Infinityβ
Reaction score
0

Profile posts Postings Media Albums About

  • Yesterday, June 9th, my escape from mental torture until August 2nd has began. I am required to have a conference with my teacher on Monday though.
    I'm worthless, and I don't matter in this community.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    Where am I getting them? I was told this, but worded differently, as far back as 2018.
    I was a failure from the start. When I joined this forum, I was an annoying cunt, and I annoyed the hell out of everyone. I was a bitch. I was banned from the modding discord twice due to being a complete dipshit.
    I was still a dipshit until late 2019 where I finally got a couple of brain cells, and stopped. Once I turned 13, people started to treat me like a normal member. I was too scared to say, or do anything in the modding discord for a year, until I joined a voice chat, and everyone was chill. It's been almost four years since I joined this community, and I can still only do music well. And even if I'm skilled with music, my music almost never noticed. It seems as though it's always in favor of someone I won't name. To be honest, I've started becoming jealous of that person. They even get to have the orgestrator role, and I don't.
    There's much more than that, but I don't feel like typing much longer. There are things in my other posts that I haven't mentioned here.
    HaydenStudios
    HaydenStudios
    Maybe you were a troublemaker back then, but that's not you anymore, and that's not the way that the community sees you anymore. I know it's hard, but you've gotta move on from your past failures. This doesn't mean you should forget about it, doesn't mean you shouldn't ever talk about it again, but you need to stop letting it have have any power over you. You're the only one burdening yourself with this, and you're the only one who can set yourself free from it.

    It can be so easy to treat life like a competition and constantly compare yourself to others. On one hand, it can be helpful to see people who are better at certain things than you are, so that you have a standard to strive for and a motivator to get better. But you just can't let yourself turn that into these negative feelings of self-loathing and feeling like you can't do anything good. If you keep telling yourself that you're a failure, it's going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, which is a very vicious cycle. And it's entirely up to you when that cycle breaks.
    AlmaHexie
    AlmaHexie
    Hey Infinity, that was in the past now, you changed your ways and I'm glad you did, you didn't stagnate unlike some.
    I also did some bad things in the past and I thought for a long time everybody hated and despised me for it, and even though I know some do(Sort of, Ewan is a shithead anyways) I believe and understood that was in the past. You have to move forward to be able to improve.
    I noticed your earlier forum post, what if you try to get around your objectives to achieve them! Like I said before, try doing something else, try a new music software, try finding a new passion etc.
    You'll only stagnate if you believe you can't and or sometimes, it just means you need a break.
    Constant stress that will never end.

    My school requiring everyone to do volunteer work next year which makes it not actually volunteering and more like practical slavery.

    Going to school in general feeling like mental torture.

    Having a mid life crisis at the age of 15.

    Never being successful.

    Sucking at everything besides music.

    This generation.

    I want it all to STOP.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    During an assembly my school had today, I was told that I have to be at the prom for at least an hour, and I don’t have to wear a tuxedo.
    LxLe
    LxLe
    If you don't want to go don't go. They can't keep you from graduating if you don't attend a prom.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    I’m still required to go for at least an hour.
    I hate Gen Z so damn much. They do so much shit that utterly concerns and confuses me. This world feels like it's falling apart My life feels like it's steadily falling apart.
    I hate being a part of Gen Z. I wish I was born at least a decade earlier, or back when things weren't nearly as depressing. If I were born a decade earlier, I would've been able to participate in the Cave Story community/fandom during its prime, I would've been able to experience things I wish I was able to experience. And to be honest, I feel a strange connection with the late 90's to early 2010's. Almost as if I belonged. Almost as if I lived a previous life during then, but I lost that life, and now I'm stuck in this life, as part of Gen Z, where there's a pandemic that has practically become an endemic on steroids, and other things I won't mention. It could explain why I get this feeling of nostalgia, and de ja vu for many things that are pre-2013 with some exceptions from 2013 - 2016. Of course, I don't actually believe any of that. Who do you think I am, Chris Chan?
    But, feelings of nostalgia, and de ja vu for many things that are pre-2013 with some exceptions from 2013 - 2016 is something I actually do experience.

