Beards

I did trim my moustache once... with my teeth.

Teach me your secrets, O Great One.

 

Ambient_Malice is the only thing that can cut Ambient_Malice.

 

I'll never grow a beard since it requires cleaning or else it's itchy. I'm too lazy to be a man. Although I used to not shave 3-4 days when I was going to university, again because of laziness. Alibi: growing it

 

Actually now that I think about it, I have a friend like Ambient_Malice.

But he's a total redneck, too.

 

Teach me your secrets, O Great One.

Heh, you just take your manly, manly (but not as manly as Chuck Norris's) moustache between your teeth, and nibble. Plus, I'm not a redneck. That would require me to do hard physical labour in the sun. I'm more a brains guy.

EDIT:

But let's get practical for a minute. Beardphobia really saddens me. Beards are a practical way of telling if someone's a man or a woman. With my hair, I look a LOT like my younger sister. But my moustache instantly evaporates all doubts. More men should grow a beard to take back their manhood. I mean, Neo versus Chuck Norris. The man with a beard's gonna win.

 

Are you sure that doesn't give you split ends or something like that? I don't know, doesn't seem like the healthiest way of doing it.

 

Are you sure that doesn't give you split ends or something like that? I don't know, doesn't seem like the healthiest way of doing it.

It's a last resort. Ideally, my token of masculinity would roam free on my lip. But sometimes it intrudes into my manly mouth. This causes tickling. So I bite the trangressing hair.

Split ends aren't a problem. You do realise facial hair is the same as pubic hair? It's quick-growing.

 

I don't need to know why you bite your pubic hair or why it grows so quickly

 

Remember that episode of South Park where Eric Cartman glued pubes to his face?

 

Well damn son. If only my pubes were blonde.