awsum. But it can’t be worse than this place.
curlehbrace : I can still hear Ballos… he’s in agony. Something is burning him.
Lonebot : MOTHERRRRR FUCKERRRRRR THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN. I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB.
curlehbrace : OH CRAPPITY CRAP! The walls of the chamber are going to squeeze us flat! They’re closing in! There’s no way out! Noooo!
Lonebot : Well, I’m dead for sure now, so I might as well try making out with Curly, and see how it goes before we’re crushed.
Lonebot : C-3PO! STOP ALL THE GARBAGE COMPACTORS ON THE PRISON LEVEL!
Lonebot : Well son of a bitch Balrog showed up to be squished along with us. What great timing.
curlehbrace : Balrog showed up! He’s going to save us! WHOOOAAA!
Lonebot : Ah! Where the crap is he taking us? Oh well, as long as we’re alive.
curlehbrace : Balrog’s giving us a ride through the air! He has cute little wings. I knew he wasn’t such a bad guy. Quote still hasn’t cheered up, though.
Lonebot : So now Curly and I are riding on top of Balrog, as he flies through the sky away from the island, which has stopped falling. Why?
curlehbrace : The island stopped falling as well. Maybe all the negative energy was stopped when we killed Ballos?
Lonebot : @curlehbrace – What negative energy? GRAVITY? Yeah, gravity sure is EVIL.
curlehbrace : @Lonebot – Oh, quiet you. I’m not a scientist. Anyway, Balrog wasn’t evil, he was just a slave to the Demon Crown. Poor guy.
Lonebot : Balrog says he was cursed by the Demon Crown to do the Doctor’s bidding. I guess I believe him. Misery was also cursed.
curlehbrace : Balrog says Misery was cursed as well. So her evil deeds were just the Demon Crown talking… I find it hard to believe.
Lonebot : Misery was also cursed, but I bet she’s still a bitch. Anyway, Flying is fun! This is almost as sweet as the outer wall.
curlehbrace : So… what do we do now? I don’t know. Go back to the island? There’s nothing left there for me. I want to return to the surface.
Lonebot : Curly’s talkin’ some crazy talk about going to live on the surface with me and Balrog. I DON’T THINK THEY MAKE HOUSES THAT SIZE.
Lonebot : I mean, if they let robots own houses then fine, but Balrog has to stay in the garage, because he doesn’t like using doors.
curlehbrace : Wheeee! We’re flying to the surface!40 minutes ago from web
curlehbrace : We’re going to buy a big house with lots of room for Balrog on a nice, quiet beach to live out the rest of my days.
Lonebot : @curlehbrace – On a beach? Do you want to get all rusty? And we’re going to have to housetrain Balrog, because he thinks the ceiling is a door
Lonebot : It makes sense for Curly and I to live together. We were built together. She’s practically a sister ship.
Lonebot : SHIT. I JUST SAID EXACTLY THE WRONG THING.