    But yeah, Gen Z sucks.
    Tpcool
    Tpcool
    It was a long time ago, so it's hard to recall anything specific, but I suppose the general sense that most people my age seemed unintelligent, or maybe like bad people.
    AlmaHexie
    AlmaHexie
    This isn't a copypasta, and I'm not a "hipster". I don't know how you came to those conclusions.
    ........................OOOOOH

    Yeah I hate gen Z too, as much as you got your cool folks, we are also raising a generation of narcissistic that will swim in their cesspool of bullcrap to reveal how incredibly different and new they are.

    But, it's very cool we are pushing the norm of society so we are less tight about our lives, there are still some positive and history will remember the impactful stuff only, as much as you got your weirdos that say sex work is a symbol of freedom to womans and other weirder stuff.
    This generation can make a lot of great things but good intentions can lead to disastrous events.
    Fatih
    Fatih
    ngl bro i feel like the actually important things will end up being forgotten
    I'm kind of panicking right now.
    There's this mod that I want to make for the modfest going on right now, but the person making the sprites has been having issues with his internet.
    I know I said I was going to become better at drawing, and I have been practicing a bit. But I only have three days left to finish this mod, so I need someone who is actually good at drawing for this. It's either this mod is finished before May 3rd, or it'll never be finished.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    It's already hopeless. Tomorrow is the deadline. There's no way I can finish it now.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    Even if the deadline was delayed, I still don't have enough time to finish it, unless I rush it to a very extreme extent.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    Just as I predicted.
    Got a desktop today.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    I forgot the exact specs, and I don't feel like going to the garage to check the box, but I'm pretty sure it has an AMD Ryzen, and Geforce thing in it.
    I haven't actually been able to use the desktop since Sunday, because the monitor has stopped working for some reason. We're gonna get the monitor exchanged tomorrow. If another monitor doesn't work, we'll have to wait until May 13th to get someone to come to our house, and fix the issue, and I really don't feel like waiting that long. I just got this desktop, and I want to actually use it.
    HaydenStudios
    HaydenStudios
    Oof, that's frustrating.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    I exchanged that PC for another one, and the problem has been fixed.
    I apologize for the post from yesterday.
    I wasn't thinking straight, and something happened that caused me to become extremely upset.
    I will be honest though, I'm sick of being in projects that become abandoned or cancelled.
    AlmaHexie
    AlmaHexie
    I didn't see it.

    Well, I can understand the mood, it's a bit hard to strive for in your projects when your motivation is at it's lowest, sometime the best thing to do is to take a break but that also can't be enough.
    What I'd suggest you do however is try something new, writing, learning a language or anything else! Just find a new hobby to get your mind off of things.
    I was wondering, why did you add the Beta greek letter in Infinity, is it to not be mistaken or something?
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    When I thought of the name, I thought "Infinity" and then randomly thought of the "β" letter, so I combined them, and made "Infinityβ".
    After a while of thinking, I think it would be best if I put Project Ampersand on an indefinite hold.
    I'm doing this because my current conditions make it difficult for progress to be made.
    I'm not very good with TSC. I'm only passable at making maps. I have to rely on someone else to edit the source code. I have to rely on other people to create artwork/sprites because I can't draw, and the artists are never able to finish anything for the mod. And the only thing I'm actually really good at is music.
    For so long, I really didn't want to put Project Ampersand on hold because I wanted people to have hope for it, and I didn't want it to end up like other abandoned/cancelled mods. Now I've realized that I should, given the conditions I stated.
    While Project Ampersand is on hold, I will participate in modfests more often, and use the mods I make during those modfests as practice.
    I will try to practice drawing, as well as maybe learning how to use a game engine like Unity or Godot or something. I'll also put more time into learning Japanese, but I don't know if that's really on topic.
    I've been procrastinating for so long, and I have only three years left until I'm an adult. I need to become more skilled at these things, so I can be successful in doing the things I want to do, and to quell the pain of this mid life crisis.
    Along side that, starting today, I will no longer be known as Extra Life. Starting today, I will now be known as...



    Infinityβ
    ColdCallerLoopy
    ColdCallerLoopy
    Hey Infinity, go for what makes you happy; and I like the name change, it's cool. Can't wait to see what comes out of your work.
    Orbit
    Orbit
    It shows a lot a strength to walk away from a passion project to work on yourself. For whatever project you take on in the future, whether it's for CS or not, I trust you'll make something great. "To Infinity and βeyond" but that joke was already made.
    Cibryll
    Cibryll
    ∞β?

    But yeah, practice makes perfect!
    The others already said what I would've liked to say. =P
    Imagine making a Cave Story mod, but you can't make sprites without them looking like complete shit, having a sprite artist that's too busy to make sprites for your mod most of the time, then try to ask a discord server with some people who are also good at sprites if anyone can cover for the other one, only to be fucking ignored.
    2DBro
    2DBro
    settle for what you can make on your own before you go relying on other people for help
    Eli
    Eli
    either learn how to do it yourself or find someone willing to do a trade in exchange for something you're good at - you were ignored because random people generally aren't going to want to work for you on top of their own creative projects/life without some kind of compensation.
    Hina
    Hina
    oh no, i'm no good at sprites, sorry to disappoint
    My birthday is later this month, and it'll be three years until I'm an adult.
    I feel like I'm having an existential crisis.
    I still suck at most things, and the only thing I'm good at is music, more specifically chiptune.
    I'm going to have to force myself to get off my ass in order to have even a slight chance of being successful when I'm an adult.
    But it's not like it's gonna change the fact that I'll probably be even more miserable by then because I'll have to deal with taxes, having a job that I most definitely won't enjoy just so I can get money , bills, not being homeless, and many other things that will leave me with little to no time to do anything I want to do.
    It's only going to get worse from here on out, so I'll need to try to get better at shit with the little time I have left.
    Infinityβ
    Infinityβ
    I don't know if the career classes at my school are even the same as the ones you're thinking of because my school is different than most.
    It's a private special education school made specifically for people on the autism spectrum.
    Nonetheless, it's still overwhelming.
    The expectation I feel like their putting on me is that when I'm an adult, I'll get an average job somewhere with resumes and all, with average work hours, maybe part time.
    However, I want to do something different to make money. Something that I'd actually enjoy.
    I'm thinking about maybe doing music commissions since that's something I'm good at, digital chiptune music at least.
    But the thing I want to do when I'm an adult is be an indie game developer.
    I've had an idea for a Cave Story inspired indie game since 2018, and it's continued to take shape within my mind.
    I want to have time to make that game, as well as work on it at my own pace, and having complete freedom, which is why I want to be indie.
    The main reason I need to get better at a lot of the things I mentioned in a previous profile post, is to make that game.
    I need to make sure it's good. If it sucks, It's over.
    If games I made before that game suck, then it wouldn't be as bad, but this game needs to be good.
    If people are really enjoying the game, that's what I consider success.
    I don't really care about it becoming Undertale levels of popular, and I don't expect it to.
    What I consider success is if the majority of people who do end up playing it enjoy it.
    It's my dream, I daydream about this game everyday.
    Another thing I fear as that I won't be able to make/complete it on top of it ending up sucking.
    Now, I'm not going to reveal anything about this game until years from now, until enough of the game has been developed.
    I need become more skilled first.
    But I swear, when I make this game, I'll do whatever it takes to make this game the best it possibly can be.
    HaydenStudios
    HaydenStudios
    Yeah, being an indie developer isn't for the faint of heart, and in most cases requires having another job on the side until you're ready to release the game. That's a rough transition for sure. But don't kill yourself over it, you've got time. And it sounds like you're already thinking up creative ways to make money on the side, that's more than what can be said for a lot of people your age.
    Aar
    Aar
    i turn 22 in a month and i still don't know what i'm doing lol
    I hope 2022 isn't shit.
    ̶A̶s̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶n̶d̶e̶m̶i̶c̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶t̶y̶
    Pummelator
    Pummelator
    True on both counts. Happy new year!
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
Top